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Original poster

Not invited to MIL Mother's Day meal

243 replies

Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 19:31

Basically what the title says... I haven't been invited for a weekend away or meal for Mother's Day by in laws?

Back story: I didn't attend SIL wedding as I had a sickness bug. I apologised and I was truly gutted that I could not attend. But ever since then, I have not had any contact with them (we usually message etc) and now I'm not invited to Mother's Day? My OH has been.

I don't know how to feel about this or what to do. How would you feel and would you say anything to OH or SIL or MIL?

OP posts:
Unsureaboutit9 · 22/03/2022 21:09

They probably pushed for that at the start of the relationship because you are nice, but your relationship from what you’ve said is a total disaster and now basically not even a relationship so they presumably don’t feel the same anymore, they probably realise you are too good for your waste of space OH as well. It doesn’t mean they think badly of you necessarily, but you arnt their family so I guess they’re bound to distance naturally.

And you might not have a mother to spend Mother’s Day with but you are a mother yourself so hopefully you can atleast enjoy it with your children.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 22/03/2022 21:14

I genuinely think their silence towards you is telling you everything you need to know.Following your updates I bet they dont even know you are still togetherish, He isnt being straight with you.

Geppili · 22/03/2022 21:22

P

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 21:29

@Unsureaboutit9

They probably pushed for that at the start of the relationship because you are nice, but your relationship from what you’ve said is a total disaster and now basically not even a relationship so they presumably don’t feel the same anymore, they probably realise you are too good for your waste of space OH as well. It doesn’t mean they think badly of you necessarily, but you arnt their family so I guess they’re bound to distance naturally.

And you might not have a mother to spend Mother’s Day with but you are a mother yourself so hopefully you can atleast enjoy it with your children.

Thank you! This is the nicest thing that's been said to me in a long time. And I honestly think this is what it is xx
OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 21:32

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

I genuinely think their silence towards you is telling you everything you need to know.Following your updates I bet they dont even know you are still togetherish, He isnt being straight with you.
I think their silence and lack of invite is telling me what I think. I've "left" the family chat. Left it with my boyfriend (as others on here are saying not OH) - I'm new to this so thought OH was appropriate (apparently not!) to ask if I'm invited or not.
OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 21:47

@Geppili

P
What does P mean?
OP posts:
betwixtlives · 22/03/2022 21:47

You say you’ve been ‘played’ by his family. How?

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 21:53

@betwixtlives

You say you’ve been ‘played’ by his family. How?
They wanted me to marry and wanted me to have a child from day dot. I wasn't wanting all that until the last 3years when I thought maybe... then I saw true colours
OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/03/2022 21:58

The wedding was a month ago and you stopped living together around the same time. I expect it’s the second one which means they no longer consider you a serious couple or you a part of their family.

They’ve stopped replying to your messages, the lack of an invitation to this event isn’t a surprise.

I feel for you, you seem lost. But you know it’s a bad relationship. You’ve repeatedly broken up and his family have pushed you back together? You seem so passive!

betwixtlives · 22/03/2022 22:00

How is that them playing you?

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 22:06

@AnneLovesGilbert

The wedding was a month ago and you stopped living together around the same time. I expect it’s the second one which means they no longer consider you a serious couple or you a part of their family.

They’ve stopped replying to your messages, the lack of an invitation to this event isn’t a surprise.

I feel for you, you seem lost. But you know it’s a bad relationship. You’ve repeatedly broken up and his family have pushed you back together? You seem so passive!

You e said exactly what I've been thinking. When you say passive I think I know what you mean? I'm passive because I think I know what's going on. I just have so smuch self doubt that I don't know if I do know (if that makes sense) I actually don't think im well in myself to make such drastic decisions. But I think it is the end for it all. Especially now that the family don't bother with me. I just needed that push from someone else. He wants us. Im not sure. His family not inviting me... makes me realise that it's the end. (Im dreadfully with ends). Need that push.
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/03/2022 22:09

@ComtesseDeSpair

Does SIL have a partner and are they invited? If not then I’d assume it’s a meal for MIL with her children.
She mentions to sister-in-law's wedding in the opening post!
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 22:11

@HollowTalk thank you!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/03/2022 22:12

I think you’ll feel a lot better if you make some active choices. Leaving the chat was sensible. Telling him you don’t want to be with him anymore would free you from this emotionally draining mess he’s got you in.

