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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband walked out tonight

687 replies

Username2101 · 21/03/2022 23:23

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 02/11/2022 19:04

How are you @Username2101?

Username2101 · 06/11/2022 13:28

Hey all, thank you so much for thinking of me. We are now 9 months on from the day he walked out.
So much has happened since then, I eventually found out the whole truth. Basically he was with her from before he left and never stopped despite what he told me. They were going to move in together etc.

Until he found out that every time he had the children she was cheating on him 😂

He was lying to everyone, including his friends. They all cut him off.

I include myself in this.

He still sees the children on a regular basis, but his life has gone downhill rather spectacularly.

I myself am doing ok, I have good days and bad, but the good are now outweighing them. I can push for the divorce on the 6th December so I’m quite looking forward to that.

Its been a pretty shitty year not gonna lie but onwards and forwards.

OP posts:
oldstudentmum · 06/11/2022 13:36

Good to hear that your doing well. It will keep getting better stay strong you got this.

JaneAustensHeroine · 06/11/2022 13:49

Congratulations @Username2101 You’ve come so far and have no doubt qualified and registered as a social worker now. You have a professional qualification and a career. No one can take that away from you. Your future is bright. Look after yourself and know that you can hold your head high. His shit is his shit, not yours.

Flowers for you xx

Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 06/11/2022 14:08

@Username2101 Karma worked quickly there on your ex, good stuff. Your good days will continue to outweigh the bad, and soon you will be living the life you deserve. Keep on keeping on, only thing for it 💐

FictionalCharacter · 06/11/2022 14:37

JauntyJinty · 22/03/2022 09:24

I know it's too late for oldest DD, but for the younger 2 - fo rnow just say he's satying with a friend and make him explain what's going on to them. He's the one that's casued it so he should be the one to deal with it.

I agree. Please don’t tell them lies, that would just upset them more when they find out the truth: Dad stormed out in a tantrum and Mum then lied.

pointythings · 06/11/2022 15:27

What a fabulous update - you're only going to go from strength to strength from here on in.

billy1966 · 06/11/2022 15:34

Fantastic update OP.

What a woman.

Wishing you and your girls the very best.

comfortablyfrumpy · 06/11/2022 17:52

Great update, OP.
You are so strong.
Karma is wonderful sometimes isn't it 😀

All the best to you and your kids x

ImAvingOops · 06/11/2022 18:01

Glad to hear you are doing okay

ArabellaScott · 06/11/2022 18:15

Sending you all the best, OP.

Darbs76 · 06/11/2022 18:38

Just read all your thread and I take my hat off to you for handling it all so well. So happy things are on the up for you, and glad that karma has caught up with your ex!

Leomii81 · 06/11/2022 18:43

Wow you're so brave. Well done for not curling up into a ball and hiding away. Best of luck to you and your girls for the future x

Sallyh87 · 06/11/2022 18:57

Wow, karma generally comes through…….but not usually that quick! Glad to hear you are doing well @Username2101 . Hope your life keeps getting better.

Tillynoodle · 06/11/2022 19:55

You’ve overcome many difficulties and come through so well, it’s wonderful to hear your latest news.
What a complete fool your arrogant, vain STBXH is. He met his match with the OW and deserves everything that’s happened to him.

momtoboys · 07/11/2022 15:18

I know you are much too good of a woman/mum to really enjoy your STBX's downfall but as one of your supporters I am enjoying it immensely! You have handled this mess marvelously!

Scotsmum1 · 07/11/2022 15:37

How wonderful to read your update @Username2101 , I have been checking on your thread to see how you’re doing. This is heartwarming to hear of your personal journey towards stability and I wish you and your children all happiness in your undoubtedly bright future.

Perhaps be prepared for an emotional upset to take you by surprise when the divorce is finalised. I know that for myself that even though it had been bitter, I felt a wave of grief amongst all the other surging feelings. It was not what I expected at all. No feeling of celebration but rather a profound sadness at the loss of what might have been my future.

Having said that, I wish you all health and strength as you forge a new life - it is more than well-deserved!

BobDear · 10/11/2022 15:20

Splendid update OP. You did EVERYTHING right.

Onwards and Upwards for you.

Backwards and Downwards for him.

🍸

OldFan · 10/11/2022 16:31

Until he found out that every time he had the children she was cheating on him

😂😂😂😂😂

AhmenGwendolyn · 10/11/2022 20:32

Amazing update
I’m another stranger rooting for you, your children and your career. What a role model you are!!

Username2101 · 23/01/2023 15:04

I’m not sure if anyone is still reading this, but I thought I would update.

The kids are settled now and getting used to their new normal, they still have wobbles though.

The divorce is progressing and I applied for a conditional order, 6 more weeks and I’m officially free! My career is going great so far, I love my job and I’m earning more than i ever could have before my degree.

I want to thank you all again for the support, I was honestly in a very dark place and I’m not sure I would have got through it without this outlet.

OP posts:
LadyLindaT · 23/01/2023 15:07

What a lovely, positive update! Wishing you all the very best for a bright future. x

JuniperBerry1 · 23/01/2023 15:08

Still reading! Well done, you sound in a much happier place. Here's to you and your children's future

Goodfood1 · 23/01/2023 15:12

So happy for you. Sounds like, although in a hard way he did you a favour.
Onwards and upwards.

Ariautec · 23/01/2023 15:15

Such positive news. Well done you. I posted earlier in the thread, with my experiences in the hope of giving you some support. ( I've name changed since).

I'm sure you STBEXH regrets every minute....idiot.

Your independence and success is such a kick in the teeth for him. Silly man, why can't they be happy with what they have?