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Original poster

My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

274 replies

AmyJahabee · 25/03/2022 09:52

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

OP posts:
Beamur · 25/03/2022 13:03

Does he know you are pregnant?
I wouldn't tell him until you are sure what to do.
I think he has lied to you about contraception in order to get you pregnant. He sounds like seriously bad news actually. Selling your house after only a few months together?
I smell coercion and abuse in the very near future. Get out while you can.

viques · 25/03/2022 13:04

@Strawberry33

Get out now. How much work has he done on the house? How much has he contributed because unfortunately he could have a claim for a share of your house if he’s added monetary value. He may have known this hence why he’s done it. He sounds very manipulative and you will better off without him.
He only moved in in November, I don’t think he will have grounds for claiming half the house, and unless he has single-handedly done a two story extension, a loft conversion and turned the garage into a cinema room I think a couple of months rent free living should cover any wardrobe building or shelf erecting which is probably the extent of his DIY.
Branleuse · 25/03/2022 13:05

i think you should have an abortion. Kick him out and give yourself a wakeup call to stand up for yourself and stop being passive. Its outrageous that he moved in when you didnt want him to and convinced you to not use contraception.

ChaToilLeam · 25/03/2022 13:07

This is nuts. Kick him out, have an abortion and then have a good think about why your boundaries are so low. This man is no good and wants to override your wishes at every turn. Do NOT let him!

Walkingalot · 25/03/2022 13:10

None of this was what you wanted. Too much too soon.

He doesn't get to tell you how things are going to be, how you should feel, what you should do. Claim back your life and ask him to move out by xx date.

Octomore · 25/03/2022 13:11

@Rinatinabina

He basically moved into your house without actually asking you, lied about need for contraception (you should have ignored this and taken care of yourself regardless) is emotionally manipulative.

If you want the abortion have one and chuck him out,

Agree with the list.

To add to his list of negative qualities - he was living with his mum at 42. This man is a waster.

Next time, be less naive.

Pugsbladder · 25/03/2022 13:12

This made for very uncomfortable reading as I allowed a very similar situation many years ago and was around your age with one child.

I too allowed myself to get pregnant. All the usual reasons. Lack of self esteem, a desire to belong with someone etc. He was very controlling and would time me going to the shops, ridicule me & became violent.
Thankfully I sat myself down & said "Pug you may think this is what you want & deserve but your child (who was a bag of nerves around him) has no say in this horrible atmosphere". So I got some friends around, threw him out & got an abortion. He wanted this. He came around with a massive threatening dog to ensure I wasn't still pregnant.
I never regretted the termination or getting rid of him. Incidentally a friend bumped into him weeks later & he'd already got some one else! Maybe she was already around?
What I do regret is putting my child in such a horrible situation and that I had so little regard for myself. He called me mug at one point.
Please do the right thing for your family. No good will follow if you don't.

Octomore · 25/03/2022 13:12

Agree with this! Not the list.

BestZebbie · 25/03/2022 13:12

He wishes to either take full use of all your assets and live exactly as he pleases whilst you look after him, have sex with him and pay his way without spending money on yourself and only the minimum on the kids, or do that and then move onto another woman (without kids) after a few years, taking half your assets with him and leaving you with three children to parent alone.

NowEvenBetter · 25/03/2022 13:23

Wow. In future you need to safeguard your daughters and not allow some complete stranger to move in to their house. That’s really bad.

Sounds like he’s not worth dating anyway, so remove him from your property and decide if you want to be a single parent of two, or three.
Did you both get STI tests before unprotected sex began?

PferdeMerde · 25/03/2022 13:27

Make sure to use contraception in the future. Don't be so naive again.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 25/03/2022 13:28

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

OP posts:
Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 25/03/2022 13:28

My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him
So he’s manipulating you to stay with him, he lied about his fertility to get you pregnant and keep you tied to him, he moved himself in.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together
I bet he did!

On the off chance this is genuine….
Jesus, get rid. You do not want to teach your DD that this is what they should settle for. In this situation I would absolutely have the abortion.

Crimeismymiddlename · 25/03/2022 13:28

Don’t tell him you are pregnant and have an abortion.
Also, it is baffling to me that your boyfriend who frankly you barely know just moved himself in after a month without you saying a word, and you felt guilt that you did not love him more and took his bizarre reasoning that you don’t need time away from him as a good reason.
He wants you to sell your asset to fund him in a new home even though he earns three times more than you, and you barely know him.
He only started paying his was after three months as you were to polite to ask.
You really need to look at how low your boundaries are. This is really bad, and very unfair on your children. He sounds like he is totally taking advantage, and why wouldn’t he, it’s not like you telling no.

Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 25/03/2022 13:29

Ahh cross posted.

Glad he’s going, you deserve better Flowers

PferdeMerde · 25/03/2022 13:30

And take your next relationship slowly. Your daughters don't need to be exposed to every deadbeat straight away. Safeguard them.

tara66 · 25/03/2022 13:31

You have allowed yourself to be deceived and taken advantage of and with still worse to come if the situation continues. Time to end this arrangement which you never really wanted in the first place.

HellToTheNope · 25/03/2022 13:32

Tell him now that it's over and not to come back. If he has a key, take it from him. Do this for your daughters, op. Bringing him into their lives was a huge mistake.

LittleWins · 25/03/2022 13:32

@AmyJahabee

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

That’s great news. I would let him head off then message later saying you agree it’s not a good situation and you don’t want him to move back in.

Keep in mind he might be saying this to make you feel guilty or plead for him to stay. Don’t fall for it.

SpacePotato · 25/03/2022 13:32

Tell him to go home permanently.

justanoldhack · 25/03/2022 13:33

Not sure what the issue is... You want and abortion and for him to move out. You say if you get the abortion, he'll move out.

Sorted

FrodoAteMyRing · 25/03/2022 13:33

Wtf did I just read!?
OP you sound vulnerable and, sorry to say, very naive. You need to take back control of your own life! You are almost acting like a child, way too passive! You are a grown up! Chuck this loser out and get an abortion. YOU do have the right to have control over your own life and body!

PerseverancePays · 25/03/2022 13:35

Good for you. If he has keys then maybe ask for them back or get the locks changed if you think he would be unpleasant.
Life is for learning, we all make mistakes. You're doing great.

Sisisimone · 25/03/2022 13:36

I would let him head off then message later saying you agree it’s not a good situation and you don’t want him to move back in
Definitely this
I'd be changing my locks as well

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 25/03/2022 13:37

He is now going to punish you and weaponise the abortion and bring that up in every argument he has with you. The lying about infertility was to to trick and trap you. Please when you find the strength in yourself get away from this sponging lying abusive man. These men are a type, he will destroy your life and your daughters. Get away from him.