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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decreed that...

625 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:11

... he is far too important to carry a house key any more. This means apparently, that I am now responsible for ensuring he is not locked out the house ever. If I have the audacity to not be in when he requires to be let in, I have to ensure a key is left in a safe location and that he is informed of this. Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled! Honestly, I wish this was an april fool's....

OP posts:
Holidayroundthecorner · 20/05/2022 13:42

Get some earbuds op. Listen to anything but him.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 20/05/2022 15:08

Yeah he is very up and down all of the time. Professing his love for me at lunch time, ignoring me all afternoon, unloading on me about some work crap. Its fucking exhausting. I know he has issues and it's so hard to detach myself from wanting to save him from himself and letting him hit rock bottom so that he can recognise he needs help and sort himself out.

OP posts:
ThatshallotBaby · 20/05/2022 16:28

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend
You can’t save anyone. You are lucky if you can save yourself. His feelings are not your responsibility. He is not your responsibility.
Try and keep the focus on yourself, that’s where you will find strength.

LittleEsme · 22/05/2022 09:51

Hang on to that image of being free and relaxed OP. Keep planning Flowers

BraveryBot9to5 · 22/05/2022 12:37

You are a smart person with her own job and your dc arent tiny.

You can get free of the headfuckery

My x was like yours, constant constant criticism

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 25/05/2022 16:04

I think today is the day. It is our 10th anniversary tomorrow and I honestly cant be married to him a day longer. I cried in the shop looking at cards, I cant bare to send him one. I've just typed out a letter telling him everything and that I'm leaving. Just need to keep the resolve to hand it over. Why is it so hard when I know what I need to do, I just fail ever time. Send me strength. Lots of it.

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 25/05/2022 16:58

💐

Lookingoutside · 25/05/2022 16:59

OP. Please don’t let him read the letter when you and the children are still in the house with him.

Leave the letter behind once you’re able to leave the house without needing to return.

Ddot · 25/05/2022 17:15

Do not send the letter, keep your plans under your hat. The time is coming. Get some cash and make your plans. You got this

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 25/05/2022 17:18

It's like I cant think straight, I dont care about any plans I just want out. I want to run away

OP posts:
BingeBitch · 25/05/2022 17:56

Is there anywhere you can stay whilst you’re waiting for the new house?

Edinvillian · 25/05/2022 19:13

Good luck 💐

Ddot · 25/05/2022 21:28

If you think it's safe then do it

gonnascreamsoon · 26/05/2022 06:53

You have to do what's right for you.

But do you really think it's wise to physically hand him this letter ? Surely that'll set the scene for 'drama' and unnecessary risk for YOU ?

Let him go to work as normal. Leave the bloody letter for him to find when he gets home (Or courier it to his office today). How he gets into the house after work isn't YOUR bloody problem ! Listening to HIM lecture you for HOURS because you have the gall to want to leave HIM, isn't how you want to 'leave'.

Just leave 'under the radar', because you owe him NOTHING ! And your/DC's safety is MUCH more important that HIM having the opportunity to argue with you about leaving ffs !

Good luck xx

WelshMoth · 05/06/2022 18:30

How are things OP? Are you ok?

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 06/06/2022 00:17

Just checking in, how are you @Bogiesaremyonlyfriend? Thinking of you 💐

LeaveIt · 16/10/2022 07:46

Hey @Bogiesaremyonlyfriend just wondering how you’re getting on? Hope things are better for you.

JFDIYOLO · 16/10/2022 11:54

Oh dear lord ... What is wrong with them?

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 21/10/2022 13:41

Hi, thanks for asking after me. I'm getting there, slowly. Still here for now but having some very good counselling and getting my ducks firmly in a row. I'm mostly just trying to keep the peace with him and trying not to let him get to me. Been lots of ups and downs. I think the lowest point is the anniversary of his affair this month and him going to a party she attended and not telling me. Think he knows something is up as some behaviours are escalating. And he still refuses to carry a pissing key, but he is learning the hard way that it means he is at times locked out. 🤷

OP posts:
Whydidimarryhim · 21/10/2022 16:56

What happened to the house you where going to move into?
its tough to leave these abusers but you need to think about your children if ou can’t do it for yourself.

Kellie45 · 21/10/2022 16:59

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 21/10/2022 13:41

Hi, thanks for asking after me. I'm getting there, slowly. Still here for now but having some very good counselling and getting my ducks firmly in a row. I'm mostly just trying to keep the peace with him and trying not to let him get to me. Been lots of ups and downs. I think the lowest point is the anniversary of his affair this month and him going to a party she attended and not telling me. Think he knows something is up as some behaviours are escalating. And he still refuses to carry a pissing key, but he is learning the hard way that it means he is at times locked out. 🤷

Change the locks and lock him out.

RonSwansonsChair · 21/10/2022 18:34

I just had to re-read your story to remind myself (as there are so many shitty husbands on here), and I remember it all now. I actually feel sick re-reading it all, my heart breaks for you!
What happened with the house you were buying, did he end up putting it into his name?
You were so sure of what needed to happen, I really recommend you go back and read your own posts. I wish you strength to move on, and away from him.

Herejustforthisone · 21/10/2022 18:38

I can’t believe you’re still there @Bogiesaremyonlyfriend. I don’t honestly know how. Or if I’m honest, why?

I hope you’re doing ok. And I really hope you get the fuck away from that abusive maniac soon. By soon I mean, imminently.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 21/10/2022 21:10

I still have the house. I just don't know why I can't go. That's what I'm exploring in counselling. She says I'm in denial and minimising it, but I don't know what to do. When I'm not with him I am sure I need to go asap but when he is around it's like a switch has been flipped and it hasn't happened.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 21/10/2022 21:25

Have you tried re reading your threads?
Just to remind yourself what a complete twat your husband is?

Swipe left for the next trending thread