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Original poster

Not invited to MIL Mother's Day meal

243 replies

Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 19:31

Basically what the title says... I haven't been invited for a weekend away or meal for Mother's Day by in laws?

Back story: I didn't attend SIL wedding as I had a sickness bug. I apologised and I was truly gutted that I could not attend. But ever since then, I have not had any contact with them (we usually message etc) and now I'm not invited to Mother's Day? My OH has been.

I don't know how to feel about this or what to do. How would you feel and would you say anything to OH or SIL or MIL?

OP posts:

Turningpurple · 24/03/2022 21:09

@Bootothegoose

Have you not asked OH 'where's my invite?'

It sounds like you don't live together yet? I would consider ending this... it's clear you're being excluded and he's either thick as mud and hasn't noticed (unlikely) or agrees to their reasoning/doesn't care. Either way, you deserve better.

They did live together. Op kicked him out.

Dragonella · 24/03/2022 21:19

Drop OH if he choices to side with his sister and mother.. My DD has same problem but puts up with it 🤷‍♂️

LBFseBrom · 24/03/2022 21:23

If you don't live together, used to but you kicked him out - why do you expect to be included in family gatherings? I don't get it. She is not your mother in law.

MammaMacgill87 · 24/03/2022 22:29

They are thinking the same thing as everyone else here, that it's an unstable unloving relationship that isn't going anywhere. He's obviously got other priorities, you've moaned about him online. Let it go, it's not working and it really never will. All sounds very harsh but it's basically what everyone else is saying anyway. If my son had been kicked out by his girlfriend was living with his sister and there obvious issues there I wouldn't be inviting her to my families celebration of mother's day, it would be awkward and very weird. Cut your losses luv

Integrity7 · 24/03/2022 23:27

Agree with last post. re losing the H

Cultvult · 25/03/2022 07:24

Talk to OH, or it will fester.

LBFseBrom · 25/03/2022 07:55

Mamas 123, this is part of such an honest, encouraging and positive post which you sent in reply to @lborgia:

" I just have this NEED for a family that I do not have of my own (I do not have a mum or dad) but I have my children. And I have me. And I know what I want for my future and for my childrens... I just wanted someone with me. But I can get by without someone with me. I have friends and I have work friends (a lot of them have told me to move on my career... to become a teacher as I desperately want to be) I've just held it back as I thought I may be a mum again but maybe I shouldn't think this with my OH right now. And just go with what my future wants from me. Be the teacher that I want and know I can be. I have two children that are grown now so this is my time to make my career go further. Instead of having another baby (although t would like another) to a waste of space of a man!"
............
I'm sorry you have felt so sad but you are now accepting things as they really are which is a great stride forward.

The family pushing you together so forcibly, to the point of wanting you to have a child almost immediately, is very strange indeed. You obviously have a lot to offer their manchild: you've been gentle and obliging, are set up home-wise - an eligible woman.

You're well out of this weird family and as others have said, to which you agreed, you already have a family of your own, Mamas. That is beyond precious.

Leave it be now and thank your lucky stars that you didn't have another child. You're free to pursue your career which will increase your confidence and bring you into contact with more (non-weird), people; most likely you will eventually meet a decent man who won't take advantage of your compliant nature.

It almost makes my blood boil to think of those people making plans to alter your house! Even if they did offer to pay for it, it smacks of manipulation.

I wonder what they will do now - move on to another victim?

Enjoy your life and freedom, Mama, you've earned it. The only way from now on is up.

in advance of Mothering Sunday. x

diddl · 25/03/2022 13:28

Op you have your children to spend Mother's Day with-why do you give a fuck that you aren't invited to the Mother's Day meal of someone's son who you have just kicked out?

Dragonsmother · 25/03/2022 19:25

OP, you mention that you have children?
Maybe it’s your turn to have a Mother’s Day meal for you with your children?

He can sod off! It’s you and your kids that come first.

Remember that Boyfriends family are that- HIS family. The cancelled wedding is a blessing in disguise- you dodged a bullet not marrying him.

