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Original poster

Would you choose the man or the dog

245 replies

Banjjoo3 · 24/03/2022 07:09

I’m having a difficult situation at home. My Fiancé HATES dogs, any dog. He hates the mess they make, the smell everything about them. I am the opposite, I love dogs. We live a country lifestyle, on a farm, with horses, chickens etc. my fiancé is away a lot for work so last year finally agreed that I could get a puppy 🐾. Now this puppy has been particularly difficult…in fact he’s nuts! He’s chewed up flooring, kitchen units, any left footed shoe, he runs full speed into the pond then rolls in fox shit just for fun, he chases the calves, barks at the horses, and is generally a menace (which I love him for). He’s been trained so will do all the usual obedience stuff, comes to work with me, gets a lot of exercise, all the usual stuff.

Yesterday, after he decided to shit in one of the cupboards my fiancé mentioned that he just can’t live with him anymore, that he hates having a dog and it’s making him really down, he doesn’t want to be at home because he hates him so much, I’m sure you get the picture.

The thing is, I would never give up on my responsibilities, I love the dog and he’s great company when he’s away so much, and a comfort as we have no close neighbours. So what would you pick, the man or the dog?!?

OP posts:
NandorTheRelentlessCleaner · 24/03/2022 07:56

Omg what breed is this dog?

Shitting in the cupboard not fun at all, nor is chasing calves

Could he be trained?(the dog)

RoseAndRose · 24/03/2022 08:01

I'd choose the dog.

But I'm with your DP - the dog isn't even housetrained fully and gets into cupboards and is in your swords 'a menace' I wouldn't want to put up with that.

SerendipitySunshine · 24/03/2022 08:01

The dog. Plus it'll calm down, puppies generally do.

GahAndTheBear · 24/03/2022 08:02

I feel sorry for the man too. You knew he didn’t want a dog. He probably agreed to the puppy under significant pressure from you. And now he’s dealing with chewed shoes, shitting in cupboards and chasing livestock.

It sounds like you’ve let him down

SoupDragon · 24/03/2022 08:04

@SerendipitySunshine

The dog. Plus it'll calm down, puppies generally do.
Given the OP thinks it is trained and loves it because it's a "menace" I doubt it.
user1471457751 · 24/03/2022 08:06

You're kidding yourself if you think your dog is trained. It's not fair on your partner, the doh or the livestock. I've always had dogs but I'm feeling really sorry for your partner. You know he's not a fan but agreed to get one and you can't even be arsed to train it. It's not even house trained! That's one of the basics. Sounds like you like the idea of a dog much more than the reality.

SockFluffInTheBath · 24/03/2022 08:07

@SobranieCocktail

"he chases the calves, barks at the horses, and is generally a menace"

He does sound like a bit of a nightmare dog... Maybe work on him being much better behaved, and your partner will come round to being a dog owner?

This. The dog can’t be allowed to behave like this around the other animals. If my dog did that in a local field he’d be shot (or threatened at the very least) it’s not ok just because they’re all yours. Get the dog an experienced trainer (I’m guessing it’s a spaniel or a collie) before it causes harm.
thatweirdhippygirl · 24/03/2022 08:08

The man. A little bit astounded by those that would choose a dog over someone they supposedly love and want to marry Confused

Also, your dog isn’t trained. I have no idea why you think it is.

I feel sorry for your fiancé. And I love dogs.

Yousexybugger · 24/03/2022 08:10

Why are you letting your dog distress your other animals? At least own that it isn't well trained and don't try and attribute its behaviour to some loveable personality trait. I love animals and the countryside but not particularly dogs and would find dog shit in a cupboard gross. What if it bites a calf? Would that be adorable?

I'm with your partner. He has obviously agreed to this as companionship for you knowing he would be away a lot which is considerate of him. Your side of the bargain would have been ensuring the dog is trained and liveable- with, not just enjoying the idea of owning it.

EarringsandLipstick · 24/03/2022 08:11

I get you were probably aiming at being light-hearted but your post sounds incredibly dismissive of your partner's feelings, and your nightmare dog.

He's not trained. He's chasing calves? That's not amusing, that's totally unacceptable. As you surely realise.

Of course your DP isn't happy to come home to find poo in a cupboard - again, that's not an amusing story, it's a problem to be dealt with.

Sure, it's a puppy. But there shouldn't be an extended period of destruction & mayhem.

You need to sort it out & also have some respect for DP's feelings.

wetotter · 24/03/2022 08:13

OP is deluding herself if she thinks the dog is trained and adequately obedient.

