Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you choose the man or the dog

245 replies

Banjjoo3 · 24/03/2022 07:09

I’m having a difficult situation at home. My Fiancé HATES dogs, any dog. He hates the mess they make, the smell everything about them. I am the opposite, I love dogs. We live a country lifestyle, on a farm, with horses, chickens etc. my fiancé is away a lot for work so last year finally agreed that I could get a puppy 🐾. Now this puppy has been particularly difficult…in fact he’s nuts! He’s chewed up flooring, kitchen units, any left footed shoe, he runs full speed into the pond then rolls in fox shit just for fun, he chases the calves, barks at the horses, and is generally a menace (which I love him for). He’s been trained so will do all the usual obedience stuff, comes to work with me, gets a lot of exercise, all the usual stuff.

Yesterday, after he decided to shit in one of the cupboards my fiancé mentioned that he just can’t live with him anymore, that he hates having a dog and it’s making him really down, he doesn’t want to be at home because he hates him so much, I’m sure you get the picture.

The thing is, I would never give up on my responsibilities, I love the dog and he’s great company when he’s away so much, and a comfort as we have no close neighbours. So what would you pick, the man or the dog?!?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 24/03/2022 08:30

10 years in the relationship, you shouldn't have to think about this at all.

The fact that you do makes me think you want the dog.

Maybe the relationship has had its day.

EarringsandLipstick · 24/03/2022 08:31

Your update indicates to me even more that your DP is completely reasonable about this.

HeadacheEarthquake · 24/03/2022 08:32

I'm sorry - I adore animals, but the dog shat in the cupboard?

I'm on his side.

SickAndTiredAgain · 24/03/2022 08:32

He chases calves and you think this makes him a lovable menace?

dottydodah · 24/03/2022 08:32

Dog for me every time! In fact split up with someone for this reason .Honestly who on earth heard of a farm without a dog FFS .He needs binning off

JudyGemstone · 24/03/2022 08:34

Agree with giving it 6 months to see if additional training/maturity make a difference.

But if the relationship is generally good then I wouldn’t choose a this particular dog over a partner no

LittleWins · 24/03/2022 08:35

@wetotter

I would expect my OH to be pro active in training

OP's fiancé is away a lot, so (lack of) training is down to her. Especially as he didn't really want one in the first place, so it's definitely her dog

It’s all about consistency though isn’t it? How did he manage the poo in the cupboard situation with the dog?
AnotherForumUser · 24/03/2022 08:35

I'd keep the dog and keep on with the training. Puppies can be challenging but don't give up. I think pets can be a deal-breaker if one partner really loves them and the other wants to be pet free. I'm not sure there can be a compromise unless you live separately.

Merrymouse · 24/03/2022 08:35

OP, who owns the calves. Why do you think it’s funny that your dog is worrying livestock?

Trixiefirecracker · 24/03/2022 08:36

@dottydodah but most farm dogs I know are impeccably trained and no farmer I know would allow a dog to bark at their horses or chase their cows? The dog is not trained and the dogs behaviour unacceptable.

StrawberryPot · 24/03/2022 08:37

The dog of course. I don't think I could actually be with someone who didn't like dogs.

Having said that, at one year old your dog should be housetrained and should NOT be barking at livestock. Sounds like you haven't put enough effort into training.

Merrymouse · 24/03/2022 08:38

I agree that if after 10 years you are considering ditching your partner instead of properly managing your dog, the relationship doesn’t sound very solid.

GahAndTheBear · 24/03/2022 08:39

@LittleWins

I would expect my OH to be pro active in training and attack that together rather than just throwing toys from his push chair.

It does sound annoying but he loves you and you love the dog so he needs to step up.

He didn’t actually want a dog. It’s probably a fair assumption that the process of wearing him down into agreeing to one included, ‘I’ll do it all. It won’t cause you any problems’.
EarringsandLipstick · 24/03/2022 08:39

@dottydodah

Dog for me every time! In fact split up with someone for this reason .Honestly who on earth heard of a farm without a dog FFS .He needs binning off
Are you insane? He needs 'binning off' (horrible phrase) because he doesn't like a 1 year old out of control dog in his home?
Hoppinggreen · 24/03/2022 08:39

Dog
I didn’t need to even read the thread, just the titlec

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/03/2022 08:40

Do you really have enough time to deal with such an animal given all the other things you do?. Clearly not. The current schedule of dog training is poorly managed, your dog is pooing in the cupboard which is unacceptable.

Something has to give here and it looks like your relationship. I think your partner has only tolerated this at all until now because he is working away more often than not.

HoppingPavlova · 24/03/2022 08:41

I’d choose the dog. But I don’t believe your point that the dog has been trained. As you sum up, it’s a menace and to top it off a menace that shits in cupboards. If you think that’s a trained dog you are deluded. I’d pick the dog but get proper training at this point.

lemonyfox · 24/03/2022 08:41

It really should be Option C, really spend time and focus on training the dog to be better behaved!

(I have a dog, I love dogs, I'm not dog bashing!)

Motnight · 24/03/2022 08:44

The dog shits in cupboards? How is that well trained?! It's disgusting. I wouldn't want to live like that.

HellToTheNope · 24/03/2022 08:44

Your dog is an untrained nightmare, and that is negligent on your part.

PriestessofPing · 24/03/2022 08:45

I’d pick the marriage tbh, especially as he’s already accepted one dog and tried with this new dog. Also, what would happen to the idyllic farm living if you split up? Could you afford to keep that up yourself? Could you end up with no fiancé , no farm but a dog or would it be everything as it is minus him?

SoupDragon · 24/03/2022 08:46

I AM a responsible dog owner

So why is he given the opportunity to chase calves?

Wexone · 24/03/2022 08:47

I am a huge dog person, love them and would defo pick dog over man anytime. However you need help from a very good dog trainer here, to help you train your dog properly, some of the things you describe are not right. Why is your dog crapping in the cupboards? Is he frightened ? Have you not got him into a routine of going out in mornings and evenings plus your walks? Dogs chew all time, he their way of relieving stress, does he have his onw toys ? Kong toys are great, do he have a bed or safe place to go to relax in evening ? He mostly certainly not be chasing calves or bark at horse. I can see why your ether halve has reached breaking point. Please go to some dog training classes

peacocktail · 24/03/2022 08:48

Choose the dog, you will regret it forever if you don't

SantaHat · 24/03/2022 08:48

I AM a responsible dog owner funny how it doesn’t come across that way…