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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My AirPods are where I thought they were. My husband isn’t!!

999 replies

BadDayForMe · 27/03/2022 02:07

I’ve been reading mumsnet for years but not made an account until now. I can’t talk to anyone in RL and really need some advice please
My DH is on a golfing trip with a work friend in Portugal. I though I would do some housework today and was looking for my AirPods. I couldn’t find them so mentioned to DS that I didn’t want to spend time looking in case I’d left them at work.
He suggested I look on find my iPhone as that would show them. I’ve never used it before but once I reset the Apple ID I got in and saw they were in the house. ( I searched the kitchen and found them behind the pot I drop my keys and stuff in. )
I noticed that this app showed my husbands phone so clicked on it just for a nose
He’s not in Portugal. He’s in Spain!!!!!
Why the fuck would he lie about what country he he’s in unless there is something seriously dodgy going on. I watched him go from a hotel to a
Restaurant, then along the seafront, then back to the same hotel. It can’t be wrong. I can’t sleep. Is he with another woman?
Wtf do I do?????

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
HopeIsNotAStrategy · 27/03/2022 16:48

@Silverclocks

I'm not sure poster's are taking the gullibility comment the way it was intended Grin
😆
GoFishandChips · 27/03/2022 16:48

Me and my DP have several trips away with friends, I have no idea where he is staying or what flight he's on. We are adults and can look after ourselves

Lol! Yes very adult not to know flights and hotels in case of emergencies Hmm

FawnDrenched · 27/03/2022 16:48

@Silverclocks yes agreed that it may well be innocent. The fact remains however that the Dh has been able, if he wanted, to track his Dw and it appears that has been unknown to the Dw

Roja70 · 27/03/2022 16:48

You can also check the luggage tags on his bag / golf bag when he gets home, it will tell you the check in point, destination and flight number.

Sorry you are going through this but trust your instincts, OP even though he will throw every excuse and lie to try and gaslight you when confronted with evidenced

Original poster
BadDayForMe · 27/03/2022 16:49

Sorry for the delay in replying. My parents have only just left. I’m going to my friend’s house in a minute as I’m so upset.
He’s definitely in Spain.
The photo automatically saves from WhatsApp to my photos, but when I click the i button it just showed the date and time not the location. It does on ones I’ve taken but not that one.
I messaged asking how the game was going and he replied later saying he lost. Except the whole time it was showing him walking from the hotel around fuengarola along the cost.
The simplest suggestion was the proof (thanks all who suggested it) I googled the hotel it is showing him at and compared the photo. The pool looks like it’s been photoshopped compared to his photo (colour wise) but there are palm trees around it, and they are identical. I mean like a group of 3 then one on its own, then 2. Like that.
The beer is in a plastic cup with red writing. It’s not facing the camera but I can make out ‘Cr’ so that could be cruscampo.
But the trees are the giveaway. The exact formation as the gallery of the random hotel he’s placed at.
I can’t call his friends wife as I don’t know either of them, and I really can’t see me turning up at the airport. I might feel a bit braver once I’ve shared with my friend.
Thank you for all the ideas and support. There’s some not sopportive comments but I’ll ignore those.
I think as a minimum I will see what airport the phone arrives at tomorrow

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddling · 27/03/2022 16:49

@FawnDrenched

Apologies if this has already been mentioned. I have read the majority of posts but not all.

The OP says that she did not know about find my phone and that her Ds explained it. It turned out her Dh had set it up for both phones. Am I the only one thinking that he has been using it to track her whereabouts and that is the reason for setting it up in the first place. He maybe thought he was safe in the knowledge that his DW did not know anything about the app.

Hoist with one’s own petard ....Maybe?

Or a figment of your imagination?

She doesn't say her DH set it up does she? Or that it was set up without her knowledge, only that she'd never used it before. Maybe she and DH set it up to trace the kids if necessary but she's not used it?