She is letting the dog down, and I wouldnt want to stick around in those circs. Either train the dog or give it up for rehoming to someone who will. Or if she really can keep a badly behaved dog safely (might be possible rurally, but still horribly unfair on the dog) then accept that the marriage won't be happening

Bananarama21 · 24/03/2022 08:14

Your dog is poorly trained if it runs off and is shitting in cupboards. You need to get some advice on training him. What you describe isn't cute it sounds like a nightmare for the most patient of people. I feel sorry for your dp you knew he didn't like dogs yet you got one anyway and didn't train it. What breed is it?

VeryEventual · 24/03/2022 08:14

I'd pick the dog but does sound like you need to get his behaviour under control. More worth the time and effort working on the fogs behaviour than a relationship with someone who wants to get rid of him...

Mommabear20 · 24/03/2022 08:17

Dog! Every time! Dogs can be little (or big) shits, but at least we know it's usually our fault (lack of training etc) but with men (or women) they're usually just being an arsehole because that's who they are. A dog you can train and it'll love you forever, a partner is pretty untrainable and their lives can be very conditional.

Yousexybugger · 24/03/2022 08:18

How is the DP an arsehole for not wanting shit in the house and animals harassed by a badly trained dog?

LittleWins · 24/03/2022 08:20

I would expect my OH to be pro active in training and attack that together rather than just throwing toys from his push chair.

It does sound annoying but he loves you and you love the dog so he needs to step up.

MajesticallyAwkward · 24/03/2022 08:20

The dog. Every time the dog.

The dog didn't ask you to take him on but the man made the decision to get the dog. Maybe look at some training for your sanity and the other animals though.

Also, I don't think I could get past anyone callous enough to give you that ultimatum.

Original poster
Banjjoo3 · 24/03/2022 08:20

So we’ve been together for 10 years, when we were first together I had a dog (same breed as this one) who was beautifully behaved and clean. Although he didn’t ‘like’ him, they got along peacefully. When I lost that dog we had a couple of years without a dog, until last year when we got this one. The dog is coming up for 1year and I’ve been surprised at how ‘crazy’ he is! When I say trained I should have said in training - I was merely trying to get across that I AM a responsible dog owner and he is being trained. We event horses and my fiancé loves the farm life, but is very house proud. He loves the animals outside, because they live outside and don’t make any mess inside. We are very fortunate to have a good size kitchen and utility area and the dog is only allowed in there or by the fire if we’re in the lounge, he does not go upstairs and is not allowed on any furniture.

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 24/03/2022 08:22

The dog. More loyal than any man.

The dog will grow up and mature. Most do by 18m to 2years. Men on the other hand don't improve, well......they do but by the time they have they start sliding into grumpy old git territory.

Your fiance isn't there all the time, presumably through choice. The dog is company and security in his absence. If he loved you perhaps he would allow you this one thing that makes you happy. It's all well and good for people to say your choosing to have a dog makes him unhappy. Turn it on its head and ask "is his choice not to making you unhappy"

Plus it seems its a bigger issue around compatibility. If living in the country and having dogs and other animals is part of who you are, how you want to live then don't compromise. If he isn't committed to that life then let him go. At the moment it seems he has his escape and can compromise but is choosing to instead make you miserable.

wetotter · 24/03/2022 08:22

I would expect my OH to be pro active in training

OP's fiancé is away a lot, so (lack of) training is down to her. Especially as he didn't really want one in the first place, so it's definitely her dog

PenStation · 24/03/2022 08:23

Oh dear, why did you get a puppy, they are often a nightmare until they are properly settled and trained. Can it live outdoors in a kennel?

Your partner already made a big compromise in agreeing to have a dog. Your side of the bargain was to ensure it caused minimal disruption. What else can you do to manage the behavior? Shitting indoors really isn’t ok.

Bananabutter · 24/03/2022 08:25

I’d pick the man. You may love having an uncontrollable, smelly, dirty animal running riot but most people wouldn’t and it’s unfair to make him live with that.

So either leave with the mutt and let him find someone who really loves him (because if this is a serious question, you obviously don’t) or get rid and work on your relationship.

Nobodycarestakeitelsewhere · 24/03/2022 08:28

I wouldn't accept that behaviour from my dog. You say he's trained so why's he shitting in cupboards? That's disgusting. And i love dogs.

EarringsandLipstick · 24/03/2022 08:29

@Mommabear20

Dog! Every time! Dogs can be little (or big) shits, but at least we know it's usually our fault (lack of training etc) but with men (or women) they're usually just being an arsehole because that's who they are. A dog you can train and it'll love you forever, a partner is pretty untrainable and their lives can be very conditional.
Seriously? 'Untrainable'? How do people write about other people in this way? 😲
Merrymouse · 24/03/2022 08:30

The dog will grow up and mature. Most do by 18m to 2years.

An untrained 18m to 2 year old is not going to be magically easier than a puppy. It may just have developed more difficult traits.