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Original poster

Dp told dd my most embarrassing private secret

313 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 19:16

For some fucked up reason - him trying to be funny, told my dd16 whilst joking about a sexual experience I had when I was experimenting and young.

I could have actually died inside. No one knows, only him. I made light of it snd joked it obviously wasn’t true etc - she knew.

I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and deceived.

OP posts:
Elsiebear90 · 04/04/2022 13:17

I’m so confused, you’re contradicting yourself because you say the issues is he told a private secret about something you’re deeply ashamed of, but then you say he lied and it didn’t happen at all like he described. It either happened or it didn’t? I personally think whatever he described did happen given your thread title and posts, but because you’re for some reason extremely ashamed of it you won’t even admit it on this thread.

Also, I think if it really was quite innocent childhood experimenting like kissing or what not and nothing like he described you really need to look into why you feel this much shame and embarrassment about it. It’s not normal to be this worked up about it kissing your friend when you were 11.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/04/2022 13:18

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@youvegottenminuteslynn I think so too.

His defensive is that he said sorry, I should just let it go but instead I want to continue talking about it, I am in the wrong[/quote]
I think it's really good that you're seeing him for what he is. So I guess the question remains the same..

You say he's not a funny person and that you can't discuss things with him.

And he's said something not only inappropriate but also betrayed your confidence while doing so.

His conflict style is to be defensive, dish out the silent treatment, tell your you're over reacting, storm off out 'as usual' (so he has form) and continue to refuse to talk to you.

Are those really qualities in someone you want to be with for the rest of your life?

billy1966 · 04/04/2022 13:44

What a disgusting excuse of a man you live with.

Him breaking your trust and blaming you?

His silent treatment?
Abusive.

OP, your bar is very low.

What an awful waster you have had around your daughters for years.

He should be long gone.

Why is he still in the house.

Pack his bags and get rid of him.

Sprucewillis · 04/04/2022 14:01

@NdefH81

Are you also an ostrich parent?
🤣 somebody got out the wrong side this morning. You just want to fight with anyone or only people at rock bottom? Your contribution to this post has been well, pointless at best. Go you for knowing 'one' word.
NdefH81 · 04/04/2022 14:14

Odd that concern about children in a scenario is regarded by you as “getting out of bed the wrong side” with a laughing emoji

Odd.

Sprucewillis · 04/04/2022 14:18

@NdefH81

Odd that concern about children in a scenario is regarded by you as “getting out of bed the wrong side” with a laughing emoji

Odd.

You aren't genuinely concerned about the children though. You accused the OP of child abuse which is a very serious allegation and you have no basis for that remark. You are here for kicks.

The OP has asked for advice on what to do. She is trying to tackle it best she can. The remarks from the DP everyone agrees are absolutely wrong and she should definitely LTB. But accusing her of CA - come on Envy you are a disgrace.

ladydimitrescu · 04/04/2022 14:37

What is an ostrich parent?? Confused

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2022 14:42

@Workinghardeveryday

I don’t.

I can’t discuss any concerns over anything at all if he won’t speak to me

Why do you want to bother?

Don't you want him out?

AskingforaBaskin · 04/04/2022 14:49

@ladydimitrescu

What is an ostrich parent?? Confused
Someone who buries their head in the sand as to ignore the dangers and problems around them. Like an ostrich.
Gonnagetgoing · 04/04/2022 14:56

I think based on this and his previous treatment of scenarios I’d kick him out.

How dare he repeat something that was secret to you to your DD? Then not to apologise or only half heartedly and storm out. No I wouldn’t be happy at all. How would he like it if the situation were reversed? Definitely set your bar higher.

NdefH81 · 04/04/2022 15:05

I’m not the only one

So many posters specifically concerned in relation to the children involved

The OP meanwhile is absolutely adamant that she has “no concerns” on that front whatsoever.

No concerns.

