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Original poster

Do you fancy your husband/partner?

298 replies

cellardoorr · 01/04/2022 10:35

I'm not sure I ever have really, not in the way I'd like. Sounds awful I know!

I've never had that "just what to jump on you" feeling 😅 I really wish I had though! Am I missing out?

OP posts:
Remmy123 · 01/04/2022 16:54

Not really but then I don't find anyone attractive really!

Chonfox · 01/04/2022 16:56

Yes I do. Must be pheromones/something primal as our marriage was at breaking point when our DC were babies as he didn't pull his weight and I was so disappointed in him. I was going around practically shaking with rage at one stage and yet I STILL found him sexually attractive?! How?! I imagine it's the only reason I never left him. I was incandescent with jealousy at the mere thought of him with someone else. He's not even conventionally that attractive so I'm not sure what it is but from the moment I met him I've fancied him like no one else.

I've often read on here about people wanting to leave a DH who they're not attracted to but who is a great father and a good husband and when my DC were small I used to think "you're so lucky dont do it!" But I was with a man for almost a decade who I never properly fancied and who I settled with because he was such a nice guy so I do know that feeling. In an ideal world you'd have both but alas life isn't perfect and if I had to choose I'd probably pick the reliable good father type if you have young DC.

Bravoecholima · 01/04/2022 16:58

Yes and I’m happy to say he is maturing like a fine wine and looks even better grey. The general upkeep is a bit of work though and requires very long bike rides I’m told

dworky · 01/04/2022 17:00

@Thereisnolight

Well when you marry you have a choice: real jewellery and fake orgasms, or real orgasms and fake jewellery. (I paraphrase - I know women work - I’m not talking about actual jewellery etc etc) I’m guessing you chose the real jewellery. Every so often you’ll regret what you’ve missed out on. Other times you won’t.
It's like feminism never happened.
PARunnerGirl · 01/04/2022 17:00

My boyfriend’s just gone out the door for a postponed Burns Supper in his full evening kilt attire… I didn’t want to make him late but I can’t wait until he gets home later 😙😍😆

I didn’t have this feeling at all during my first marriage and, like you, I don’t think I ever really did. We’ve only been together five years though so perhaps it’ll change. Somehow I feel like it’ll probably always be there, maybe not as often, but when he says or does certain things or if we go somewhere or do something that reminds us of specific times.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 01/04/2022 17:02

I do!... annoyingly 🙄

Sometimes he drives me absolutely insane and I could happily throw him in the bin... but I still look at him and think "10/10 would do" 😂 not bad for 15 years in I suppose!

godmum56 · 01/04/2022 17:04

yes. From the second I met him until he became too ill and weak.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 01/04/2022 17:18

I often find myself looking around and thinking my DH is the most handsome of them all. He is! I also know how lucky I am that he thinks I'm the best and he got the prize. Often when I'm working at my desk, he'll come up behind and quietly nuzzle the back of my desk. It makes me go weak at the knees and catch my breath. As I learned on MN, he totally gives me the fanny gallops :)

Been married 42 years, still feels the same.

Colliewobbles123 · 01/04/2022 17:22

I fancy mine loads. When he was 23 I looked at him and thought “you’ll get better with age” and my god he has! He was cute back then and I loved him but now aged 37, he’s just PHWOARR

Foreignmumof2 · 01/04/2022 17:26

Yes very much so 10 years on (but he’s in his mid 30s so that’s not very hard I suppose lol).

Only time I haven’t fancied him is if I felt emotionally disconnected but that has more to do with my feelings and not his looks.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 01/04/2022 17:27

Argh. Obviously he nuzzles my NECK, not my desk. Sheesh.

willowbough · 01/04/2022 17:27

hereisnolight
Well when you marry you have a choice: real jewellery and fake orgasms, or real orgasms and fake jewellery.
(I paraphrase - I know women work - I’m not talking about actual jewellery etc etc)
I’m guessing you chose the real jewellery. Every so often you’ll regret what you’ve missed out on. Other times you won’t.
It's like feminism never happened.

Agreed. Was thinking we'd stepped back in time.

willowbough · 01/04/2022 17:28

@2018SoFarSoGreat

Argh. Obviously he nuzzles my NECK, not my desk. Sheesh.
🤣
Thereisnolight · 01/04/2022 17:29

@willowbough

hereisnolight Well when you marry you have a choice: real jewellery and fake orgasms, or real orgasms and fake jewellery. (I paraphrase - I know women work - I’m not talking about actual jewellery etc etc) I’m guessing you chose the real jewellery. Every so often you’ll regret what you’ve missed out on. Other times you won’t. It's like feminism never happened.

