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Original poster

My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

274 replies

AmyJahabee · 25/03/2022 09:52

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

OP posts:
tearinghairout · 25/03/2022 13:40

Well done, OP. Get your locks changed and make a new start. It's not as if he's going to be homeless. You can concentrate on your daughters and yourself. If you need something done in the house, get a tradesman in.

hotpotnoodles · 25/03/2022 13:41

@AmyJahabee

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

Well done and please change your locks as soon as he leaves.
Marvellousmadness · 25/03/2022 13:41

Im so surprised that you let a man you knew for 4 weeks only, move into your house. When you have 2 kids...

Happy he is moving out. I would end this relationship (?) As well. And def not have his baby no.

viques · 25/03/2022 13:47

@AmyJahabee

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

You have nothing to feel ashamed about, you met a manipulative man who saw in you both your vunerability and a chance to get something for himself. He played you, lied to you and is now guilting you. You sound like a caring and loving person who deserves an equal and supportive relationship, I hope you find one when you are feeling ready.

Well done for making the appointment with your doctor, it is never easy to make decisions on your own, even if you know that it is the right thing to do . Please come back and update us.

Flowers
BestZebbie · 25/03/2022 13:50

Good job you haven't said you are pregnant or now he'd be saying you trapped him! I agree that you should change the locks while he is out - not necessarily that he can never cross the threshold again to fetch his stuff (though I'd suggest a third adult in the house if he did that), but so he can't turn up unexpectedly in a foul mood and get in to scare your children.

Calandor · 25/03/2022 13:53

Sorry but have an abortion and kick him out.

He's cookooed you. Taken over your house (moving in after a month when your kids live there???) and he's probably lied about the contraception to trap you. And he's emotionally blackmailing you to stop you leaving him.

This is not a good relationship. Never leave him alone with your kids please.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/03/2022 13:55

every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him

If this is an example of how he talks to you already then it is a good idea you are dumping him. He lied about his fertility and now you are pregnant. He moved in after a month even though you were not keen on it. He didn't offer to share the bills but thinks doing a small amount of DIY means he's been used? Boo Hoo for him.
Please change the locks.

SunflowerTed · 25/03/2022 13:57

I think you need to take control of your life. You’re 37 years old

Gonnagetgoing · 25/03/2022 13:59

You shouldn't feel ashamed but you definitely need to look at your boundaries and why you allowed this man to move in and also to get you pregnant.

MayBMaybenot · 25/03/2022 14:00

I'm with everyone else. This pregnancy is the wrong thing at the wrong time for you and you need to sort it out and get rid of this manipulative liar.

Do NOT sell you house and get into a financial arrangement with him.

Rinatinabina · 25/03/2022 14:06

Wonderful, once he’s gone, change the locks the tell him it’s not working for you either but best of luck with the future.

Pipsquiggle · 25/03/2022 14:12

Well done OP.

No need to feel ashamed at all. Thank goodness you're only 6 months in

Once he's gone, change the locks.

OatmilkandCookies · 25/03/2022 14:16

Everything else to one side, if someone tells you not to do things or they will leave, that is control, which is abusive. Don't put up with this and tell him where to go.
I do agree with PP it was very naive of you to put yourself in this position with not using birth control, but what's done is done and what happens next is your choice and only yours.

OatmilkandCookies · 25/03/2022 14:17

Sorry I just read your update- well done for taking control of the situation. There's nothing to be ashamed of at all.

NameGoesHere · 25/03/2022 14:17

Have the aboriginal and change the locks when he goes . Ditch him for good.

RantyAunty · 25/03/2022 14:19

Well done on getting to the GP.
Glad he is leaving and please change your locks and block him everywhere.

These manipulative con artists are smooth. It didn't take long for his true colours to emerge.

Later I would have a talk with your DC about him and to be sure they haven't been traumatised.

Please also do the freedom programme and read the book, the gift of fear and the book why does he do that.
Also, see about some counseling to help build your boundaries up.

Cocomarine · 25/03/2022 14:21

Why on earth did you rely on the nonsense about him not getting his ex pregnant? Even if it was true, why would you not think, “but maybe the issue was on her side?” (not least because female factors are more complex!)

I wouldn’t assume you’re out of the fire yet.

This man isn’t randomly an arsehole - he knows what he’s doing.

I don’t think for a moment that you could have reached the point of posting on MN without him picking up that you have some dissatisfaction.

I think this is a deliberate move. He will talk about going - or even temporarily go - to scare you into line over loosing him.

So don’t let it work. Make him go, end it. Don’t assume that him talking about going means he’s going to luckily end it for you. Expect to be love bombed or guilted into taking him back if strategy one of pulling away doesn’t get you on your toes and back in line.

Runnerduck34 · 25/03/2022 14:21

Im so sorry, you poor thing, what a nightmare.
I agree with the pp who say he basically manipulated you into moving in , it's far too soon ,particularly as you have DC. He also has misled you about being infertile.
Reading your post my advice would be to end the relationship and tell him to leave ( and change the locks)
From his behaviour I think no good will come of this relationship if you stay together and it will be harder to get out if you have a child together.
If you want an abortion then have one, it's your decision, including whether or not to tell him about the pregnancy.
I hope you have support IRL, someone you can trust to talk it through. Counselling may be worth considering not just about the unplanned pregnancy but also about boundaries and being able to say no.
Good luck OP

Cocomarine · 25/03/2022 14:22

See “he will be going home for a bit” - every intention of coming back when he feels like it.

AnneKipankitoo · 25/03/2022 14:23

Do what is right for you !

bumpytrumpy · 25/03/2022 14:24

Have an abortion and kick him out.

Anything less is doing your existing daughters a huge disservice. They should be your priority here, not creating a new family with a man wearing red flag bunting.

billy1966 · 25/03/2022 14:27

@Mumoblue

Confused

He’s a 42 year old who lived with his mum and sneak-moved into your house while telling you to not bother with contraception.

Run. 🚩

Ffs OP.

Get that abortion asap.

Don't discuss it with him at all.

Get him out of the house.
This weekend.

Ring 101 and tell them you are a bit nervous of him.

You have really messed up but if you want things to get 100 times worse, keep the baby and allow him to stay.

You need to get real now with this situation.

You have been played.

Tell him to back to his mothers today.
Tell friends and family you need suppport.
Flowers

billy1966 · 25/03/2022 14:30

Thanks be to goodness for that.

Cheap lesson.

Don't say a word about the abortion to him.

OP, please learn from this.

Mind yourself.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/03/2022 14:33

@AmyJahabee

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

That's a result, change the locks when he goes. I wouldn't bother telling him you're pregnant either
IncompleteSenten · 25/03/2022 14:37

He's only going because he thinks you'll come crawling and begging.
He won't think you'll say ok then. Good idea bye otherwise he'd never leave your house!

He's expecting you to plead and I would put money on him either being manipulative or nasty when that doesn't happen.

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