Would you choose the man or the dog

[Banjjoo3]

I’m having a difficult situation at home. My Fiancé HATES dogs, any dog. He hates the mess they make, the smell everything about them. I am the opposite, I love dogs. We live a country lifestyle, on a farm, with horses, chickens etc. my fiancé is away a lot for work so last year finally agreed that I could get a puppy 🐾. Now this puppy has been particularly difficult…in fact he’s nuts! He’s chewed up flooring, kitchen units, any left footed shoe, he runs full speed into the pond then rolls in fox shit just for fun, he chases the calves, barks at the horses, and is generally a menace (which I love him for). He’s been trained so will do all the usual obedience stuff, comes to work with me, gets a lot of exercise, all the usual stuff.

Yesterday, after he decided to shit in one of the cupboards my fiancé mentioned that he just can’t live with him anymore, that he hates having a dog and it’s making him really down, he doesn’t want to be at home because he hates him so much, I’m sure you get the picture.

The thing is, I would never give up on my responsibilities, I love the dog and he’s great company when he’s away so much, and a comfort as we have no close neighbours. So what would you pick, the man or the dog?!?

I've just looked back at your other posts.

You need to back your fiance here.

He's clearly struggling desperately on a day to day basis and the behaviour of your dog would drive anyone to despair. He really did a generous thing in agreeing to a dog when he hates them so much but if it's behaviour is being so detrimental to his health and well being then you need to support him.

Question though - Are you genuinely at a point where you're choosing between your fiance and your dog or did you say that for effect?

If so then your problems are bigger than what you've said here and you should think carefully but it would suggest you're checking out of your relationship.

If you were being lighthearted in wondering who to choose...Well you choose your fiance but before rehoming I would get the best trainer money can buy and see how that helps.

By the way Fox crap is so normal especially in the country, dogs love it god only knows why - I have had to wash my dogs twice this week so far as they rolled around it and came in stinking. Its part and parcel of dogs :)

This is a really sad situation for all of you.

I don't think talking someone into getting a dog is ever going to work- everyone knows puppies can be a pain in the arse so you all have to be genuinely on board. It also sounds as if you need to get more serious with training and maybe get a professional to help.

On the other hand, your DP is an adult, he did agree to get a dog and he should know that this difficult stage will not last forever.

Reading the initial post, I assumed this was a new relationship and was going to suggest that you don't sound well-suited. But you have been together 10 years so that's a bit different. I think in your shoes I would try to find a third solution- put together a proper plan for training the puppy, get professional help, Be more organised so that the puppy doesn't get the chance to shit in cupboards and bark at calves. A bit less easy-breezy about it all, because the impression I get from your post is that you're finding it vaguely amusing and I feel for your DP that you're making light of it in this way. Present DP with a plan and let him know you understand his feelings- I suspect that might go a long way.

I can’t understand why you wouldn’t put more effort into training your dog when you know your fiancé hates them. Come on OP, do your bit!

Dog but with lots of training asap.

Dog sounds like a nightmare and you are willing to give up your 10 year relationship for it? More fool you.

The dog shouldn't be allowed to bark at calves and horses. One kick from an anxious or scared animal and your cute little puppy will be dead. Get your dog under control if it's going to be around livestock. At the moment you're not acting in the best interests of the hoofed animals either allowing them to be barked at. Don't you have a duty of care to them as well?

I’m a dog lover and was ready to say pick the dog over the man.

However, the dog being covered in shit, chasing calves and farm animals shows you are unable to control your dog. Your dog is a nuisance and that is down to you.
Any untrained dog should be on a lead until it has been properly trained, especially around livestock.
Surely the dog should be housetrained by now too?

Maybe you coming on here to ask that question, 10 years into a relationship shows you want out.
You don’t respect your dp. He was willing to compromise about the dog but he didn’t count on ending up with a nightmare animal.

To answer your question .... if you really want to stay with your dp then you have to get the dog properly trained and keep on a leash until you achieve that.
If you can’t do that then let your dp find someone else who respects him.
It sounds like he gave you an inch and you took a mile.

Tell your fiancé you can't cope with him shitting in the cupboards and it's over, then get another dog so the two of you won't be lonely.

I would chose the dog. I don’t think he is at all a “strange breed” for a farm, he’s a pet, not a working dog. Most dogs can be bloody annoying in the puppy stages and he’s only a year old! It is completely unreasonable to expect perfect behaviour at that age. If you carry on with the training and, as he naturally matures, he will settle down. Your fiancé needs to be more patient.
But then, I would never have even dated a man who doesn’t like dogs as much as me. I have lots and yes, they very, very occasionally (shock horror) crap in the house. Takes 2 minutes to clean up, no big deal…..

You don't sound that compatible... I'm with keep the dog!

Dog

@EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter

This is a no-brainer. You live on a slice of paradise with horses, chickens, fun and freedom.

Then when his lordship returns he sprinkles misery and moaning.

Bin him and get another horse.

