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Original poster

Dp told dd my most embarrassing private secret

313 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 19:16

For some fucked up reason - him trying to be funny, told my dd16 whilst joking about a sexual experience I had when I was experimenting and young.

I could have actually died inside. No one knows, only him. I made light of it snd joked it obviously wasn’t true etc - she knew.

I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and deceived.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 02/04/2022 19:32

That's so awful. Also out of context; so much has changed in the 40 years since I was a pre teen and totally inappropriate for him to normalise something sexual at 11 as well as make a reference to something private.

Qazwsxefv · 02/04/2022 19:33

On the face of it it’s sounds terrible and a horrid way to betray your confidence. But your update does make me think….

Was it that your younger dd said she liked girls and that your older dd made fun of this and then your DP said you had been bisexual in your younger days and it’s not odd or a joke and your both ok with it? As in he was trying to comfort your younger dd?

I’m that case not the most tactful reply and he needs to apologise but it sounds like it might have come from a place of kindness.

Your older dd sounds like she needs a bit of a chat - making fun of her younger sisters sexuality isn’t on.

If I’m wrong in all the above or if he said what he said to join in the piss taking with elder DD at your expense as well ….well then he’s an arsehole and I can see where elder dd gets her tact.

RewildingAmbridge · 02/04/2022 19:34

How sexual are we talking, remember when you were eleven and you practised snogging on your teddy bear, embarrassing but nothing I'd get het up about. How sexual was the xyz at eleven years old?!

Kittykat93 · 02/04/2022 19:36

Just odd all round

Hertsgirl10 · 02/04/2022 19:37

This is so inappropriate.

I don’t know if I have read this right but are you saying that you and your daughter have had embarrassing sexual experiences at aged 11?

Your partner sounds very weird and I wouldn’t be having any of these kinds of conversations with your daughter in front of him again.

Mariposista · 02/04/2022 19:38

That is awful and so disrespectful. There are some things that kids shouldn't know about their parents, it's just embarrassing for you and for her! Obviously they know that parents have sex, and have probably done things in their past that they are doing in the present, but some things are best left to the imagination.

inmyslippers · 02/04/2022 19:39

Really weird I'd be checking his phone/computers

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 02/04/2022 19:40

Was it an isolated incident or does he have form for not knowing about boundaries and appropriate conversation.

Weareallvirgins · 02/04/2022 19:42

Your 16 yr old shouldnt be "taking the piss out of you" and im surprised she didnt vomit when the creepy step daddy told her intimate stuff about her mam. Do you actually see how weird this is.....

FairyCakeWings · 02/04/2022 19:42

That’s really quite creepy. It shows he doesn’t have the boundaries around your daughters that he should have. Don’t assume it’s innocent because he’s known your dd since she was 2. My step dad knew me since I was 4, didn’t stop him sexually assaulting me at 14.

caringcarer · 02/04/2022 19:44

I would never trust him again. No going back from breach of trust.

MarshaBradyo · 02/04/2022 19:45

This is really off.

Your dd can’t want to hear this, it’s not nice for her to have this either

Clymene · 02/04/2022 19:45

A sexual experience you had when you were 11 was held up as something funny to your children?

WTAF?? Shock

urbanbuddha · 02/04/2022 19:48

He needs to re-think his boundaries.
You'll have to say something to DD along the lines of "DP shouldn't have said what he said. What goes on between two people is no-one else's business as long as it's consensual." Your DD is old enough to have a sexual relationship herself. She shouldn't think it's something you share details of.

Kittykat93 · 02/04/2022 19:49

@Hertsgirl10

This is so inappropriate.

I don’t know if I have read this right but are you saying that you and your daughter have had embarrassing sexual experiences at aged 11?

Your partner sounds very weird and I wouldn’t be having any of these kinds of conversations with your daughter in front of him again.

Yes I'm also slightly confused at what kind of sexual experiences these are...Christ when I was 11 I don't think I'd even hugged someone in that way, (and I lost my virginity at 15 so hardly the virgin Mary here Grin)

ouch321 · 02/04/2022 19:51

If you were doing 'stuff' at 11 years old something is v wrong.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 19:52

Just to explain. I told dp years ago about a sexual experience I had when I was 11. It was something I have always felt embarrassed about and would never share even to by best friend.

He then made fun of it in front of dd16 trying to be funny and play down dd11 upset tonight, so actually telling dd16 what happened in a few words if that makes sense.

OP posts:
user75 · 02/04/2022 19:54

WTF are you actually talking about?!

Herejustforthisone · 02/04/2022 19:55

That is astonishingly inappropriate. I’m not sure you should be embarrassed so much as sickened by his lack of judgement.

It reminds me of certain friends’ dads, who as soon as we ‘came of age’ would try and be a lad around us and it used to make us so uncomfortable.

mbosnz · 02/04/2022 19:55

I find it's best to be very forthright, and own it.

And then go and ream your other half's arse for sharing information that you shared with him in confidence.

Sweepingeyelashes · 02/04/2022 19:56

You say he doesn't usually do anything like that. It's hardly a ringing endorsement of his behaviour. The fact that he thought it was funny would do it for me. We'd be through.

honeyrider · 02/04/2022 19:56

@FairyCakeWings

That’s really quite creepy. It shows he doesn’t have the boundaries around your daughters that he should have. Don’t assume it’s innocent because he’s known your dd since she was 2. My step dad knew me since I was 4, didn’t stop him sexually assaulting me at 14.
This 100%.

Not only is it inappropriate it's bloody creepy and don't fall into the trap of minimising it. I think it would be wise to watch him like a hawk around your DDs and let him know as he has no boundaries around them you have to enforce them to protect them.

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/04/2022 19:59

Was the younger dd still there too?

It’s all kinds of inappropriate. Talking to your dc about sex is one thing, telling them about their mums sexual experience is completely different.

lljkk · 02/04/2022 20:00

I'm on the fence as ever.
Would you want your DD to feel ashamed if this experience were hers ?

ZaraSizeMedium · 02/04/2022 20:00

You had a sexual experience at aged 11. Your DP thinks it was 'funny' and thought it appropriate to tell both your DD's (one of them also aged 11), about it.

I'm not sure he should really be left unsupervised around young girls.

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