Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not invited to MIL Mother's Day meal

243 replies

Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 19:31

Basically what the title says... I haven't been invited for a weekend away or meal for Mother's Day by in laws?

Back story: I didn't attend SIL wedding as I had a sickness bug. I apologised and I was truly gutted that I could not attend. But ever since then, I have not had any contact with them (we usually message etc) and now I'm not invited to Mother's Day? My OH has been.

I don't know how to feel about this or what to do. How would you feel and would you say anything to OH or SIL or MIL?

OP posts:
Gilly12345 · 22/03/2022 20:23

Just read previous posts, he is your boyfriend, you don’t live together, so yes I can why you have not been invited as you should be with your own parents/mother. That is your priority.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 20:24

@AnneLovesGilbert

Nope, actually I do remember you and a month ago you kicked him out and told him to get his own place. And you’re still planning to marry him?
No plans on marrying yet. Taking things slow again.. but now with this not being invited to the Mother's Day weekend away (when I've always been invited before and they've all been to my home for Xmas etc from the start of our relationship 5 years ago) I don't know what his family are thinking of the relationship?
OP posts:
beck01 · 22/03/2022 20:26

Someone you was going to marry last year still lives with his sister? Sorry but i find that weird.

He shouldn't be asking SIL if you're invited now. Should have been the first thing he said. I suspect he knows you're not invited already

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 20:27

@Gilly12345

OH should be including you and if not he is accepting you as not part of his family.

Time for a serious conversation.

I think so too.
OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 20:29

@beck01

Someone you was going to marry last year still lives with his sister? Sorry but i find that weird.

He shouldn't be asking SIL if you're invited now. Should have been the first thing he said. I suspect he knows you're not invited already

We've had issues in our relationship so decided we needed space to figure out things that needed to change in the relationship or to just end
OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 22/03/2022 20:29

You last post changes things. If this is an on-off relationship and you’ve recently broken up and he’s moved out then I suspect that’s far closer to the reason your in-laws aren’t considering you relevant to a family outing than you not having attended a wedding due to being ill. They’ve stopped thinking of you as a family member now they know it’s likely you won’t be around for much longer anyway and don’t have the best relationship with their son/brother.

Unsureaboutit9 · 22/03/2022 20:30

I have to say my opinion has changed now I’ve read your other threads, although you are missing the point feeling sad worrying about his family, the guy is a total waste of space and makes you feel bored and lonely. What sort of a life are you and your children
Going to have with this man?

ImInStealthMode · 22/03/2022 20:31

If you've kicked asked him to move out, do they even realise you're still together? Are you even still seriously together? Is that why you're not invited? Seems more likely than ghosting you for not going to a wedding.

I suppose it depends what your OH is saying to them about the fact you no longer live together.

WonderfulYou · 22/03/2022 20:34

If you don’t live together then I understand why you’ve not been invited.
It sounds like it’s a small family meal.

greenlynx · 22/03/2022 20:37

Well, your In-laws gave you what you’ve asked for - space.
Maybe they’ve booked the weekend away when you were separated and didn’t hope you would get back together. Or maybe they’ve decided to take things slowly as well.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 20:40

@ImInStealthMode

If you've kicked asked him to move out, do they even realise you're still together? Are you even still seriously together? Is that why you're not invited? Seems more likely than ghosting you for not going to a wedding.

I suppose it depends what your OH is saying to them about the fact you no longer live together.

This is possibly true... I don't know what he's said to hos family. They would usually message me etc when we've had issues but I haven't had anything. We have a family messaging group that we all talk on and nothing on there has been mentioned about Mother's Day but usually things like meals etc would be mentioned on there. I've posted on there but I don't get any messages back. So I assumed that they have issues with me since not going to the wedding. Me and OH go on dates and I would assume he would've told them as they always push him and I together? I just don't know if they have an issue with me at the moment and that's why I'm not invited... but maybe OH has said something. I just do not know and it's getting to me. I'm distracted with work etc but it's the nights on my own that it all gets to me as I can't occupy my mind on anything else
OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 22/03/2022 20:45

You have issues in your on-again off-again relationship, you kicked him out a month ago and wonder why your possibly future in-laws are not responding to your messages on WhatsApp or inviting you to a family meal? I mean, are you sure they even know what the situation is with the two of you? Do YOU know?

