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Original poster

Would you choose the man or the dog

245 replies

Banjjoo3 · 24/03/2022 07:09

I’m having a difficult situation at home. My Fiancé HATES dogs, any dog. He hates the mess they make, the smell everything about them. I am the opposite, I love dogs. We live a country lifestyle, on a farm, with horses, chickens etc. my fiancé is away a lot for work so last year finally agreed that I could get a puppy 🐾. Now this puppy has been particularly difficult…in fact he’s nuts! He’s chewed up flooring, kitchen units, any left footed shoe, he runs full speed into the pond then rolls in fox shit just for fun, he chases the calves, barks at the horses, and is generally a menace (which I love him for). He’s been trained so will do all the usual obedience stuff, comes to work with me, gets a lot of exercise, all the usual stuff.

Yesterday, after he decided to shit in one of the cupboards my fiancé mentioned that he just can’t live with him anymore, that he hates having a dog and it’s making him really down, he doesn’t want to be at home because he hates him so much, I’m sure you get the picture.

The thing is, I would never give up on my responsibilities, I love the dog and he’s great company when he’s away so much, and a comfort as we have no close neighbours. So what would you pick, the man or the dog?!?

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 24/03/2022 10:16

Get a trainer in, that’s the only way to reassure your future DH you take things seriously. It sounds like you have “a lot of dog “- we have a lab, my parents always had small dogs who you didn’t know were around to be honest. Current dog took a lot of training and she’s still a lunatic at age 11. He’s pulled over picnic benches, drunk cider and vomited in my car, knocked me over, pulled DH into a river, knocked a man over (who thank god found it funny and yes that was the last time he went off lead). He’s pinched things, eaten things, rolled in things, has terrible recall. It’s been hard work. Good luck!

Wedonttalkaboutrats · 24/03/2022 10:31

Monster dog, miserable fiancé. I’d get rid of them both and get a cat.

Elleinad0 · 24/03/2022 10:34

I feel sorry for your husband.

You need to be doing more to sort this out. There's a lot of humour in your posts and you're not coming across as a sensible dog owner at all!

ivfbabymomma1 · 24/03/2022 10:34

The dog 1000%

Jonny1265 · 24/03/2022 10:40

@Wedonttalkaboutrats

Monster dog, miserable fiancé. I’d get rid of them both and get a cat.
🤣🤣
Jonny1265 · 24/03/2022 10:42

Your dog is poorly trained and you are letting it get away with poor behaviour because it is small. This is really poor dog ownership.

isthismylifenow · 24/03/2022 10:42

@Banjjoo3

Thank you. I was starting to think my dog was the only dog that has never had an accident in the house at under a year old, in my eyes he’s still a puppy but maybe im being naive.

Naturally the only reason im on the relationship board is because I’ve had some issues in my relationship! How would I know this board existed if that was not the case. My fiancé and I have had our difficulties, we are both blessed to have very successful but stressful careers, he suffers with extreme depressive episodes, one we are just coming to the end of (we hope). We are still getting married, albeit later in the year rather than this month as planned. Whilst he has been unwell this time the dog has been a great comfort to me and our son, I admit that probably due to his size I am more lenient on certain behaviours, but he has such a huge personality I can’t help but adore him.

Do I think I would actually choose between them? I very much doubt it, we’ve been through a lot more than an untrained puppy together, and im pleased he opens up to me and tells me how he’s feeling. If I didn’t respect him I wouldn’t be here asking for advice. I take both my responsibility as an animal owner and a partner very seriously and would like us to all live harmoniously, as we used to with our (my) previous dog. We both know he’ll never be a ‘dog’ person, but he respects me enough to understand a dog makes me happy and feel safe when he’s away so much, and I him, in order to get on top of this asap. He did say get rid of this dog and we’ll get another that maybe isn’t quite so hyper, but that is just not an option to me.

So, after this update....

You have had relationship issues, your dp is going through a depressive episode, you had a dog who you seem to care for more than any of your other animals and are not disciplining as you should, your dp dislikes the dog and has asked for it to be rehomed. This is not an option though. You are getting married although in jest you ask whether your fiance or this dog should take priority in your life.

You have not replied as to why this dog is being allowed to cause distress to your other animals though. It is not cute and you should not be being lenient.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 24/03/2022 10:47

there is no choice,
you chose the dog
the accident was a 1 in 10 occurrence - not everyday - he will calm down.
just tell your partner this

MrsLargeEmbodied · 24/03/2022 10:47

watch Dogs behaving badly - see why the dog is barking at the calves, and horses,
calm him down.

StopStartStop · 24/03/2022 10:48

Anyone shitting in my cupboards would have to go - man or dog. Get rid of them both. Or get rid of the man and get the dog a luxury kennel to live outdoors. Tbh, I wouldn't want to live with someone who was ok with dogshit in the house, so perhaps your man will leave.

Itwasnotmeormydog · 24/03/2022 10:50

I would stop giving my dog the opportunity to chase the calves and train him not to bark at the horses.

