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Original poster

Not invited to MIL Mother's Day meal

243 replies

Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 19:31

Basically what the title says... I haven't been invited for a weekend away or meal for Mother's Day by in laws?

Back story: I didn't attend SIL wedding as I had a sickness bug. I apologised and I was truly gutted that I could not attend. But ever since then, I have not had any contact with them (we usually message etc) and now I'm not invited to Mother's Day? My OH has been.

I don't know how to feel about this or what to do. How would you feel and would you say anything to OH or SIL or MIL?

OP posts:
Missingpop · 24/03/2022 17:48

SIL still sulking with you; tell your OH to grow a pair & tell her you will be attending the meal; it was so upsetting for you to miss her wedding & you were devastated but didn’t pick that day to be ill so get over it & grow up.

Scarriff · 24/03/2022 17:56

I'm confused. If you don't live with him or are married, how is he your OH?! Why is his mother you mil?

Maybe you are the gf.? My suggestion is that you arrange to see your own mother aunt, godmother or a girlfriend who is also at a loose end. Maybe do the cooking, open a bottle, buy some flowers.

After this festival is all over, have a bit of a think.

roarfeckingroarr · 24/03/2022 17:59

Depends whether you have children or not to whether this is a problem

Melx42 · 24/03/2022 18:07

@Motnight

Op this relationship is dead. Just keep your dignity and lose your OH.
Agreed
Eve76 · 24/03/2022 18:21

I have been in this situation myself , my OH is a widower his kids didn’t like that he got a girlfriend (me) I got invited to nothing for years his kids obviously missed their mum I understood but after 6 years of not being invited to anything I stopped understanding and just felt shit . It’s demoralising please don’t be a fool like I was

Turningpurple · 24/03/2022 18:22

@Missingpop

SIL still sulking with you; tell your OH to grow a pair & tell her you will be attending the meal; it was so upsetting for you to miss her wedding & you were devastated but didn’t pick that day to be ill so get over it & grow up.
Its not just about the wedding though.

Op kind of oh kind of ex isn't going to tell anyone she and her 2 grown kids are attending something they haven't been invited to.

munner · 24/03/2022 18:33

You would be better off without this shower. Next Xmas tell them go stuff themselves.

Lennybenny · 24/03/2022 18:54

Your family is your children. You are a Mum so it's your mother's day...do what you'd like to. M&s meal, chocs bubbly and a bubble bath.

You have the chance to change your life now. Please take it and put yourself first. Seriously...he and his "family" are not your family. You do have a family, it's just not the picture perfect one you expected.
Big hugs!!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/03/2022 19:28

@Lennybenny

Your family is your children. You are a Mum so it's your mother's day...do what you'd like to. M&s meal, chocs bubbly and a bubble bath.

You have the chance to change your life now. Please take it and put yourself first. Seriously...he and his "family" are not your family. You do have a family, it's just not the picture perfect one you expected.
Big hugs!!

This. Spend the day with your lovely children doing something nice. Stuff them.

It takes minutes for either one of them to reply yes you are invited its at 8.00 pm or no you are not invited.
Never mind all this "I'm not sure, I'll ask" or "SIL's partner isn't coming, Sil's partner is coming" nonsense. There is no reason to delay replying. Would you really want to spend the day with them in this atmosphere. It would be so awkward.

Think about your own children. This is your mothers day with them, so go ahead and make a decision now that is what is happening and forget these schoolyard antics from the "in-laws"

You have your home, your children, your career and your friends to focus on.
Your newly married SIL will soon be wishing that her DB wasn't permanently camping out at her house and that they had somewhere nice to spend Xmas.

LaraDeSalle · 24/03/2022 19:28

After five years and he’s still living with his sister?

I don’t think he will be leaving to be with you any time soon.

By any time soon, I mean the next twenty years.