When did your SIL get married by the way?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/03/2022 20:47

I guess see what your OH says but if he is happy to let them exclude you after you usually being invited, and ignore you, then its probably the end of the road.

rogueone · 22/03/2022 20:47

I am a bit confused - dont you see your own mum on mothers day? I didnt see any posts to suggest she wasnt around

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 20:48

@unfortunateevents

You have issues in your on-again off-again relationship, you kicked him out a month ago and wonder why your possibly future in-laws are not responding to your messages on WhatsApp or inviting you to a family meal? I mean, are you sure they even know what the situation is with the two of you? Do YOU know?

When did your SIL get married by the way?

Well they usually message me whenever we've had issues before... they're usually the ones that get me back with him tbh! Married a month ago
OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 20:49

@rogueone

I am a bit confused - dont you see your own mum on mothers day? I didnt see any posts to suggest she wasnt around
No my mum isn't around
OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 22/03/2022 20:50

So I assumed that they have issues with me since not going to the wedding

I would assume he would've told them

Assumption makes an ass of you and me!!

I can’t imagine the wedding has much to do with it. It sounds more like they know you’ve chucked him out and think you probably won’t get back together. She’s not your mother in law, she isn’t your sister in law and he isn’t even living with you.

That is an ‘assumption’ though and I clearly don’t know any more than you. You need to ask. Or more sensibly, just walk away.

DaffTheDoggo · 22/03/2022 20:50

In the circumstances it’s not surprising you haven’t been invited.

Soontobe60 · 22/03/2022 20:52

Op, he’s your boyfriend not your OH. His mother is your boyfriends mother, not your MIL, his sister is your boyfriends sister, not your SIL.
He’s meeting up with his family and as his girlfriend you’re not invited. Are you not seeing your own mum on that day?

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 20:53

@Shinyandnew1

So I assumed that they have issues with me since not going to the wedding

I would assume he would've told them

Assumption makes an ass of you and me!!

I can’t imagine the wedding has much to do with it. It sounds more like they know you’ve chucked him out and think you probably won’t get back together. She’s not your mother in law, she isn’t your sister in law and he isn’t even living with you.

That is an ‘assumption’ though and I clearly don’t know any more than you. You need to ask. Or more sensibly, just walk away.

I guess I shouldn't call them SIL and MIL. but it's hard as they've always called me that and I'm called "aunty" by their child. They Wanted me to have a child with my OH and get married etc from the start of our relationship
OP posts:
NotaCoolMum · 22/03/2022 20:59

Maybe they’re tired of messaging you and “pushing you both back together”?

This relationship sounds dead in the water op.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/03/2022 20:59

They Wanted me to have a child with my OH and get married etc from the start of our relationship

Well, I’m sure you can see that is an unusual and rather unhealthy dynamic.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 21:01

@Soontobe60

Op, he’s your boyfriend not your OH. His mother is your boyfriends mother, not your MIL, his sister is your boyfriends sister, not your SIL. He’s meeting up with his family and as his girlfriend you’re not invited. Are you not seeing your own mum on that day?
I guess you're right. Not my SIL or MIL but they've always called themselves that.. I guess I've just been played by all. I'm a sucker when it comes to families. Always being there to baby sit and have family gatherings etc. no I don't have a mum to spend Mother's Day with
OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 22/03/2022 21:03

@Shinyandnew1

They Wanted me to have a child with my OH and get married etc from the start of our relationship

Well, I’m sure you can see that is an unusual and rather unhealthy dynamic.

I guess that's true. I just thought of it as a sweet gesture but reflecting I guess they pushed me into it. They said once "I'm too good and nice for him but we like it and just what he needs"
OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 22/03/2022 21:08

It sounds like it’s time to take a step back from this relationship.

Your partners family shouldn’t be pushing you to get back together or have a baby.

And you shouldn’t have to spend time trying to guess whether you’re invited to something or not.

This is way too much drama for a relationship that doesn’t work.