Do you fancy your husband/partner?

[cellardoorr]

I'm not sure I ever have really, not in the way I'd like. Sounds awful I know!

I've never had that "just what to jump on you" feeling 😅 I really wish I had though! Am I missing out?

I never mentioned anything about being lazy
You said “You know that you can earn money don't you?” As if I haven’t tried and worked hard for years but still failed to earn much more than minimum wage.

Before I used to either date men with whom I had a serious sexual chemistry and not much of a connection otherwise (and they were definitely not reliable or proper boyfriend material) or I dated men who were more of friends than sexual partners.

I thought those were the only two options.
But then I met my current partner and now I have the best of both worlds. I thought he was a decent looking guy when I first met him but the more I got to know him the more handsome and attractive he became. Now I think he is the handsomest.

I still think about sex with him all the time even though I’m 33 weeks pregnant and can barely get out of bed unaided. 😅

No I didn’t and then I met someone I really, really did and it was difficult to face up to

Yes - we’ve been together since we were 15 and now mid 30s. Never met anyone else I fancy like this - obviously not ripping clothes off every day, but as often as practical and definitely still butterflies. I think I need love for this level of lust, if that makes sense. As in, how great he is as a person makes me fancy him more. Not just a superficial ‘you’re hot’ (but he is 🥰)

No. Not really. I’m not interested in sex either. It’s sad and worrying and I don’t know what to do for the best.

Yes, been together 35 years and yep, still fancy each other. We both know libido could change anytime given our age (both early 50's) so will make the most of it while we can and want to.

@Maras2 I wish I'd met DH 11 years earlier.

@Cirelle

I never mentioned anything about being lazy You said “You know that you can earn money don't you?” As if I haven’t tried and worked hard for years but still failed to earn much more than minimum wage.

That's not at all what I meant. I work hard and don't earn Megabucks but we made it work, rather than me going off to find some rich man who I didn't like and waiting for my marriage to end and subjecting my children to it.

All I can think of when I read your posts @Cirelle is Charlotte Lucas and Mr Collins from Pride and Prejudice spending all their days doing separate things. I feel a little bit like I'm in a similar situation, but I definitely don't want to be. I want to be excited to be with my partner and to do things together, and look forward to seeing them, and to have a normal sexual relationship. I haven't got any of that and I want it so much
Not with DH, I might add. Can't bloody stand the man

@NewYorkCityDreamer

I’m not sure I do? I was raped at 18 and lost my virginity that way. Then I met my boyfriend at 19 (tinder) after multiple bad first dates.

He’s intelligent, funny, fell in love with my pets and I always felt safe with him. But I don’t think I ever wanted to ‘jump him’ but I’ve never felt that way about anyone. Most people I can’t even hug as I’m autistic but I can cuddle up to him all night.

I'm autistic and feel the same @NewYorkCityDreamer
I've never felt that about anyone. I don't seem to have attraction in the same way NT people do.

All I have to do is think about DH and I get the fanny gallops 🤣 He’s so so attractive.

We are early 60s and both workaholics so often v tired. However the last thing before we sleep dhvalways tells me he loves me and kisses me and we usually go to sleep on our sides and he puts his hand over my shoulder and I reach up and we hold hands. First thing every morning we hug and he tells me he loves me before making me a cup if tea . There might not be the passion of 30 years ago but the life has grown.

The ops story has made me quite sad.

Yes, pretty much even when I am really fucked off with him. It’s the forearms I always find hard to ignore…

I think having more sex does help you be more up for it, so try that maybe.

But there are other things in life. My DP thinks I am funny, and I think i might find that harder to live without than sex.

Love has grown. Our lives too I guess.

I used to but not anymore.
He told me he didn't fancy me anymore because I'd put weight on (I've gone from a 10/12 to a 14 after 4 kids) he broke my heart and since then I've not been able to feel anything for him.
Needless to say we haven't had sex since.
It's sad I really miss having someone who finds me attractive and who I really fancy too.

@Kellyagain

No I didn’t and then I met someone I really, really did and it was difficult to face up to

What did you do?

@Mamamamamia

My DH is absolutely gorgeous but it's literally the only thing going for him hes a stone cold idiot ! And poor ! When he tells his mates are doing DIY in their homes at the weekend- i go weak at the knees All the gorgeousness is now lost on me as all i see is a handsome man who doesnt know what a rawl plug is ...

My ex husband was very handsome and I fancied him but by the time we had had children and he had been useless and not very nice, I lost all respect for him and he disgusted me. I can understand people who settle for something other than pure physical attraction and I can't quite understand what makes others so sure that their priorities are perfect.

I LOVE this!

@cellardoorr
Well what am I doing more like, trying to find the courage to be honest and leave. I haven’t done anything and won’t until I leave but it’s horrible facing up to the fact that you’ve been with someone for various other reasons and romantically it may not work for you. Guilt is a huge part of it

I’m amazed at all these posts saying how they still fancy the pants off their dh 30, 40 years on because I know no one like that in my social circle. I also don’t see any gorgeous men among them, either 😁

@Thereisnolight

Well when you marry you have a choice: real jewellery and fake orgasms, or real orgasms and fake jewellery. (I paraphrase - I know women work - I’m not talking about actual jewellery etc etc) I’m guessing you chose the real jewellery. Every so often you’ll regret what you’ve missed out on. Other times you won’t.

Nonsense

My DH was/is drop dead gorgeous (in my eyes at least). He was/is eminently fuckable and I still see other women give him the eye. He's also charming.

He's also:
Totally impractical - doesn't cook, shop, DIY, etc
Selfish
Slightly OCD
Workaholic
Pedantic

He is also: moral, honest, kind, loyal, decent utterly infuriating. He was skint when we met, the fact that he reached the top of his game with me on his team doing all the heavy lifting helps. If he'd just remained lovingly intellectual and not got filthy rich I still think I'd love him to bits. Other women may see the Maserati; I see the man who does the bins and who shed tears of love and relief when the dc were born and who makes sure his 85 year old mum is looked after and the carers are up to snuff. He laughs at me and I laugh at him and the dc laugh at and with both of us.

I work hard and don't earn Megabucks but we made it work, rather than me going off to find some rich man who I didn't like and waiting for my marriage to end and subjecting my children to it.
I would have made it work too, if I was a “we”. If I’d met someone attractive who liked me equally and wanted to be with me. But I didn’t. So in the absence of the option to choose love, I chose someone who was a Good Prospect. I don’t see why that’s so difficult to understand? I didn’t reject love in favour of money - love wasn’t on the table for me.

No sadly.

It's causing some issues.

He's put on about six stone and I love him I'm just not wanting to shag him.

I'm not perfect and have also put on about 2 stone but he has no interest in losing anything.
Where as I do.

He's annoyed at me because he would fancy me even if I put on six stone so he says. I'm annoyed with him because I can't help how I feel and I've asked him to sort it out and he won't.

It's a bit tense at the min.

@bumpermom

I think for some people attraction changes over time, when I used to look at my DH it was physical, butterflies and sexual attraction. These days I look at him and see the other half of me, my soulmate. I still find him attractive but after 15 years and a few DC later it's less of an untamed fire and more of a safe haven.

This 100%