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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decreed that...

625 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:11

... he is far too important to carry a house key any more. This means apparently, that I am now responsible for ensuring he is not locked out the house ever. If I have the audacity to not be in when he requires to be let in, I have to ensure a key is left in a safe location and that he is informed of this. Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled! Honestly, I wish this was an april fool's....

OP posts:
Anothersatellite · 16/04/2022 12:30

Throw away his car keys.

Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 19/04/2022 20:53

Maybe he senses he is losing his control. First time he has physically hurt me this weekend. He hurt his hand and blamed me(absolutely not my fault, his if anything) so pushed me, not hard but he has never done that before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 19/04/2022 20:54

Loan is now paid off, that's how I found out about it as he needed me to confirm my details as they wouldn't speak to him on the phone

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 19/04/2022 21:01

Well surely he has set precedent for you to 'decree' the same and therefore leave the house unlocked at all times..?

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 19/04/2022 21:02

Sorry haven’t read through the whole thread but why can’t he just carry his own key like a normal person?

loopycurtains · 19/04/2022 22:53

Oh @Bogiesaremyonlyfriend, no, no, no, no. He is now physically assaulting you. Please don't minimise this. When they sense they are losing control is EXACTLY when they start to ramp up the abuse and can become dangerous. I was warned this by a police officer who worked in a domestic violence unit. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Can you speak to anyone in real life about this for immediate support? A push may seem like not such a big deal but it really is. I've seen where it can lead very quickly first hand.

Zonder · 19/04/2022 22:57

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Maybe he senses he is losing his control. First time he has physically hurt me this weekend. He hurt his hand and blamed me(absolutely not my fault, his if anything) so pushed me, not hard but he has never done that before.
He has crossed a line here. Please show him the door.
UniversalAunt · 20/04/2022 08:08

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend Just a shove…& not a good sign of how he may behave.

Please take very good care of you & DDs as he is likely to be meaner & harder as he senses you moving out of his control.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 20/04/2022 11:36

@Toomuchtooyoung01

Sorry haven’t read through the whole thread but why can’t he just carry his own key like a normal person?
You really need to read the whole thread. Or at least just the OPs posts.
AcrossthePond55 · 20/04/2022 15:59

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 19/04/2022 20:53

Maybe he senses he is losing his control. First time he has physically hurt me this weekend. He hurt his hand and blamed me(absolutely not my fault, his if anything) so pushed me, not hard but he has never done that before.

So he has now escalated. It was inevitable and it will get worse. This is physical abuse.

Please move up your plans to separate. You can no longer consider yourself 'safe'.

Flatbrokefornow · 21/04/2022 11:30

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 19/04/2022 20:53

Maybe he senses he is losing his control. First time he has physically hurt me this weekend. He hurt his hand and blamed me(absolutely not my fault, his if anything) so pushed me, not hard but he has never done that before.

That’s quite an escalation. Have you been in touch with any of the women’s aid type charities and how are your plans to leave going? It probably doesn’t need saying, but hurry them up!

Inertia · 21/04/2022 11:53

Why haven’t you gone to the police to report any of his criminal offences?

You need an official trail of the physical abuse and financial fraud. Men like this use the children to seek revenge on wives who leave them, and you need to endure the children are protected.

TheArtfulBlogger · 21/04/2022 12:20

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 19/04/2022 21:02

Sorry haven’t read through the whole thread but why can’t he just carry his own key like a normal person?

Do you not think in the 3 weeks since OP started the thread, that -

  1. This has been answered if you bothered to do what most do and read the flaming thread or at least her answers

and

  1. OP has got a little bit more on her mind now than answering your inane and lazy question????
supadupapupascupa · 25/04/2022 12:13

How are you OP? You've been popping into my thoughts this morning

me4real · 25/04/2022 13:10

What was the wedding thing @Bogiesaremyonlyfriend ? Sad A PP mentioned it but I can't find it. x

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 25/04/2022 13:37

My sister had a key pad instead of a lock. Might that work? Alternatively (and this would be my preferred suggestion), don't let him in, ever and LTB.

Onceacheetah · 25/04/2022 14:58

It's been 6 days. I hope OP is ok.

SW1amp · 25/04/2022 15:45

This is one of those occasions when you really really should have read the thread before posting…

bumblebeach · 18/05/2022 16:50

I hope you're okay OP. X

Overthewine · 19/05/2022 00:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Carlycat · 19/05/2022 01:05

Early onset dementia? Seriously, this isn't normal behaviour

Igmum · 19/05/2022 02:30

Hope you're ok OP. Please post again- I'm praying that you and the kids are safe away from him

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/05/2022 02:38

Carlycat · 19/05/2022 01:05

Early onset dementia? Seriously, this isn't normal behaviour

Birth Onset Arseholery more like. He has always been this prick, he has just shown it in different ways.

For those who havent RTFT, I suggest you do as this is absolutely NOT about a key.

HoppingPavlova · 19/05/2022 03:22

I said no and left, he hadnt sorted himself a key so rang me as he was locked out on his return and I had to come back and let him in and thus was late for work and on the shitty end of his attitude when I did come back to let him in

This is on you. You didn’t have to come back. You chose to come back. You could have told him that this is his problem to deal with when he chooses not to take his key with him. He will just have to sit outside for several hours. You are facilitating his nonsense. Why?

FavouritePi · 19/05/2022 04:08

@HoppingPavlova You clearly haven't tried to RTFT. If you would click to read all posts by OP, you'd see that it's not about the key.

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