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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

748 replies

Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 14:16

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

OP posts:
EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 20/03/2022 14:49

I don’t wear make-up very often - but when I do, I want it to be visible from space.

I DGAF whether others like it/admire the application.

My face. My paintwork. Foxtrot Oscar.

OP, he sounds like a right bellend. From now on, every time you apply your eyeliner I’d like you to give it a flick whilst mouthing “bye boi”!

Purplepinkred · 20/03/2022 14:49

Can I ask how old you are ?

I went out with a guy in my mid 20s.
He didn’t like my clothes .
Preferred me at my skinniest ( me not eating )
Liked me with a full face of make up
Suggested I got my teeth whitened

I wasted 4 years with this arse !!!! One day I broke . I’d lost all my confidence but the final straw came and I left him. It took me a year to put myself back together .

I was then single and it took me months to get my confidence back . Then , I dated for 18 months and anyone who made me feel insecure by mean was binned ! No second chance.

Then , I met a man . Who makes me feel like I’m a princess. He makes me feel utterly beautiful .
This man is my husband . He held my hand through child birth whilst telling me I was beautiful. Each day I was pregnant he told me I was glowing . He introduces me as ‘ his beautiful wife !’

I thank the Lord I had the strength to leave the person who saw me as abit embarrassing/ not good enough !

My brother once told me - You accept what you
Are willing to put up with !

Xxx

Hugs to you xxx

Byeeefornow · 20/03/2022 14:50

Has he ever mentioned it before or even hinted at it?

Heronwatcher · 20/03/2022 14:50

He doesn’t like you much, or respect you. Stop wasting your time with him. Sounds like something out of American Psycho! Get out whilst you still can.

NursieBernard · 20/03/2022 14:52

There's no way back from this but is there anything you can take from it? Could you ask a trusted friend about your make-up? Although if you're happy with it then screw him.

Beautiful3 · 20/03/2022 14:53

Wow, what a know. He's been quietly seething about the way you look?! Horrible man. Bin him off, you can do so much better.

50DaysAF · 20/03/2022 14:53

If I received that message I would end the relationship, regardless of duration or level of commitment.

KohlaParasaurus · 20/03/2022 14:54

This has nothing whatsoever to do with your make up. If he was a decent boyfriend he would be going out and about in public proudly with you no matter what your make up looked like, and if he just wanted you to do your face differently he'd find a nice way to discuss it with you rather than sending a nasty message like that. If I was a gambler I'd be betting on your make up looking absolutely fine.

Eddielizzard · 20/03/2022 14:54

That would be the end for me. He's embarrassed to be seen with you? I'd be embarrassed to put up with that shit. Whatever you do, please don't try to please him, don't try for his approval.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 20/03/2022 14:54

I believe this to be true because I have had enough men tell me they do not like a lot of makeup on women. At all. They prefer no makeup.

Meet up with him without makeup and see how he responds. (Just as an experiment)

RandomBasic · 20/03/2022 14:55

He doesn't like you.

MarthaFokker · 20/03/2022 14:57

None of this makes sense.

If your makeup is absolutely fine, why would he invent a bizarre response like that?

Either way you asked him the truth and he told you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/03/2022 14:59

Get rid immediately.

He will wear you down by being negative to the point you will question yourself more than you already are.

If you like your make-up then FUCK HIM.

Do not let him erode you.

You deserve far better.

GoodnessTruthBeauty · 20/03/2022 15:00

The way he has decided to tell you his opinion is just a long nasty rant.

I have been married 25 yrs and my husband has never spoken to me or texted me like that or anything close to it. Quite the opposite.

The main impression you get from this text is contempt.

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 15:00

He could've said that nicely, rather than go to the extremes of being a massive twat.

Sorry OP.

Lsquiggles · 20/03/2022 15:00

Omg i am stunned, what a strange thing for him to fixate on!

How long have you been together?

Whilst I agree with pp that you asked for the truth and he was honest, there's a way to phrase things nicely if you supposedly care for someone and he has been so unnecessarily brutal! Shock

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/03/2022 15:01

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

If he doesn't like women who wear heavy makeup, then why the hell would he choose to get into a relationship with one?!

I think this is actually the beginnings of an attempt to control you. What can he get away with in making you change yourself? Next it will be your clothes. Then your hair. Then the way you laugh. Now you're saying embarassing things. He will continue until you're a shell of yourself and no longer know who you are.

Read @Purplepinkred post above - this is your clear warning siren to get the hell out of this relationship.

Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 15:01

@Purplepinkred
I’m 44 but I’m blessed that I look much younger . People think I’m in my 20s sometimes!

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 20/03/2022 15:01

You asked.
He said.
You heard.
He goes.

Throughabushbackwards · 20/03/2022 15:02

He's a knob, no doubt.

Although, makes me think of a friend of mine who wears bizarrely dark, thick eyebrow makeup, to the point where it's hard not to feel like she's been sold something that's trendy but not at all suited to her. I obviously would never say anything to her, but I feel a bit sorry for her I guess as she's quite beautiful and would be more so if she had a more natural look.

Maybe he's trying to tell you something similar but, being a total dickhead, saying it in cack handed way?

grapewines · 20/03/2022 15:02

You asked him a question, and he answered honestly. What you do with that is up to you.

GeidiPrimes · 20/03/2022 15:02

Were you wearing make-up when you met?

He sounds horrible either way, he took such relish in criticizing you. Bin!

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 20/03/2022 15:02

You asked him.

He shared his perspective in an unnecessary amount of detail although he might have known that it was phrased in quite a brutal way.

You might need to reconsider your makeup choices (I have no idea).

You don't need to spend more than a moment to consider whether you should continue your relationship with somebody who would respond to your vulnerable enquiry in such an inconsiderate manner.

Noglassjustthebottleandastraw · 20/03/2022 15:04

He sounds really horrible and immature. You asked him a question and he came back with an attack. That doesn't sound like a person who respects his partner or knows what a healthy relationship is.

Sorry op but I think you should get rid. You really don't want to spend your life afraid to ask him anything or he will go off on one about you.

Could he be seeing anyone else? And that's why he has immediately went on the defensive?

Or is he pissed off that you sent him a text about something important to you rather than talking to him face to face? Sometimes when things are written down they come across different to when spoken about. You have gave us his full response but not the full text you sent to him.

Take care op and put yourself first 💐

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 20/03/2022 15:04

Regardless of whether your make up is grand or not, he should like you (or love you) as you are.

I bet he is fine with getting his NatKing though - so you can’t be so awfully off putting.

Get him telt and get someone who is happy to be with you.

And more importantly, get someone who makes YOU happy. Not someone who has you doubting yourself or does you down.