Walk, no don’t walk…ran as fast as you can and don’t look back. He is not your soul mate.

Chalk this up, move on and live your best life

Bleachmycloths · 25/03/2022 21:29

@Sammysees

Why is your OH attending if you haven’t been invited?

Exactly. Not very loyal, is he?

Bleachmycloths · 25/03/2022 21:34

I’ve read all OP’s posts. There are a lot! Sounds a bloody weird set up. Get rid of him. I would imagine you deserve better. Sometimes we get used to crap so that we think it’s normal. Get out of it and you’ll realise how bonkers it all was.

Kennykenkencat · 25/03/2022 22:01

If you have children why are you not celebrating Mother’s Day with them
Even if you were invited why would you be going to someone else’s celebration. This is your day to spend with your children

Kate0902900908 · 26/03/2022 07:12

It sounds to me like your OH has met someone else. If you have been close and invited before and called sister in law and spent Christmas together at your house they clearly like you, however if your OH has met someone else this is possibly how they would be acting as how would they invite you/ include you if they know he is seeing someone else. He could have told them it’s not on with you anymore and he’s moving on, that could be a possible explanation. Or is there even a meal at all?

My advice, don’t ask him to do anything direct message sister in law. Ask if you can come to meal, ask if there is anything little you could get mother in law that she knows mother would like ect? Make sure she gets a sense of you still are together and see what she says.

Mollymoostoo · 26/03/2022 07:55

I'm going to make a suggestion, go to a nursing home and ask if they need volunteers to sit with any residents whose families do not visit. You are looking fir parents not a partner and there are other ways of finding this.
Walking groups, befriending services, volunteer roles where you can 'adopt' a parent.
I met an adoptive mum through my church and we had similar backgrounds. She has her own family but has been a lovely person and let me and my family into her heart.
I am estranged from my own toxic parents and my DH's family have never been particularly warm to me. They still have contact with his ex from 12 years ago (they have a child) but we have had to accept that won't ever change.
This man is not what you need and they will always take his side, find what you want from someone willing to give it you. Xx

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/03/2022 09:52

You told him to move out, you've all but broken up with him, this isn't comparable to the early days when you found an instant family with them. It's not reasonable to expect them to invite you when you share no ties and your relationship with their son/brother has broken down yet again. I get the sadness, I've felt it with ILs, but ultimately they are his family, they will take his side and your actions are saying that you're over. You can't tell your OH to leave and then expect his family to still consider you part of their family. You need to end this, not cling to it while it drags you down. .

Kennykenkencat · 26/03/2022 13:10

@Mollymoostoo

I'm going to make a suggestion, go to a nursing home and ask if they need volunteers to sit with any residents whose families do not visit. You are looking fir parents not a partner and there are other ways of finding this. Walking groups, befriending services, volunteer roles where you can 'adopt' a parent. I met an adoptive mum through my church and we had similar backgrounds. She has her own family but has been a lovely person and let me and my family into her heart. I am estranged from my own toxic parents and my DH's family have never been particularly warm to me. They still have contact with his ex from 12 years ago (they have a child) but we have had to accept that won't ever change. This man is not what you need and they will always take his side, find what you want from someone willing to give it you. Xx

The thing is Mama123 does have children

I think there is something a little off that it took 37 posts before they were mentioned.

I just have this NEED for a family that I do not have of my own (I do not have a mum or dad) but I have my children

Then you do have a family of your own.

Do your children know that you don’t considered them as your family and have for the past 5 years chased after your ex’s family to fill this need.

I think you do need to take a step back and stop wanting what you no longer have but cherish the people who are here and present in your life instead of dismissing them and chasing after what is not yours because one day the people you have ignored or put 2nd won’t be there for you and then you will truly have no one

Yehbut · 27/03/2022 09:21

So you don’t live with him? What’s the difference between an OH and a DH? And why would you want to spend Mother’s Day with his mother?

LBFseBrom · 28/03/2022 08:34

I haven't looked at this thread in a couple of days but last time I did, the op had accepted it and was prepared to move on.

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