Husband walked out tonight

[Username2101]

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

Hope you and your children are doing as well as can be expected OP

How are you op x

Hello everyone

Things are going well so far, me and the children have kind of fallen into a routine and we are slowly getting used to our new normal.
I'm trying to keep as much as I can the same as it was, while dropping the rules he made that I didn't particularly agree with lol

I still have my off days and still get what I can only describe as a burning rage inside at what he's done.

My placement finishes next week and my department are going to hire me as a community care officer until I can register with social work England. I'm definitely asking for a delayed start so I can have some time off though. The exhaustion is real.

He is so far sticking to what he promised and focusing on the children. We are getting along much better too which helps with co-parenting. My rose tinted glasses have well and truly fallen off where he is concerned though.

It gets better, honestly! Although be prepared for him breaking it off with OW to be a lie - my ex spun that line several times when he was having regrets, he's still trying that a year on. He just wants to keep me "on the hook" in case it doesn't work out.

Im glad you are doing well OP, I can honestly say it does get better. I am 5years on and have a fantastic partner of 2 years who absolutely adores me.

I worked on myself, gave myself time to grieve my marriage (of 20yrs) and I can say that I am happy. My life is very different now and the kids are grown at 23 and 19, but it is a far better life.

You will be fine, I can promise you that, so will the kids.

Can I just say I have absolutely adored you through this! I read you original post when it first was added and have followed every now and again since then. Your strength is amazing. You probs don’t even realise how well and far you have come. Not long till your placement is complete. Well done stay strong! X

How u getting on op x

I've lost a crap load of weight and am forcing myself to eat, but to be fair a smaller bum can only be a good thing.

@Username2101 Big bums are in nowadays. And eating enough will make you feel better.

I am actually good! Which is something I didn't think I would say a few months ago. My placement finishes tomorrow and I'm looking forward to a nice long break.
I'm going to decorate my house and start clearing all the crap out.

One last reflective assignment to do and I will no longer be a student!

It has been the hardest couple of months I have ever experienced, my heart has been broken and I think it has definitely changed me as a person. I don't think I will ever be as trusting in anyone again.

I trusted my ex heart and soul and never thought he would do anything like this to me or his children.

Things for him are not quite as rosy, he got fired from his job last week, one too many mistakes were made. But maybe if he hadn't been busy trying to get into his secretary's knickers he would have picked up those problems so I have no sympathy.

He is now homeless, jobless and wifeless. Karma in action.

I'm so pleased your doing well,you sound really happy,oh dear not good for the ex! No sympathy for him ( just make sure he doesn't try to come crawling back ) xx

Careful he doesn't come home because he has nowhere to go

You are amazing

I've been wondering how you were doing, so your update is good to read. Purging your house of crap and redecorating sounds an excellent idea.

I think you will one day look back and wonder how you managed to get through this all and still manage to complete your assignments and look after the DC. I think you will be in awe of that woman.

So many men are so stupid and greedy aren't they? Your ex had it all, a loving wife who trusted him implicitly, loving DC, a career and a good home and he blew it all on a fumble with his secretary, what an idiot and such a cliche. It definitely sounds like Karma has kicked in. I hope he thinks trying to get into the trollop's knickers was worth it as he looks at his life as a jobless, homeless, wifeless middle aged man, but I suspect not.

As for you Op, onwards and upwards.

OMG.... fired from his Very Important Job....!

Has he contacted you to try and get sympathy?

I'm sure his "friends" have all drifted away too

Great update op! The very best of luck for your future 🌷

Wishing you all the luck in the world. You are doing amazingly well.

He did come crawling for sympathy and I'll be honest I did fall into the trap of comforting him.

I just struggle to understand how someone could blow their life up so fucking spectacularly for the sake of a shag and an ego boost.

I could have got my head around it if he was in love, but not this. It makes no sense at all.

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 this is amazing!! Thrilled for you and thrilled karma acted so quickly.
What an absolute arse he has lost everything. Hope something similar happens to my DH!

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 this is amazing!! Thrilled for you and thrilled karma acted so quickly.
What an absolute arse he has lost everything. Hope something similar happens to my DH!

So many men do this OP. I also don't know how they can be so colossally stupid, luckily you don't have to be married to such an idiot any longer!

Stay strong.
Keep your distance from him.
It would be so easy at this point to remember the good times, feel sorry for him, help him with money..
Do none of these things!
Keep that picture in your head of him and her together... your kids tears... his total disregard of you and all you had together.
Dont give a single thought to the past... you are rising... you will continue to rise and your kids will be so proud of you and what you have achieved.
Be proud of you too!!

Did he come crying asking you to take him back?

Well, it's the day after the end of your placement and I hope you have a celebration planned 🥂🍾🎉 or something nice with your children.
You've weathered the storm so far and will go on to better and happier times.
I really admire your courage in sticking to your principles when, in many cases, women go back to the same old same old and live with regret.
You are one of the fighters and will smile more and feel sad less as the months roll by.
Be proud of all you've achieved and never look back ..therein lies madness. When you're driving forward you look at the road ahead, not in the rear view mirror unless you plan a U turn which I'm sure you won't.
Take care. We're with you all the way 💐

You are amazing. You might not feel strong but you are an inspiration in how to not only cope but thrive. Enjoy the break, you deserve it. The worst is past and your future is bright.

@Username2101

You sound a strong and capable woman so I'm sure you've already done things like change the locks and also separated your finances so he has no access to your accounts? Have you had time to consider what will happen to the house - ie: will you be able to buy him out? If you still have his tax and other financial papers at your house, now is the time to ensure you have copies of them all as they'll be useful during the settlement agreement for the divorce. Don't rely on him remaining amicable - he'll be making sure he keeps as much as he can for himself...

When he has a new job ensure you claim child maintenance. Also hopefully you've applied for your 25% council tax single occupier discount - you can do that online.

I truly admire your true grit in getting through the last few weeks. You, and your children, deserve everything good in your future. 🌹

Our house is rented and in my name, so luckily I dont have that issue to deal with.
My main problem is that until I start work I can't afford to divorce. How sad is that.

He is currently paying over what he should for maintenance, and still pays for my car. So I am quite grateful, I'm not sure how long that will last but I'm hoping the guilt train carries on for a little while.

He has no access to my bank accounts luckily.