PriestessofPing · 24/03/2022 10:51

Based on your latest update, i’ve changed my mind. I think that this relationship sounds bad and it seems crazy that you are still considering marrying someone with these many issues. Is he your child’s father?

irregularegular · 24/03/2022 10:52

We've heard a lot about the dog. Tell us about your fiance. The dog sounds like a complete pain to me (but I have pretty low tolerance for dogs...). If the only problem with your fiance is that he doesn't want to live with an animal shitting in the cupboards, then I would have though that finding another home for the dog is a pretty reasonable compromise!

You talk about not giving up on your responsibilities. I thinking finding another good home for a dog is really giving up. What about your responsibilities to someone you have agreed to marry???

Viviennemary · 24/03/2022 10:52

The dog sounds like an out of control nuisance. And why are you letting it harrass your other animals. Don't they matter.

PriestessofPing · 24/03/2022 10:52

Sorry, I misread it, it does say your son together, my apologies.

irregularegular · 24/03/2022 10:57

You have a child together??? I seriously hope you were joking about ending the relationship because of a dog!

Either you have more serious issues in your relationship. Or you have a very odd set of priorities.

Can't believe you just referred to him as your fiance after 10 years together and a child...

Pamlar · 24/03/2022 11:19

The dog needs better training. I feel sorry for your fiance. Who wants to live in a house full of damage, chaos and shite?
I do also feel sorry for the puppy -not his or her fault.
If this was the other way round a man choosing an unruly pet over a woman the responses would be so much more sympathetic.
I love dogs but completely understand why he's upset.
I haven't read the whole thread. Sorry if I've missed something

Original poster
Banjjoo3 · 24/03/2022 11:24

I certainly am not happy with having 💩 in the house either! The dog is a nuisance, I’m not pretending he isn’t. Thankfully he is only small and not a larger dog or we really would have serious issues.

Our farm is split, we have our stables just beyond the house and the farm is beyond that. The paddocks are connected though, therefore my horses graze quite often alongside the paddocks with the cattle in. The calves are new and he’d never seen them before, when I was walking him he saw the calves and started barking at them, naturally I put him back on his lead and he’s not been allowed off since (I’m fully aware that the cows are more likely to trample their calves than him). It could be the reason why he went in the house yesterday. Right or wrong, I live on a private estate with hundreds of acres, I do let me dog off the lead more than not as we have plenty of space. He may need to get more used to not having such freedom. To those that question my relationship or whether I’m set up to have a dog, I think we do. We don’t live in a small house and the dog does not go into the main living spaces of the house, it’s kitchen only on by the fire if we are in the lounge, that’s it. My fiancé and I are in a good place at the moment, we’re not perfect, but we’re certainly better than most. Neither of us would want to give up our life together and he would never want to ask him to give up the dog, but he has voiced that the dogs behaviour is currently making him unhappy. Again lucky that we have so much space that he doesn’t have to be on top of him all the time.

I have contacted my dog trainer who is going to come and give some ‘intensive’ training to try and get on top of him. I’ve also just bought my fiancé a small gift and card from the dog apologising. Hopefully he will settle with some more training and maturity. In his defence, there are a lot of smells and exciting things where we live, not an excuse but many dogs would fun his environment exciting.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 24/03/2022 11:27

So at the end of the day, you'll stay with a whiny fiance (because of the kid and you want to get married).

I am a bit shocked that you don't know how to train dogs that well seeing as you seem to have had experience of them. Chiahuahua's are annoying PITAs and so are Pugs - both can be harder to train than e.g. other dogs so why you got a crossbreed of that sort I don't know!

MyWinterRose · 24/03/2022 11:31

I would pick the man.

You were irresponsible to get a puppy knowing your Fiancé hates dogs, he was never going to have the patience for training etc for an animal he hates. If you are willing to choose a dog over your partner of 10 years you obviously don't care much about him.

I really don't understand the obsession with dogs, its clearly causing distress to the other animals and not fair on them to have an untrained mutt barking at them.

Merrymouse · 24/03/2022 11:35

A trainer won’t do any good if you don’t put in the time.

A 1 year old dog should be house trained, and if it’s feeling the need to poop in the house it will be either because it has been left for too long and has no other option or because it hasn’t been trained.

It sounds as though you are relying on the size of the dog and grounds instead of training the dog.

Original poster
Banjjoo3 · 24/03/2022 11:38

Yes I absolutely agree that the dog needs further training.

OP posts:
Merrymouse · 24/03/2022 11:41

Further training from you though, even when it’s inconvenient - not just outsourcing the problem.

Original poster
Banjjoo3 · 24/03/2022 11:42

Agreed

OP posts:
Minniem2020 · 24/03/2022 11:46

I also do not like dogs and I think your partner was very good to agree to you getting one in the 1st place when he feels that way. I physically could not live with a dog
I really think you need to concentrate on getting the dog properly trained as he sounds like a nightmare and I can understand someone not wanting to live with him

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