Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not invited to MIL Mother's Day meal

243 replies

Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 19:31

Basically what the title says... I haven't been invited for a weekend away or meal for Mother's Day by in laws?

Back story: I didn't attend SIL wedding as I had a sickness bug. I apologised and I was truly gutted that I could not attend. But ever since then, I have not had any contact with them (we usually message etc) and now I'm not invited to Mother's Day? My OH has been.

I don't know how to feel about this or what to do. How would you feel and would you say anything to OH or SIL or MIL?

OP posts:
WilsonMilson · 23/03/2022 08:16

The drip feed changes everything. She’s not your MiL, and his sister isn’t your SiL. Your OH is an on / off boyfriend who you don’t even live with and are having major problems with.

His family have clearly taken his side and therefore I’m not in the least surprised you’re not invited and you’re being unreasonable to think you should be. Frankly, given the rest of the revelations, surely this issue is the least of your worries?!

Original poster
Mamas123 · 23/03/2022 08:21

@WilsonMilson

The drip feed changes everything. She’s not your MiL, and his sister isn’t your SiL. Your OH is an on / off boyfriend who you don’t even live with and are having major problems with.

His family have clearly taken his side and therefore I’m not in the least surprised you’re not invited and you’re being unreasonable to think you should be. Frankly, given the rest of the revelations, surely this issue is the least of your worries?!

Yes it should be the least of my worries. But it just adds as another worry to the ever growing issues. We are taking things slowly and building up trust for one another (something in laws told us to do anyway) so was a blow that I wasn't invited as in laws trying to get us back together but felt this would've made a step back rather than forward if that makes sense
OP posts:
Sushi7 · 23/03/2022 08:21

I bet they haven’t invited you because your relationship is hot and cold with your OH, their child and brother. Not because you couldn’t attend sil wedding. They probably think you’re not in a committed relationship (and they’re right).

Original poster
Mamas123 · 23/03/2022 08:22

[quote RantyAunty]I see you as someone who has raised 2 children, has their own home and career. You have a dream you want to accomplish.

I see you as having all this love to give and wanting love back.

Maybe this love isn't meant to come from someone incapable of giving it? a flaky dirty lazy guy like your ex.
Have you made a list of all the bad traits, bad things he's said or done to you? It's a good way to see things as they really are.

You are a family with your children! By becoming a teacher, you'll be able to give to those who truly need and deserve it. You have a chance to impact their lives so when their old and someone asks if they had a favourite teacher, they are going to say your name.

Imagine that for a moment.

I found this a couple weeks ago and it's comforting.
Hope you enjoy it.

[/quote] Thank you so much for this xxx
OP posts:
Winter2020 · 23/03/2022 08:25

Hi OP,
I just wanted to ask the question if you (not your partner) actually want another baby. Not a symbol of "we're in love so we want a baby" but even though I know our relationship is unstable and I might be raising this baby alone I still really want it. After raising your children to be teenagers/adult and having ambitions of a full on career as a teacher are you really happy to go back to the beginning? - if you are a lone parent (partner walks or even dies)? If your child has additional needs? If you died do you trust your partner to raise your child?

If you get back together don't agree to have a baby with this man unless you are also happy to have a baby alone. When your older children have moved on and you are looking at 10 hour days of childcare/looking after baby then more marking - or giving up your career, you might regret it.

Turningpurple · 23/03/2022 08:28

We are taking things slowly and building up trust for one another (something in laws told us to do anyway) so was a blow that I wasn't invited as in laws trying to get us back together but felt this would've made a step back rather than forward if that makes sense

This makes no sense. You said they backed off after you missed the wedding. A month ago. Which is around the same time you must have kicked him out.

So how have they backed off and tried to get you back together at the same time?

KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa · 23/03/2022 08:36

Your boyfriend's (who you don't live with) sister hasn't invited you to their mother's day meal as your relationship has been rocky. I don't understand why you refer to him as your other half and his family as your in laws, you are merely a gf, granted you got engaged but if you've kicked him out it hardly sounds like you are set to last. I'd probably exclude you too, if it isn't clear if you are together or not. Your original post makes it sound like you are married and have a life together, that's very different to being someone's gf who probably isn't going to be on the scene much longer. They probably thought you not going to the wedding was an excuse because you were about to break up, I'd assume as much too.

BoldMove · 23/03/2022 08:55

Your sil is the catalyst here. Had one the same. Caused all sort of shit. Was manipulative and possessive of her brother. Quite unnatural. Weird relationship. Your OK sounds a bit of a weed. Do yourself a favour and find yourself a real nan.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 23/03/2022 08:55

They are complete cheeky fuckers for inviting themselves to yours for Christmas, Easter etc for 5 years

This. You’re good enough for them when it suits aren’t you? Honestly OP, you can do so much better than be sponged off by these parasites. They even want you to take their son off their hands, why’s that? Because no one else would have him.

It actually makes me feel a bit sick about how they all treat you, and you’re too kind hearted and generous - they really are disgusting individuals.