Nope, her concern is about her marriage and communication between them

TenRedThings · 04/04/2022 15:06

Totally out of order that he did that. For your DD it might now be a time to be reassuring so she knows that that sort of thing is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. I grew up never being told the facts of life and everything sexual felt shameful. To know that exploration of your sexuality is perfectly normal and healthy is surely a good thing .

Imaysnapandfart · 04/04/2022 15:13

OP this is a bigger issue than him betraying your confidence (although that is horrific and SO WRONG on so many levels.)

His treatment of you after you've explained why you are upset is pure narcissistic abuse. The silent treatment and then very half hearted apology speaks volumes. If he cared about you and your feelings, he would be genuinely sorry. HE's the one overreacting here, not you. YOur feelings are completely valid. And as this sounds like a regular occurrence of when you have fights, he's clearly not going to change.

I have just got out of a relationship with someone very similar - used to take the piss out of things that I didn't find funny, such as my MH and ED - and then wouldn't apologise when I told him I was upset. I too would get the silent treatment, and then the storming off. I think you have to ask yourself if you want to continue the relationship with this person.

Also for all of you noting the discrepancies between OP's secret - she doesn't have to disclose the whole thing to anyone! Clearly SOMETHING happened, but it wasn't what her DP said it was. How is that hard to understand?

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 04/04/2022 17:52

So utterly pissed off.

What a totally shit day.

Silent treatment all day, we always eat together as a family which I sorted as I do everyday. Then he turns up well late. Tea ruined.

Kids now having beans n toast on their own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 04/04/2022 17:53

He obviously turned up late knowing it would ruin tea. Why? Why be so dickish

OP posts:
NdefH81 · 04/04/2022 17:53

@Workinghardeveryday

So utterly pissed off.

What a totally shit day.

Silent treatment all day, we always eat together as a family which I sorted as I do everyday. Then he turns up well late. Tea ruined.

Kids now having beans n toast on their own.

Why didn’t they get the meal you had prepared?
NdefH81 · 04/04/2022 17:54

You are obsessed with drawing him out of this silent treatment

It’s bizarre

IncompleteSenten · 04/04/2022 18:17

I think the more important question is why not feed your children the meal you'd cooked instead of leaving it to be ruined while you wait for him.

So much about this really is fucked up. Can't you see that?

NdefH81 · 04/04/2022 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

billy1966 · 04/04/2022 18:27

You are in an abusive relationship, that you have foisted on your children for years.

Your concern over "tea" is baffling.

What an awful relationship they have had modelled to them for years, highly abusive and terribly damaging.

PoshPyjamas · 04/04/2022 18:28

Oh god, I really feel for you. I am sure whatever you did was not worth the shaming you received.

I

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 04/04/2022 18:33

Because we always eat together as a family on an evening. It would have upset the kids so I kept hanging on with the meal until it was ruined.

Happy now?

OP posts:
Sprucewillis · 04/04/2022 18:36

Must admit I'm confused as to why you are still serving this man OP. He has done you a great wrong.

Melsuleenia · 04/04/2022 18:37

I've skim read this thread. The question you ask today is two fold. Why is he giving me a silent treatment (present) and why did he ruin my children's tea?

He's a narc. You know, normal people do not give silent treatments. That means you are now, very sadly in devaluation.

I'm so sorry. You deserve far better than this man.

In regards to the sex element that kicked it off. The first answer you give is 'And?' You've done nothing to be ashamed of. He used this incident to make you feel bad. This again points to devaluation.

You need to LTB. Get Out and Stay Out. GOSO.

Please do pm me if you need further info.

Flowers because your entire world is tipping upside down.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/04/2022 18:37

@Workinghardeveryday

He obviously turned up late knowing it would ruin tea. Why? Why be so dickish
You let the food spoil because you waited for late dh,seriously? Why on earth didn't you all eat and put his to one side to heat up when he got in?

This indicates how bad his behaviour is and you don't see it.

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