What do you think “he wants us” means? You told him to leave because you didn’t feel wanted, appreciated, cherished, loved. What about you does he want? What are you willing to give him?

He’s done a real number on you, as have his family. Honestly life and relationships don’t have to be this complicated and painful. You deserve someone who brings you happiness, excitement and peace.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 22:14

@betwixtlives

How is that them playing you?
Well they've always invited themselves to mine for Xmas, fireworks, Easter etc... I've always been invited to family gatherings including Mother's Day. But this year after I've had enough of my OH issues and I don't go to the wedding as I was such THIS YEAR. Now I'm not not invited to a Mother's Day weekend away?
OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 22/03/2022 22:17

Maybe they assume your relationship with their ds/db is done and dusted. Do you really know what he has told them about your relationship?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 22/03/2022 22:17

Or maybe she just doesn't want drama on the trip?

2Rebecca · 22/03/2022 22:19

It seems odd to describe people as your inlaws if you aren't even living with your boyfriend. They are your boyfriend's family. You sound overly keen to be with them rather than your own family.
Your boyfriend is obviously not prioritising you and you are trying to make the relationship with him and his family be more than it is.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 22:23

@AnneLovesGilbert

I think you’ll feel a lot better if you make some active choices. Leaving the chat was sensible. Telling him you don’t want to be with him anymore would free you from this emotionally draining mess he’s got you in.

What do you think “he wants us” means? You told him to leave because you didn’t feel wanted, appreciated, cherished, loved. What about you does he want? What are you willing to give him?

He’s done a real number on you, as have his family. Honestly life and relationships don’t have to be this complicated and painful. You deserve someone who brings you happiness, excitement and peace.

@AnneLovesGilbert thank you!
OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 22:25

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Or maybe she just doesn't want drama on the trip?
The thing is... there's been drama on the trio before... we've been in a situation before and they've been invited with us on an outing! He had a very close relationship with his sister and whenever we go on holiday his sister is invited
OP posts:
ZenNudist · 22/03/2022 22:26

I'm sorry I sympathise but are you actually a mum? Do you have children that aren't his? If you had joint children I could see you being upset that he's binned off celebrating mothers day to go out with his mum. Otherwise he's fine to see his mum. It sounds like you aren't invited because no-one wants you there. Sorry!

OH is other half and he's not is he?. He's you on off boyfriend. Don't get angry at his mum and sister. At the end of the day their loyalty is to their son not his ex.

I suggest you sort out your relationship issues if you want to then resume "family" meals but they aren't your family until you marry.

Personally I think you should trust your gut and stay broken up. Break ups are hard, I'm sorry. But better days are coming. You will find someone nicer.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 22:26

@2Rebecca

It seems odd to describe people as your inlaws if you aren't even living with your boyfriend. They are your boyfriend's family. You sound overly keen to be with them rather than your own family. Your boyfriend is obviously not prioritising you and you are trying to make the relationship with him and his family be more than it is.
We've been together 5 years and we was meant to get married last year and try for a baby??? I don't have a family of my own.
OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 22:28

@ZenNudist

I'm sorry I sympathise but are you actually a mum? Do you have children that aren't his? If you had joint children I could see you being upset that he's binned off celebrating mothers day to go out with his mum. Otherwise he's fine to see his mum. It sounds like you aren't invited because no-one wants you there. Sorry!

OH is other half and he's not is he?. He's you on off boyfriend. Don't get angry at his mum and sister. At the end of the day their loyalty is to their son not his ex.

I suggest you sort out your relationship issues if you want to then resume "family" meals but they aren't your family until you marry.

Personally I think you should trust your gut and stay broken up. Break ups are hard, I'm sorry. But better days are coming. You will find someone nicer.

Thing is with that is that they keep contact with his ex from 12 years ago?
OP posts:
DaffTheDoggo · 22/03/2022 22:31

OP, it feels as if you’re slightly in denial about what ending your relationship means. It will almost certainly mean the end of your relationship with his family. They may keep in touch with his ex but that’s unusual.

SarahDippity · 22/03/2022 22:33

It sounds like he is phasing you out, and his family are pulling back (maybe he has told them the relationship is going backwards?). Your issue is with him, not his family: it’s him you are marrying (or not) so think hard about how his casual attitude makes you feel Flowers

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