Husband walked out tonight

[Username2101]

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

wow l have just read the whole thread op, l am so sorry for what you went through but this was Mn at its best lots of support....

You have been amazing carrying through with your placement, supporting your DDs whilst restraining your fury!
You deserve all the very best for the future..

This will sound awful but I used to see these type of threads on here and then look at my husband thinking he would never do anything like that.

I'm not exaggerating when I say he was absolutely devoted to me and his children and we were to him.

This completely blindsided me but I got through it a hell of a lot wiser and tougher than I was.

I don't really recognise the woman I was in March and he certainly isn't the same person. Its sad how everything can change in an instant, all our plans for the future. Gone. But I'm making new plans now and to be honest, I quite like the freedom I have acquired.

My mum went through this with my father and she never got over it, she turned into a bitter woman. I refuse to do that to my children.

Make sure you don't have any shared credit cards where you are the main account holder. Or any old joint accounts where he could run up an overdraft. Obviously if he was the main account holder on a credit card and you the secondary holder, feel free to buy a shit load of stuff!

Also, don't be giving him comfort. Hearten your heart and remember how little care he gave you while off shagging his 22 year old!

Please be kind to yourself and your children because you’ve all been through such a shitty time and come through .
I’m applauding you . You are a strong woman and are doing brilliantly by your kids. I wasn’t as strong 20 years ago - my 30+ year old children are now in therapy ; you have done so much better than I did and for that I’m really happy for you .
Next year you will reflect back and know you did the best thing , your life partner betrayed you but you survived and fought back
Bloody Well Done
you’re the example I wish I could have been.
xxxx

Oh OP, this is the most beautifully heartfelt, heartbreaking thread I've read. You write so eloquently about your experience, and you sound incredibly strong.

What you have been through is utterly traumatic, although you have dealt with it in such a classy and capable way.

I know you are so busy & money will be tighter but do you think you could squeeze in a few sessions of counselling? I really think you'd feel a massive benefit from speaking to someone about how this has been for you. You've been so focused on looking after your kids, your studies and keeping the house going, that you have been a bit neglected.

Wishing you all of the luck and happiness for your future, whatever that might look like

Hugs to you @Username2101 and congratulations on completing your training.

Please don't let him wheedle his way back in.

A quick update for anyone reading.

I have started my new role today as a community care officer until I find out if I have passed my course or not.

Everything is still really raw, a memory of my youngest DDs first steps popped up. Ex-DH was in it and he was cheering and looked so happy. I sat and sobbed.

He is still seeing the children but he has changed towards me now. He is very cold and dismissive. He refuses to discuss anything that makes him feel bad.

"He's tired of being the asshole"

He's still living with his friend and I'm pretty sure he's messing with the OW again. He wants to be friends only, which I should be happy about. But I'm hurt that he could fall out of love with me so quickly.

That I wasn't enough to even try and fight for.

He got his last wage the other day, he paid no bills and spent the lot on new clothes and a night out with his former work friends. The 22 year old OW was there too.

He still hasn't found another job yet and he's about to lose his car because he hasn't made the payments on it.

I honestly can't understand where his head is anymore.

Grim isn’t it? I’m sure young ladies are queuing up now he’s unemployed with no house or car

Tired of being the asshole, but still going out of his way to be an asshole.

Doesn't sound like he's really processed what has happened yet, he's still in euphoric freedom phase. Just work on trying to process everything yourself and feel all the feelings so you can heal. It takes time. Go as no contact as you can and try to resist urge to pay attention to what he is doing.

@Username2101 He's a twat ( I'm making a conscious effort of trying to be nice, so that's the best I could do there )
I have been following your journey, and like so many others, I think you're amazing!
Of course it's going to be hard, but you are strong and we all know it's you thats coming out on top!
How did your first day go? I'm sure you'll pass the course with flying colours 💐

My first day went well, it's at the same place I did my placement so I'm just straight back into it.

One of the ladies I built a really good relationship with died while I was off, so that really set me back and upset me.

I thought it would be getting easier, with the feeling about my ex and some days I am absolutely fine. But hearing the news about my lady and then seeing that post on Facebook knocked me for six.

It hurts he went crawling back to the OW as soon as he thought was decent. I have insisted that he has the youngest two DDs for overnights on his weekends now. So that will clip his wings a bit lol

I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through this. I know this will sound weird but I’m really proud of how you’ve handled this. Absolutely amazing. Well done on completing your studies and securing a job. You’re awesome!

I was a wreck when XH left. And even more so when he turned really nasty/threatening (I ended up going to court and getting a PSO put in place - Judge granted that for a year and also order a CAO be put in place, giving me full residency of the kids, and not allowing him to have them overnight!).

