Dp told dd my most embarrassing private secret

[Workinghardeveryday]

For some fucked up reason - him trying to be funny, told my dd16 whilst joking about a sexual experience I had when I was experimenting and young.

I could have actually died inside. No one knows, only him. I made light of it snd joked it obviously wasn’t true etc - she knew.

I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and deceived.

So the minute you stand up to him he becomes aggressive?

This is a man who is not your childrens father but has been in their lives for years, gaslighting and abusing you.

I think what he told your daughter is utterly disgusting and the actions of an abusive man.

He deliberately wanted to embarrass and humiliate you over such an innocent and private childhood curiosity.

He is awful and that he has been in your childrens lives for so long, is just awful.

Your poor children.

Look up DARVO too OP. Your eyes are opening I think to who he is and as painful a process as it is, it's a necessary one.

You are in very far in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). I can’t recall, has anyone on the thread recommended Lundy Bancroft - why does he do that?

@Workinghardeveryday

We talked this morning, I explained it wasn’t fair or ok when he gaslightings.

Ended up with him loosing his temper twice. He has stormed out told me he can’t fucking stand me and hates me and calling it a day.

Terror tactics now. Please don't react and beg forgiveness. Remember you have done nothing wrong OP.

I know this seems to have now become much bigger than what he said about you to your 16yo, but I just wanted to reiterate that it is really inappropriate to say anything sex related about you to your DD.

Alongside the hurt and betrayal that he’d so causally expose something you told him in confidence as a joke.

Don’t let him make you feel you’re overreacting- you’re not.

He are some resources for you OP

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/coercive-control-how-can-you-tell-whether-your-partner-is-emotio/

Expect him to barge back in and queue the super reasonable - we just need to talk about this/I'm just tired/you don't understand me/look I made dinner act.

Try to stay strong - it's not easy. Put yourself and your 3 DC first

@diddl

" He has stormed out told me he can’t fucking stand me and hates me and calling it a day."

Well let's hope he sticks to that.

I hope you took him at his word and planning on putting the process of him leaving into place ASAP. This man is not good enough for you and certainly not a good person to have around your children. 🌹

@Workinghardeveryday

We talked this morning, I explained it wasn’t fair or ok when he gaslightings.

Ended up with him loosing his temper twice. He has stormed out told me he can’t fucking stand me and hates me and calling it a day.

Good.

This is not a healthy way to communicate. You both either need to go to couples therapy or split.

He is a massive dick for saying what he said. And a giant baby that he is blaming you for making him feel bad because he was a dick.

Can he ever admit he is wrong? People who don’t like to see themselves as ‘bad’ will often blame the person pointing out their behaviour rather than apologise

@Workinghardeveryday

Because we always eat together as a family on an evening. It would have upset the kids so I kept hanging on with the meal until it was ruined.

Happy now?

Not really.

Can't understand why on earth it would upset the children.

Are you saying there has never ever been an occasion when he's missed a meal?

And not serving it was just pandering to his bad behaviour

@Workinghardeveryday

You know, I do put my kids first, dd16, dd11 and ds11.

You might not think so but I really really do.

I'm sure you try to, but he obstructs that and that's what you need help to deal with.

@Workinghardeveryday

We talked this morning, I explained it wasn’t fair or ok when he gaslightings.

Ended up with him loosing his temper twice. He has stormed out told me he can’t fucking stand me and hates me and calling it a day.

Oh, of course it has to be your fault.

He's never going to admit that he was in the wrong and is actually a horrible human being.

Take him at his word. Pack his stuff and leave it on the doorstep

How are you this evening @Workinghardeveryday?