Silverclocks · 27/03/2022 16:51

@GoFishandChips

Me and my DP have several trips away with friends, I have no idea where he is staying or what flight he's on. We are adults and can look after ourselves

Lol! Yes very adult not to know flights and hotels in case of emergencies Hmm

But there are a dozen ways OP could contact DH directly in an emergency and very few ways he could actually help while he's in Portugal/Spain, so really, having those details makes no difference at all.
NdefH81 · 27/03/2022 16:51

How long married?

Absolutely no trust issues before whatsoever?

Original poster
BadDayForMe · 27/03/2022 16:52

I meant to type ‘the photo’ not ‘the proof’

OP posts:
clarkkentsglasses · 27/03/2022 16:53

I feel for you OP, the anxiety must be crippling. What we happens I wish you the best outcome

catchacloud · 27/03/2022 16:53

I'm pleased you're going to speak to your friend. Thinking of you

Original poster
BadDayForMe · 27/03/2022 16:55

I haven’t asked for hotel details as if I need him I will message him.
No relationship problems before. It’s probably not as exciting as it was but we’ve been together 25 years.

OP posts:
FawnDrenched · 27/03/2022 16:55

@WiddlinDiddling

Just to confirm, she says that.....I’ve never used find my iPhone before but he set up our phones when we got them so assume that was part of it.

supercali77 · 27/03/2022 16:55

So he's walking along a coast in spain whilst he is supposedly playing golf in Portugal. I dont see how there's a normal explanation for this

ninnynonny · 27/03/2022 16:55

You say you don't know the friend but you got on to their FB account. Maybe send a message on that?

HarlanPepper · 27/03/2022 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/03/2022 16:59

I’d FaceTime him to say hi.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 27/03/2022 17:00

@Delia65

OP you said in your original post that you changed your password for appleID? In that case if he's powered it off eg overnight then this will have signed him out of FMI. So you'll no longer be able to see his live location until he's signed back in. You'll only be able to see last known location which will be up until you changed the password. So all this may be nothing untoward at all
No, it doesn't work like this unless you (unfathomably) share an Apple ID. They will have their own Apple IDs, set up for 'family sharing'.
Bushkin · 27/03/2022 17:00

Can you go to the airport for the flight arriving from wherever he is tomorrow afternoon? You don’t have to confront him but at least see who he arrives with so you know for certain.

You must be so anxious Flowers

Debsdonein · 27/03/2022 17:01

I wouldn't care if I didn't know the other mans wife. I would still message. Even if just to ask for flight details as you have misplaced the times he left 🙈

toomanychickens · 27/03/2022 17:02

I would've texted him and said why are you in Spain and not Portugal? I don't understand why you don't ask him now rather than wait until he returns.

CheesePlantMurderer · 27/03/2022 17:02

Totally normal to fly into faro for parts of Spain.

But I think I'm missing more...must practice mning

Shinyandnew1 · 27/03/2022 17:03

@Debsdonein

I wouldn't care if I didn't know the other mans wife. I would still message. Even if just to ask for flight details as you have misplaced the times he left 🙈
So would I.
CheesePlantMurderer · 27/03/2022 17:03

@toomanychickens

I would've texted him and said why are you in Spain and not Portugal? I don't understand why you don't ask him now rather than wait until he returns.
Yep me too. Odd
maddy68 · 27/03/2022 17:04

@FawnDrenched

Apologies if this has already been mentioned. I have read the majority of posts but not all.

The OP says that she did not know about find my phone and that her Ds explained it. It turned out her Dh had set it up for both phones. Am I the only one thinking that he has been using it to track her whereabouts and that is the reason for setting it up in the first place. He maybe thought he was safe in the knowledge that his DW did not know anything about the app.

Hoist with one’s own petard ....Maybe?

Now this is just paranoia. There is usually one in ten relationship that sets up teh devices (more tech savvy than the other ) in my case it's me. I have set up find my phone on all out devices in the house. Not for any other reason than to find a lost phone. Some people have very weird perspectives
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