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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Needing support for those days after first finding out about husband's infidelity

921 replies

Sazdun · 27/03/2022 18:05

Okay third time lucky. Unfortunately some of you will have followed what happened to me yesterday and finding out my husband of 8 years was unfaithful. There have been super kind people who have reached out and from the bottom of my heart I thank you. I wish j could buy each of you a well deserved wine or chocolates. I still can't find it in me to reach out to my IRL friends or find the words but I am meeting my friend tomorrow and lets hope I can by then. My original thread has been put up so I can get some of the helpful info people posted but no more replies can be made. My follow up thread has since been deleted because it is a thread about a thread. I did not know this is not something you are supposed to do. Anyway I have started this to keep anyone who is helping me stay updated or for anyone going through the horrible or similar same thing to get some helpful advice. Some people have questioned if I am infact real. I am. I am a 38 year old mum of two who has been with her husband since she was 23. I was concerned about his relationship with another woman but while I came on here yesterday thinking I would get feedback on how to approach my feelings and deal with my husband, I got angry and stood up for myself. I never ever thought it would lead to this. So if you doubt me or what to pull every little thing I type please don't, predictive text is a bitch. This is my life, my girls lives and I just need support and help.

OP posts:
PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 27/03/2022 18:13

I'm glad you're still here. If this thread ends up getting lost too please message me, I'm happy to chat via DM if you like.

Just focus on grazing as far as food goes, plain foods, apples, ginger and peppermint will all help with the nausea you feel from shock Flowers

anxiousflower123 · 27/03/2022 18:33

peppermint tea is a godsend for nausea, thinking of you x

JackieQueen · 27/03/2022 18:43

Glad you're back op, I was wondering how you were. Hope you have a good chat with your friend tomorrow and get some support. Flowers

winterchills · 27/03/2022 18:44

Didn't see your prev thread but life sounds shit right now. It gets easier I promise! Having gone through something similar. One day at a time x

HikingforScenery · 27/03/2022 18:45

Look after yourself OP. I’m so sorry Flowers

whateveryousay · 27/03/2022 19:10

Do you think he will end the friendship if you ask him? I had similar with my DH, although not as bad as your situation. He ended the friendship, and we have been happily married ever since.

beachcitygirl · 27/03/2022 19:14

Sending Thanks

fghj149 · 27/03/2022 19:16

I’m really sorry you’re going through this Flowers sending lots of love and strength your way xx

disconnected1 · 27/03/2022 19:32

I'm so glad your back and sending Thanks I did read your previous thread and can't quite get my head around what a completely self absorbed idiot your dh has been. The only way forward from this in my opinion would be him going completely no contact with ow and you getting joint counselling.

At the moment though please just concentrate on taking one day at a time.

SpoonOfPeanutButter · 27/03/2022 20:18

I’m sorry sorry that this is happening to you.

You deserve so much better Flowers

Xx

SpoonOfPeanutButter · 27/03/2022 20:19

*so sorry

Justalittlebitfurther · 27/03/2022 20:51

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP, nothing to add I just wanted to show support. Flowers

beenwhereyouare · 27/03/2022 21:08

CakeFlowers

Sazdun · 27/03/2022 21:30

Thanks all. Both girls asleep. Had several calls from H but ignored. He collects nice bottles of scotch while making toast I just poured one down the sink. I know it is a waste but God it felt so good. Trying to practise what to say to my friend and even get the words right and when I think about it all that is in my mind is them at it. Eugh. I wanted to know everything yesterday and now I wish he hadn't. Is it normal to flip flop like this?

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 27/03/2022 21:32

It’s completely normal to go through all of the emotions. Can you get a family member to come and stay for a while to help you with the kids?

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 27/03/2022 21:33
Flowers
beenwhereyouare · 27/03/2022 21:38

Share screenshots or a copy of your posts, especially the texts. Just say you need to talk to her but to please read everything before asking questions. You did a good job explaining the circumstances to MN, so use that info to help you share this.

Sazdun · 27/03/2022 22:15

Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately my dad and I are not close and my mum is in Australia for 6 months as she has not seen my sister and nieces since pre covid. We are closer to H's family although they do not live that close and I don't think I can deal with them. His mum and sisters are probably closer to me than my own. Once I have told my close friends I know they will pull round. Sharing screen shots etc. Is a good idea. Thanks

OP posts:
rubbleonthedoub · 27/03/2022 22:39

@Sazdun please check out the Chumplady website. It has great advice on how to survive this

Shinyandnew1 · 27/03/2022 22:49

Are you the Portugal/Spain find my iPhone poster? I hope you’re ok.

sleepyhoglet · 27/03/2022 22:56

@Shinyandnew1 don't think so as different user names

Moser85 · 27/03/2022 22:56

You're doing the right thing ignoring his calls.
No doubt everything you say will be relayed back to her as she contacts him to support him (on her honeymoon).

The flip flopping is normal. You are doing great OP. You sound very strong!

Moser85 · 27/03/2022 22:57

@Shinyandnew1

Are you the Portugal/Spain find my iPhone poster? I hope you’re ok.
This is the original thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4514006-My-husband-loves-someone-else-as-well-as-me
wakeupandshakeup · 27/03/2022 23:00

@Sazdun these early days can be tough. One foot in front of the other and try to eat a little if you can. x

wakeupandshakeup · 27/03/2022 23:01

@Shinyandnew1

Are you the Portugal/Spain find my iPhone poster? I hope you’re ok.
No .. 🤷🏼‍♀️
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