Partner not understanding why I can't tell my family about her

[Sasani]

Hi, first time poster. I really would like to have outside point of views.

My family is very religious and lives in A very small village in Pakistan. I have been with the woman of my life for 9 years but... I am also a woman! My family already is not happy that "my friend" is black but if they knew she is my partner they would never ever talk to me again. Lucky I am not in Pakistan because they would have killed me.

My partner's family is super cool and understanding. At first she was super she was super understanding too. I told my family we were roommates, but now we bought a house together, whenever my mom comes over she goes to her parents and I pretend I live alone..

I know it must be horrible for her. But I have no choice. She wants to move forward with our future. I will never tell my parents and siblings. My partner says she waited more than enough. She is OK with me not telling them but wants me to go home instead of my parents coming. She told me she will no longer leave the house. I find that very unfair. It's just a month now and then.

We want to get married, however last night we argued like crazy. Dilemma: Either I visit them or she leaves me.

What do you think. Sorry for any mistakes.

you sound naive OP.
surely you know that the clan or group, family, come before any individual in that society.
the possibility of violence is high.
and now you have implicated your partner in that risk.
your mother will discuss what you have told her, and it won't be long before someone guesses the truth. then they will all contribute details that support that picture. then they will be very angry, and come for revenge.
you are trying to ride two horses going in different directions.
something will rip.
does your mother know your partner's name, where she is from, where her parents live ?
looks like you will have to move, at least, and possibly go incognito.
consult police for advice. better safe than sorry.

Are there any local Womens groups or charities you can speak to? Women who have been in the same boat and can advise/give moral Support?