Haha! 'Bin him and get another horse'

Choose the dog though, if you're having to consider it then it obviously means you don't mind getting rid of the man therefore the dog wins. The dog sounds like a loveable pain in the arse who is living in ideal doggy surroundings.

Maybe your fiance needs to spend some quality just man and dog time roaming around. Otherwise I'm sorry I'd choose the dog.

Have you actually read any of the OPs posts about this dog?. Her dog
barks at her stabled horses and chases calves; this is a serious matter. Many farmers shoot dogs who worry and or otherwise frighten cattle.

Thank you. I was starting to think my dog was the only dog that has never had an accident in the house at under a year old, in my eyes he’s still a puppy but maybe im being naive.

Naturally the only reason im on the relationship board is because I’ve had some issues in my relationship! How would I know this board existed if that was not the case. My fiancé and I have had our difficulties, we are both blessed to have very successful but stressful careers, he suffers with extreme depressive episodes, one we are just coming to the end of (we hope). We are still getting married, albeit later in the year rather than this month as planned. Whilst he has been unwell this time the dog has been a great comfort to me and our son, I admit that probably due to his size I am more lenient on certain behaviours, but he has such a huge personality I can’t help but adore him.

Do I think I would actually choose between them? I very much doubt it, we’ve been through a lot more than an untrained puppy together, and im pleased he opens up to me and tells me how he’s feeling. If I didn’t respect him I wouldn’t be here asking for advice. I take both my responsibility as an animal owner and a partner very seriously and would like us to all live harmoniously, as we used to with our (my) previous dog. We both know he’ll never be a ‘dog’ person, but he respects me enough to understand a dog makes me happy and feel safe when he’s away so much, and I him, in order to get on top of this asap. He did say get rid of this dog and we’ll get another that maybe isn’t quite so hyper, but that is just not an option to me.

Most dogs can be bloody annoying in the puppy stages and he’s only a year old! It is completely unreasonable to expect perfect behaviour at that age.

Most dogs are house trained well before 1. No dog should be worrying livestock and it is reasonable to expect a dog owner to understand this.

Most dogs can be bloody annoying in the puppy stages and he’s only a year old! It is completely unreasonable to expect perfect behaviour at that age

This is a one year old dog - not a puppy. And it lives on a farm/in the countryside where dogs need to be well-trained for their own safety and for the safety of other animals. If the op can't manage to train the dog herself, she needs to find someone who can. And until the dog can be trusted around other animals (calves/horses etc) it needs to be restrained - not allowed to roam free.

The problem here is not with the partner or the dog - it's with the person responsible for managing the dog's behaviour. And the 'just a puppy' excuse is out of date.

I'm Team Dog, but puppies are always a menace so he will probably be a better dog for your DH when he's older.

I actually feel sorry for the fiance. He hates dogs and you pressured him into having a dog in his home anyway. That wasn’t fair OP. You should never have got the dog in the first place, this was always going to be a disaster and it was arrogant of you to assume otherwise.

If the dog is a nightmare it shouldn’t have free access to the whole house. You’re on a farm, can’t it stay in a stable or barn when it’s not with you?

I would not get into some absurd “love me, love my dog” row. Address the problem. You have a badly behaved dog that’s running wild. Fix that problem, either with training, or keeping it out of the main house, or rehoming.

Your dog shat in a cupboard? That’s next level naughty 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’d bin the man. I wouldn’t expect him to clean up the cupboard shat though. I don’t think I’d go out with someone that hates dogs as I always want a a dog. For someone who hates them it’s really a deal breaker imo, they take up so much time etc it’s too big a compromise.

"I admit that probably due to his size I am more lenient on certain behaviours, but he has such a huge personality I can’t help but adore him".

Your dog is confused and wonders where he is in the pecking order.
Your leniency to date re your dog's behaviour around your cattle and horses has not benefitted your dog any. Also why is this animal at all running alongside your horse when you're riding it?.

@StrawberryPot

Most dogs can be bloody annoying in the puppy stages and he’s only a year old! It is completely unreasonable to expect perfect behaviour at that age

This is a one year old dog - not a puppy. And it lives on a farm/in the countryside where dogs need to be well-trained for their own safety and for the safety of other animals. If the op can't manage to train the dog herself, she needs to find someone who can. And until the dog can be trusted around other animals (calves/horses etc) it needs to be restrained - not allowed to roam free.

The problem here is not with the partner or the dog - it's with the person responsible for managing the dog's behaviour. And the 'just a puppy' excuse is out of date.

I agree.

A dog in its prime won’t just naturally calm down and become quieter, bad habits will just become more ingrained.

he chases the calves, barks at the horses, and is generally a menace (which I love him for).

This part of your post bothers me the most. It’s all very well loving your dog but don’t love it for it’s menacing behaviour towards your other poor animals. You sound highly irresponsible, and if I were your fiancé I would be leaving YOU for not bothering to at least train the dog that YOU wanted so much.

Also, if the OP and her fiancée have a son together, it’s a little late to decide the most important priority is having a dog.