I am 3yrs ahead of you, and I think the thing is to not try and understand his behaviour. It has no rhyme or reason. I tore myself apart trying to make sense of it all. My XH was the same, in that I was just gobsmacked at his behaviour and actions. OW was the nail in the coffin for me, but XH and her didn’t last more than a few months. He threw away everything too. for the sake of “freedom”, drugs, alcohol and OW (who was also into drugs and alcohol). But it’s his loss (which even he acknowledges now), like it’s your XH’s loss.

It's going to be completely normal to have days when you cry. Sometimes it will hit you out of the blue, but I promise that things will be on more of an even keel, it just takes time. I still feel sad at times now, but I wouldn’t want to be with the person he became.

I found talking to my friends and work mates really helped. They were amazing. And reorganising the house, and making myself go out to social things with the kids. And actually looking after myself too!! Make sure you guys look after yourself xx

Look at you with your new qualification (you've aced it, I'm sure) and your new job!

I'm so sorry your lady died, but it sounds like you made some of her last days better.

You're going up.

He's going down.

I know which person I'd rather be right now. . .

Yes, he needs to do his share of the childcare. They find that bit hard when they’ve had a wife to rely on.

My DH hated that bit, that his time was planned for him, routinely and that he couldn’t control me and make me step in, or leave me at home whilst he went out.
On one of ‘his’ weekends when he had the kids overnight, he dared to ask that I ‘babysit’ for him so that he could take the OW out….he wasn’t happy when I refused ( in fact I was really sarcastic with my ‘ yes of course, why don’t you bring her back home with you afterwards , I’ll have the coffee on…’) he got the message.
In his fury he told me that he was going to find a babysitter…any babysitter and if something happened to our DC’s it would be my fault for not stepping in!

Stick to routine, have a life when he is at home babysitting. Don’t suppose his 22year old is going to want to stay in and help for long.

You are doing great. You will have a period of time with peaks and troughs. I was fine for about 4 months. Quite stoic, until I realised that this was going to be a permanent break up…then I had a period of time in pieces. Once that was over…I got on with it. I’ve never regretted having the self respect to walk away, even when he wanted to come back.

Yeah, they can never resist the drama with OW for a bit, my ex has been back and forth with his, I'm just assuming they are together and getting on with my life regardless of what he says their relationship status is. What he does when he's away from the kids is now not my concern, as long as he doesn't let them down then we are ok.

"He is now homeless, jobless and wifeless. Karma in action."
He is astoundingly stupid... all that for an extra shag & ego boost.
Men really are just like dogs, sniffing out any female on heat.
Be glad he's gone

@Username2101 just checking in and seeing how you and DC are doing. I can’t believe it’s July already! Really hope you’re ok. 3yrs ago, I was in your shoes. I was devastated then (and it still saddens me that XH threw everything away and didn’t bother fighting/getting clean etc), but I’m
honestly happy now, and I wouldn’t go back to him (my XH still talks about it though!! Well let him talk). My DD and I are doing face masks this evening as a special treat. It’s lovely and peaceful :) look after yourselves xx

Hi! It's all going well so far, I passed my course and barring anything going horribly wrong I should graduate with a 2.1.

Personally I've started therapy and anti depressants which are helping a lot. Ex-DH filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago, which set me back a bit.

I still have my good days and bad and wake up most mornings still thinking about everything. But it is getting better.

I just need to focus on my children and my job now. Hopefully the future will be much better. I honestly can't imagine allowing myself to be with anyone else though.

I'm 5 years post XH leaving for OW and l also don't see myself with anyone again... and I'm at peace with that. I don't feel l need a man in my life to "complete" it. I have a better social life now that we are split as the DC are there alternate weekends.

@Username2101 Thinking of you and the hard work you have put in in order to keep you and the children in an even keel.
Congratulations on your 2-1, it's just the start of your new life blossoming. 🥂🎉
I've never endured emotional pain such as you and others on here have experienced but I admire every single one of you for dealing with it and making a new beautiful future, no matter how long it takes or how hard the slog. Take care and lots of luck on your journey. 🍀💐

• on an even keel

I've just read through your whole thread OP and I have to tell you,you are bloody amazing!

Your setting an amazing example to your DC as well teaching them what they're worth and what your worth.

Congratulations on your results and the job, I'm so sorry to hear about the poor lady passing,my MIL does a very similar job and I've seen how it affects her but I'm sure just like my MIL you will have been a great source of comfort to her when you were looking after her.

All the best OPOnwards and Upwards.

If he still hasn't got a job, he may come to you asking for money soon. Tell him to go ask his new girlfriend for money instead and laugh at him. He does not deserve your help.

Congratulations on passing your course OP, you are amazing.

Just wondering how you are doing ? Hope you are in a good place .