I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

[Yorkshiregurl1]

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

Why did he go out with you if he hates your make up?

Id just ditch him, he clearly doesn't like you.

I’d feel stunned too, OP. The numb feeling is probably temporary and will give way to something else as you process this. I think it would be appropriate to feel angry or hurt at his disregard for your feelings. If he is otherwise sensitive and attentive to your needs, then why is he being so careless of your feelings here? He seems to think it’s ok to put you down. How you respond to this will tell him whether he’s right to think that or not. Please put yourself first here and hold your head up, you are not a person to be embarrassed by! Whether you choose to get another opinion on your make up is a side issue - the issue here is respect and communication skills.

What a prick. Sounds like the start of controlling behaviour tbh. Trying to belittle you and make you feel insecure.

I'd message back 'I'm glad you've told me. Because I needs a man who is proud to be with me, squiggly lines and all. Not a boy with insecurity issues up the wazoo who takes it out on his partner. You're dumped. Cheerybye'.

What a horrible message - chuck him in the bin OP.

@Bluetrews25

OP, you think you look ok. Your friends think you look ok. This is nothing to do with make up and all about control. He started the control by not taking you out-out. Then you gave him a glorious opportunity to tell you why. But he lied. Really, he doesn't take you out because he wants to keep you under his thumb. Yet again, a man is mansplaining to a woman something that mainly only women do. But the man is right, because he is A Man.

Yeah I’m not sure, how many friends tell you honestly? The op says her make up is bright, unnatural and heavy. Which is not something you see often on women in their mid forties to be fair but is a personal choice and that’s all that matters.

He’s said it far too bluntly and horribly, but what matters is the op is happy with her appearance. He does sound like he’s got the ick and it’s over.

I bet he has no problem jumping into bed with you. Bin him. He's told you who he is!!

@PegasusReturns

He was horrid and you should get rid.

But your last post jumped out:

I’m 44 but I’m blessed that I look much younger . People think I’m in my 20s sometimes!

this is quite unlikely. Very very few genuinely look a decade-plus younger than they are so I’m a bit on the fence regarding your own self awareness. I’d ask a friend to give you a brutally honest appraisal of your makeup.

I agree. It's very rare for someone to look two decades younger especially in heavy makeup. Usually heavy makeup has the opposite effect. When I see heavy makeup it's usually making the person look older. I'd speak to your friends OP and hear their thoughts.

Jesus fucking Christ on a bike, what a mean, disrespectful, nasty piece of shit you've scuffed onto your shoe there, OP.

You asked a fair enough question, he then rips you to shreds and adds in the extra jab about 'waking up to this crap'. Fuck that and then fuck it some more. If you stay with this man, this is going to be the rest of your life, him putting you down and being mean. No, just no, get rid of this pathetic shit and find a man with some manners and respect who knows how to treat you properly.

My take on this is, you did ask, he did say (allbeit not very tactfully) and you don't agree with it or see anything in what he says.
Sorry OP but in your 40's you cannot get away with wearing the same makeup as a youngster would.
Heavy makeup is not flattering but I think you need to get an honest (and I mean honest) opinion from someone else, you might look totally fine, neither I or anyone else on Mumsnet can tell you whether or not you look okay.
If you are happy as you are thats fine, and you don't like his opinion of you thats also fine and you can get rid if you want.
The ball is very firmly in your court and its up to you how you deal with this, think long and hard, how much truth is there in his opinion?

But op days she hasn't changed her make up since they met. So funny isn't it that it was OK for him then and yet it isn't now. Infact, it's suddenly 'embarrassing'. He's talking shite op. Trying to belittle you so you don't realise you could do miles better. Like a man that actually cares enough to take you on dates for example.

So I guess he doesn't like your makeup. Either wash it off or get rid of him.

Personally I'd dump him. The way he's handled the situation is unnecessarily cruel. There's no way back from that.

It doesn’t actually matter what your make up looks like.

I would bin him for the crazy, arrogant, patronising tone of that message alone.

@Bluetrews25

OP, you think you look ok. Your friends think you look ok. This is nothing to do with make up and all about control. He started the control by not taking you out-out. Then you gave him a glorious opportunity to tell you why. But he lied. Really, he doesn't take you out because he wants to keep you under his thumb. Yet again, a man is mansplaining to a woman something that mainly only women do. But the man is right, because he is A Man.

This is how I feel about it as well.

Why are some poster saying she cannot look younger. It all depends on your lifestyle choices and genes. I am 53 and have always looked far younger as have no lines etc. But I do think as you get older that make up has to change as I wear far less and always went for a natural look as too much make up is ageing. This man sounds vile and controlling and just dump him as he is making you question yourself and if you want to wear blue/green/gold eyeshadow that is your choice. As you said you met him as you were and he said nothing. He is a sad controlling man that wants you kept at home, now is putting you down and the emotional abuse begins. Let us know you are ok. Also ask yourself if a friend asked you for advise and showed you that message what would you advise them. There is no coming back from that message as it will erode your confidence. Does he by any chance look like Tom Hardy or young Johnny Depp.

For the love of all that is good in the world do not stay with someone who speak to you like that

What the actual fuck?!?

I don't know why people are saying maybe your make up is bad. Maybe it is, who gives a fuck, no matter how terrible it is, it absolutely does not justify a hateful message like that. He sounds thick, cruel and arrogant. Please dump him immediately. My mouth was honestly agape reading that, it was painful to read.

Is his name Gok Wan?

@thebellsesmereldathebells

I can't comment on your make-up as I haven't seen it, but who bloody cares about that anyway.

Your boyfriend is an obnoxious weirdo. Get rid.

This!

The fact is, some women do wear really awful makeup and they obviously think they look great - no one thinks their makeup is awful. We don't know if you're one of these women without seeing you. We clearly need to see a photo

I wouldn't waste my time on a response.

Block.

What a nasty individual who has zero respect for you and is double checking exactly how much disrespect he can show you.

If you do anything but dump him, it confirms you have huge boundary issues.

God, he really hates you, doesn't he?

Find your self worth and tell him to jog on.

You can look like Su Pollard/Baby Jane Hudson if you want OP - it's your face, if he's got a problem with that off he fucks

I want to post a pic on here . Can anyone please tell me how?

I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

This is the only important bit of the conversation.

He didn't want to deal with you asking a question about something you are unhappy with. He's the man so he should have brought up something he, apparently, has a major issue with only when he wants to, or you should have just been grateful at him putting up with you... Fuck that.

Walk away. His reply to you is dripping with contempt for you.

If you stay with him after this you're basically risking that level of vitriol thrown at you just whenever he feels like it - you are worth far, far more than that.

Well he has to go, obviously, but a professional make up session with a friend might be fun!
I'd reply to him saying that you think it's a great idea. Let him buy it for you. Have a fun day with a friend (get a manicure or a massage and a nice lunch too), and then when you feeling all relaxed and fabulous FaceTime him your goodbye and block him.