Basilthymerosemary · 24/03/2022 19:29

It’s not just about you missing the wedding. You previously said that you kicked him out and that’s why he’s living with his family. If any family member had been kicked out of a home by a partner then I would definitely not be inviting them to family events as my loyalty would be to my family member. It’s doesn’t matter that your seeing how things go now- for all the family members know- he hasn’t told them about getting back together with you; or he doesn’t want the aggro/questions at a family event. At the end of the day- you are a member of his family- especially as you’ve previously broke up.

LuluBlakey1 · 24/03/2022 19:37

She is not your MIL and his sister is not your SIL. You you are not married and don't even live with him. He doesn't seem like much of an OH.

EmoIsntDead · 24/03/2022 19:40

Gone one step further and asked his sister what time the meal is?!
Waiting for a reply from the both of them...

You're embarrassing yourself now.

1ittlegreen · 24/03/2022 20:01

@harriethoyle

They're not your in laws. You don't live with your boyfriend, to whom you are not yet married. Your boyfriend's sister is married to her husband and has kids with him. That's a huge difference. 🤷🏻‍♀️ it would be very odd imo for a girlfriend to be invited to someone else's mother's special lunch.
This is such a weird thing to say, it's not an odd situation at all. I don't know you but imagine you are quite smug and shop at Joules.
Kennykenkencat · 24/03/2022 20:03

[quote Mamas123]@Jellybean23 I understand what you have said 💯 it's my home and FIL have our own thoughts on changes to it (which I did find weird but went with it as they were paying for changes). I guess I'm very easily lead and shouldn't have allowed myself to have been. I'm not mentally strong and to laid back. [/quote]
Are you saying your fil pay for changes in your house?

August1980 · 24/03/2022 20:18

Are you not seeing your mum OP? Maybe they think you are seeing your mum?
The ladies aren’t wrong in pointing out, maybe they are keeping it a family affair this year?

Hope it all works out…

MyAnacondaMight · 24/03/2022 20:19

This has nothing to do with you missing your boyfriend’s sister’s wedding, and everything to do with the fact your relationship is dead.

It sounds a lot like you’re hanging on to this relationship as a way to have an extended family. It’s not worth it. I hope you move on and find happiness, whether by yourself or with someone else.

BeHappy91818 · 24/03/2022 20:29

Mil isn’t your mum?

Can’t see an issue here personally.

Sandinmyhooves · 24/03/2022 20:40

He moved out. That’s a massive backwards step. They’re clearly all waiting for the relationship to wrap up. Wrap it up, OP.

nitsandwormsdodger · 24/03/2022 20:47

I don’t think his family have played you or done anything wrong at all they are in an awkward position . If I was in their shoes I’d not invite you either, not being mean but simply because you ducked out of the wedding, you have sort of admitted the “bug”” was not the full story (no judgement) and you have kicked him out so it’s simpler just to not invite you and avoid discussion on social media

Your boyfriend doesn’t want you there either and has made no effort so that tells you everything you need to know

Personally I would send a nice message on the whatapp or face to face saying a calm and dignified goodbye wish them all the best , I’d even go with a cheap bunch of flowers just to end it nicely with the family then walk away head High and don’t put up with his shot ever again

nitsandwormsdodger · 24/03/2022 20:48

*shit

Bootothegoose · 24/03/2022 20:49

Have you not asked OH 'where's my invite?'

It sounds like you don't live together yet? I would consider ending this... it's clear you're being excluded and he's either thick as mud and hasn't noticed (unlikely) or agrees to their reasoning/doesn't care. Either way, you deserve better.

saraclara · 24/03/2022 20:52

If any family member had been kicked out of a home by a partner then I would definitely not be inviting them to family events as my loyalty would be to my family member.

Exactly. And if I'd kicked my 'OH' out, I wouldn't be expecting to get gold edged invitations to any family event.

XingMing · 24/03/2022 21:02

If it was me in this situation, I think I'd pitch up regardless. made up, booted and suited. Ready to be everyone's best chum.

XingMing · 24/03/2022 21:03

Whoops ! Havent RTFT.