My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

[AmyJahabee]

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

If you didn’t want to be pregnant you should have taken the proper measures. Just like men are always told on MN.

This is all on you.

This sounds very odd. Is he from the same culture as you? Don't you think he sounds very pushy? I would have an abortion and get rid of him asap. There's something fishy in this situation

He's the definition of a cocklodger.

Dump him, abort the baby and see the signs for next time.

NEVER believe anyone who says they can't have babies until you see proof of tided / cut tubes or lack of uterus.

Please check back in@AmyJahabee and let us know what your thoughts are. This must be massive for you, but we are your support.

How many red flags do you need to see OP?

Kick the guy out anyway - regardless of what YOU decide on the pregnancy - as he sounds like a complete waste of space.

What’s he bringing to your life (other than extra expenses, lies and an unwanted pregnancy)?

But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house.

Nope. You're 37 and have children who are dependent on you.

You allowed him to move in and need to take responsibility for the fact you allowed that and that it was a mistake.

Yes it's good you can see now it was a mistake but by making this something he did rather than something you allowed, you're removing your power from the situation in your own head which is why you're finding it harder to make definitive decisions now when it comes to this man.

He's clearly not a good egg. He's lied to you and taken advantage. He didn't even financially contribute for months despite living with a single mum and her kids.

So you need to end the relationship or you're teaching your daughters some very damaging lessons about relationships.

And in your position I would personally 100% terminate and it sounds like that's what you want too.

And I would suggest some counselling to discuss your boundaries because you have children, two little girls, and allowed a man you had been seeing for a matter of weeks (for 30th days!!) move into their home.

You see this (him moving in) as something that happened to you but it's something you did. You chose to be passive and allow it to happen. People will say I'm being mean I'm but your responsibility is to your daughters and you haven't adequately safeguarded them.

In your circumstances I would tell him to leave. I wouldn’t tell him about the pregnancy. I would get an abortion too.

Have the abortion then run the fuck away and think about why you want to be polite to someone who moved into your paid-off house without asking or contributing without being asked. Oh is asking you to sell said house.

So many red flags. So many.

Cocklodger. For someone who sounds as if they should be fairly intelligent about this you’ve been a bit foolish falling hook, line and sinker for his rubbish.

Turf him out and get an abortion.

Op, he is using your "niceness" against you.

You were too polite and waited for him to offer to contribute. You believed him about infertility.

Please don't allow your fear of confrontation let you sleep walk into a nightmare relationship. He is waving so many redflags and if you have a child you will be tied to this man forever.

If he is behaving like this at 6 months in, by 6 years you will be fully under his control. The impact to your daughters will be life changing.

Hes paying you a third where does that come from

just because his ex didnt get pregnant doesnt mean he cant reproduce she might have had the problem

You own your own home mortgage free. He was still living with his mum at age 42 despite earning 3x what you do.

He moved in without an invitation and didn’t even offer to pay, you had to ask.

He said he was infertile and the was untrue.

He uses emotional blackmail to get you to do what he wants.

You can do better than this man OP. There’s a reason that no other woman has snapped him up! This relationship is already making you upset in what should be the blissful early stages, imagine how it will be a few years later once he knows it’s harder for you to leave.

I would end this relationship. Even without all the other red flags it is a massive, massive big deal that he said he was infertile but is not.

I agree with those saying have the abortion and kick him out. Him leaving is absolutely the best outcome here.

What do your daughters think of him? What does he use his salary for if he isn't contributing?
I would chuck him out ASAP, OP. Put your daughters first, then decide about the termination.

Its been too soon for everything as you have now found out. And you seem to have let him take you over somewhat.. Your pregnancy seems not a good idea right now.

Do you have any real life support to help you end this relationship?

Please don’t tell him that you’re pregnant, in the hope that having an abortion will drive him away, thus resolving the situation. It won’t play out like that.

He has manoeuvred you into a relationship, into your home and now he has got you pregnant to lock you to him. It is vanishingly unlikely that he hasn’t planned this.

If you tell him you want an abortion he will convince you not to, through emotional manipulation or other pressure.

You need to free yourself now. And it doesn’t sound like you have the emotional resilience to do so without help. If necessary call womens aid because this is an abusive situation.

I never normally say “have the abortion” as it’s obviously your choice and I wouldn’t want to tell you what to do. But in this case, I really would do that in your shoes.

You let a man you hardly knew move himself into not only your home but your daughters’??? Without even ever really agreeing to it? That’s insane. And you believed he was infertile just because he said so??

Kick him out right now! He sounds seriously dodgy ffs, if not dangerous.

So have the termination

Then dump him

@AmyJahabee

Yes he contributed a third to bill. And my house is fully paid for.He basically earns 3 times more than me. He only start contributing in early February when I have to ask him I thought as he moved in himself he would’ve offered so was been polite and waiting.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together. I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

Wake up and smell the coffee! He's taking you for a proper ride-have the abortion and get rid of him as well

I'm sorry you're in this situation OP but really, this situation is shocking.

You moved a man into your home who you don't know. I sincerely hope you have never left him alone with your children.

You have a responsibility to protect your children and you have allowed a relationship you didn't feel quite right about anyway to come before their safety.

Time to wake up and be a parent.

I know this sounds harsh and as a single parent I understand the desire for a relationship. However you really need to be aware that there are A LOT of people out there in the dating world who aren't what they seem. It's one thing to put your own happiness and safety at risk but you are a parent and should be taking measures to avoid dragging your children through your relationship mistakes.

@AmyJahabee

Yes he contributed a third to bill. And my house is fully paid for.He basically earns 3 times more than me. He only start contributing in early February when I have to ask him I thought as he moved in himself he would’ve offered so was been polite and waiting.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together. I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

Please don’t post any more updates! You are making him sound worse with every word. I am so sorry that you have been tricked by this manipulative and sly man and that now you are the one who is having to face the consequences of his lies.

In your situationI would have the abortion, he doesn’t sound like the sort of person who will cope well with the responsibility of parenthood, but you will be shackled to him for 18 years nevertheless.

You need to think of your other children as well as your own needs, you have done so well as a single parent, don’t allow their financial and emotional security to be scuppered by a bad choice you made but now regret.

@AmyJahabee this sounds all wrong.

🚩 Moved in without your permission
🚩 Didn't offer to contribute to bills
🚩 Lied about his fertility
🚩 Wants you to use proceeds from your house alone to fund a new house which I presume he'll want to be on the mortgage for and have a share of the property

Red flags everywhere! This is way too much too soon, it's only been 5 months. If you want an abortion, it's your choice and you do not have to tell him you're pregnant. It seems like you'd be pressured into keeping it and you'd be stuck dealing with him forever. Quite frankly, I think this will escalate quickly and he'll be steam rolling you very soon so if it were me, I'd be inclined to end it with him too.

Get out now. How much work has he done on the house? How much has he contributed because unfortunately he could have a claim for a share of your house if he’s added monetary value. He may have known this hence why he’s done it. He sounds very manipulative and you will better off without him.

First things first. Get his key off him and move him out. It's slippery slope op. If he is to move in at some point in the future ( when you have a proper commitment like marriage or equivalent legal paperwork) then

Get an abortion and get him out now.