Agreed. Was thinking we'd stepped back in time.

Hmmm ok. I didn’t realise being utterly humourless was “modern”.
bumpermom · 01/04/2022 17:31

I think for some people attraction changes over time, when I used to look at my DH it was physical, butterflies and sexual attraction. These days I look at him and see the other half of me, my soulmate. I still find him attractive but after 15 years and a few DC later it's less of an untamed fire and more of a safe haven.

Thereisnolight · 01/04/2022 17:32

I thought that if I painstakingly spelled out that I didn’t actually mean jewellery in its absolute form that people would understand what I meant….I thought I was being overly patronising by even saying that….but no….clearly everything needs to be speelllleeedddd oouuutttt even more.

Mydogmylife · 01/04/2022 17:32

@Cirelle

No I don’t fancy my husband. I married him for financial stability and to have a child before I was too old. He’s a good father and a good person.

I have had that “want to jump on you” feeling with other partners in the past. But they didn’t want a serious long term relationship with me. I’m glad I had the experience of feeling like that. I miss it. I daydream about it. Hopefully one day my marriage will end and I’ll be able to feel like that again with someone else. But for now I have to prioritise financial stability for my child which means staying with my husband.

This is one of the saddest things I've read on here . You may be providing financial stability but what about emotional stability ?
BooseysMom · 01/04/2022 17:32

I used to...menopause has pretty much killed my libido.

Ditto! I do recall feeling like I couldn't wait to get in his pants but it faded after 6 months! I can't really blame menopause then as we met when we were early 30s. I don't know how we've lasted this long tbh! I only ever want to kill him these days!! Shock

Echobelly · 01/04/2022 17:36

Yes - we've been together for nearly 20 years and I still love his amazing eyes and smile. He's lost his hair and put on some weight but I definitely still fancy him.

FHmama · 01/04/2022 17:37

Yes, massively. I look at him all the time and think how much I fancy him. However I never felt like that with my ex of 6yrs but my current partner is definitely more 'my type' looks wise Smile

ravenmum · 01/04/2022 17:39

@Thereisnolight Oh, the "banter" excuse. Does that work for you often?

Musttryharder2021 · 01/04/2022 17:40

@beguilingeyes

I used to...menopause has pretty much killed my libido.
@beguilingeyes

I believe that "fancying" and the rest of these romantic behaviours are largely attributed to hormones and mating.
Postpartum my whole world view on the importance of attraction/fancying men has drastically changed. I used to be very focused on that, had a very high sex drive, whereas now I sort couldn't care less? It's quite sad but I wouldn't be without my child.
Are you considering HRT?

TedMullins · 01/04/2022 17:41

@Cirelle

This is one of the saddest things I've read. How utterly soul destroying it must be. On the contrary. I have a child, a nice home and a car. I don’t worry about money. Literally the only thing missing from my life is sexual attraction. Should I have given up all those other things in the hope of finding someone I fancied who fancied me back and was willing to commit? Given that I’d been dating for over 20 years and this person hadn’t appeared, should I have kept looking even though it would have meant missing my chance to have a child?

Yes I feel sad that I don’t have sex. But I’d be even sadder if I didn’t have a child. The fact is, it’s pure luck whether you meet someone who’s attractive and wants to marry you and have babies before you’re 40. If you’re not lucky then you have some very hard choices to make.

I’d rather have a child on my own from a sperm donor than live like this. I think your reasons for marrying him are actually disgusting, assuming he thinks you did it for love. Can you imagine a man saying this about a woman? “She’s rich and gave me a baby, but no, I’ve never fancied the saggy old mare”. Unless he’s on board with this arrangement, of course.
SophieHasOneQuestion · 01/04/2022 17:42

@Cirelle

No I don’t fancy my husband. I married him for financial stability and to have a child before I was too old. He’s a good father and a good person.

I have had that “want to jump on you” feeling with other partners in the past. But they didn’t want a serious long term relationship with me. I’m glad I had the experience of feeling like that. I miss it. I daydream about it. Hopefully one day my marriage will end and I’ll be able to feel like that again with someone else. But for now I have to prioritise financial stability for my child which means staying with my husband.

...feeling sad reading this. Sorry...
willowbough · 01/04/2022 17:42

"Hmmm ok.
I didn’t realise being utterly humourless was “modern”."

Clearly not. 😉