Onwards and upwards, your future is massively more inviting without them!
🤗💐

BoldMove · 23/03/2022 08:55

Or a man even! Grin

2Rebecca · 23/03/2022 09:01

I missed the post where the OP said she and this bloke had a baby. Someone mentioned up thread she was a mother but I didn't see the OP saying that and if she is mother of a young child I'm surprised the OP isn't wanting the father of that child to be focussing on her as a mother. It's all got confusing. The OP mentioned adult children in her last post but not that her boyfriend is their father

EthelTheAardvark · 23/03/2022 09:04

@2Rebecca

I missed the post where the OP said she and this bloke had a baby. Someone mentioned up thread she was a mother but I didn't see the OP saying that and if she is mother of a young child I'm surprised the OP isn't wanting the father of that child to be focussing on her as a mother. It's all got confusing. The OP mentioned adult children in her last post but not that her boyfriend is their father
OP doesn't have a baby.
EatYourVegetables · 23/03/2022 09:20

I’ve read your other posts.

Leave.

This man is useless, you feel lonely in the relationship, he doesn’t help around the house or initiate sex / date nights, you kicked him out of the house recently.

You’d be better off focusing on your DC and yourself and your career than this waste of space.

And FFS don’t have a baby with him.

2Rebecca · 23/03/2022 09:21

A poster asked if the OP and her boyfriend really want "another baby" implying that they already had at least 1

Etm1986 · 23/03/2022 09:29

You have a child of your own spend Mother’s Day doing something lovely with them. Honestly don’t bother about people like that bring the subject up with him and then what ever the answer is he will need to explain. If it is no then you know where you stand. Im always left out of family events with the in-laws my partner works a lot so when he dosnt go I’m not thought of. I just have fun with our kids on my own Smile

Etm1986 · 23/03/2022 09:31

Sorry I’ve just realised you may not have a child ! If that’s the case I’m sorry to presume from other posts you did

Beefcurtains79 · 23/03/2022 10:10

I can’t believe you asked the sister what time the meal is when you know you aren’t invited? They are going to think you are a complete psychopath! Why are you so fixated on this family? You have your own children, are they not upset you are so utterly desperate to spend Mother’s Day with another, completely unrelated woman?
Also stop calling them your in-laws! They aren’t and they never have been.
I can’t believe you are old enough to have an adult child, I was assuming you were late teens/early 20’s.

eldora · 23/03/2022 10:16

@Beefcurtains79

I can’t believe you asked the sister what time the meal is when you know you aren’t invited? They are going to think you are a complete psychopath! Why are you so fixated on this family? You have your own children, are they not upset you are so utterly desperate to spend Mother’s Day with another, completely unrelated woman? Also stop calling them your in-laws! They aren’t and they never have been. I can’t believe you are old enough to have an adult child, I was assuming you were late teens/early 20’s.
Maybe because they invited themselves for Christmas and Easter at OP’s for 5 years?

I can see why OP wants to see them squirm.

Beefcurtains79 · 23/03/2022 10:24

She’s not going to see them squirm though? They are just going to talk about how right they were not to invite her now she’s trying to crazily gatecrash, - and will probably ultimately blank her message.
She will just ultimately feel embarrassed, and probably worse than she currently does.
Walk away OP, you are way better than this.

EthelTheAardvark · 23/03/2022 10:32

Gone one step further and asked his sister what time the meal is?!

Has either of them replied?

thisplaceisweird · 23/03/2022 10:44

With every update it became abundantly clear that this relationship is going nowhere and it seems as though everyone can see it but you!

Cancel the wedding and now there's no plan to get married at all...
You kicked him out so he lives with his sister...
You said no to Christmas at their house...
Was too ill to attend the wedding (they probably thought this was a made up excuse)

Come on OP, make the final cut and move on

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/03/2022 10:55

Maybe because they invited themselves for Christmas and Easter at OP’s for 5 years?

I can see why OP wants to see them squirm.

If the OP and her boyfriend were a happy couple living together, then she could reasonably be expected to be invited to an extended family celebration, and want them to squirm at having left her out having previously enjoyed her hospitality.

But they very recently broke up and she kicked him out to go and live with his sister. They might be “trying again slowly” but with no ties like marriage or shared children, that doesn’t necessarily represent any kind of meaningful commitment. In those circumstances, I don’t think she can really be surprised that his family are treating her differently to previous years and not as a family member.

This is a crap relationship. The OP knows it, she’s posted about it enough times; her boyfriend knows it; his family no doubt now know it, too.

Ourlady · 23/03/2022 11:21

What I get from this is you are an intelligent, competent, kind, mature lady but you take advice and relationship intrusion from his family.
Why would you do this? You’re not a young girl with no life experience.
You are a grown woman with a job, bills, children. Someone who is able to navigated life in a very independent way yet you take on board and act on his families advice. You do not need them to instruct you in your relationship.
I think you have lost sense of your true self, he has done this to you (his family too)
Forget about the meal, get rid and learn to love yourself for what you are. You deserve much much better.

user1471457751 · 23/03/2022 11:52

@BoldMove projecting much? This really is not the fault of the SIL (who is not actually a SIL). The OP kicked her boyfriend out only a month ago, it's hardly surprising his family don't want to spend time with her

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 23/03/2022 12:39

Time to spend Xmas with your own family op.
They have shown you your worth for sure...