Page 30 | I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

Yorkshiregurl1 · 2022-03-20T14:16:24+00:00

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ? Being embarrassed about you. Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

Original poster

Yorkshiregurl1 · 22/03/2022 09:54

@Sswhinesthebest
I’m hurting at the moment that’s why I don’t want to talk to him. I am still processing the hurt and anger I feel. He hasn’t contacted me since either. I think face to face I would break down but a phone call is a better option. I’m never impolite . Despite his nasty message I didn’t stoop to his level and say horrible things back. It’s not me.

OP posts:

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 22/03/2022 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SartresSoul · 22/03/2022 10:14

I hope you’ve blocked him at this stage. Onwards and upwards, definitely plenty of lovely men in Yorkshire! He sounds like a total prick, your make up looks sharp.

Trippingslippingx1 · 22/03/2022 10:16

I had a boyfriend who used to comment on me tinting my eye brows and making comments constantly

It does not get better
Onwards and upwards

Trippingslippingx1 · 22/03/2022 10:16

I lasted 4 years. Now I go on any date and a man makes a comment about appearances or seems image obsessed hes gone fairly swiftly

ItoldyouIwastrouble · 22/03/2022 10:28

wow, your eyes and that dress, this guy is seriously missing out, what is wrong with him?! Hope you have a fantastic time whoever you decide to go with (not him obviously!)

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 22/03/2022 10:39

Apologies for a very dodgy web link in my previous post, I've just asked MNHQ to delete it.

beastlyslumber · 22/03/2022 10:53

Two of my male friends have expressed an interest in going with me - who says no to a free meal lol!

I don't think it's the free meal they're interested in!

Definitely go with a friend - anyone who you know you'd have fun with.

beastlyslumber · 22/03/2022 10:54

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@Sswhinesthebest
I’m hurting at the moment that’s why I don’t want to talk to him. I am still processing the hurt and anger I feel. He hasn’t contacted me since either. I think face to face I would break down but a phone call is a better option. I’m never impolite . Despite his nasty message I didn’t stoop to his level and say horrible things back. It’s not me.[/quote]
I'd just block him. You don't need to give him an explanation - he knows what he is. And you don't want to give him a chance to guilt-trip you or weasel his way back in.

Notanotherwindow · 22/03/2022 11:18

There's nothing wrong with your makeup. Eyebrows aren't my cup of tea but they're neatly applied, I don't see how he can criticise your technique.

imjustaguy · 22/03/2022 12:25

As a guy I thought that was a pretty detailed response about make up in general but there you go that's just me and I know nothing about the subject, maybe some guys do (or more likely is that they think they do .

Some will see his response as just being brutally honest of his opinion of your make up but that's often just a polite way of saying cruel because I often find there usually isn't a distinction between the two, thankfully most see it for what it though, an unnecessarily brutal put down and an attempt to tell you how you should look from his point of view. Stripping away all the bull the very fact your initial concerns where simply dismissed with a put down is really telling of his character and your importance to him, a real man that loved, respected and cherished you just wouldn't do what he did on either front.

You're make up doesn't need to look good for him or anyone else for that matter, people will always have different opinions on what looks good and what doesn't. What's important is if how you do your make up makes you feel good and you're happy with it then everyone else opinion can GTF. Now you're rid go find someone that will love you for you and take you as you are make up or not... good luck.

SucculentChalice · 22/03/2022 14:38

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@Sswhinesthebest
I’m hurting at the moment that’s why I don’t want to talk to him. I am still processing the hurt and anger I feel. He hasn’t contacted me since either. I think face to face I would break down but a phone call is a better option. I’m never impolite . Despite his nasty message I didn’t stoop to his level and say horrible things back. It’s not me.[/quote]
Oh you can definitely reply and be critical of him without being rude!

I would tend to say something like "Thanks for your detailed feedback. Its clear that make up application is something that is unusually important to you and for me, thats too shallow an approach to a relationship to be worth pursuing. Added to that, your extensive and detailed criticism of my appearance is likely to produce more detriment and benefit for me and I feel that few well adjusted people would put up with it. Overall therefore, you simply do not bring enough positive effect to my life and I am ending this relationship as your behaviour just simply isn't satisfactory".

I would tend to go by way of text for this one. I normally don't advocate ending relationships by text but this guy sounds highly manipulative so I wouldn't take the risk of giving him the opportunity to make further damaging comment.

Tamworth123 · 22/03/2022 14:55

.....am ending this relationship

Matve it's just me but i daw that message from him as ending the relationship, or at at v least being so indifferent to its ending that he may ad well have ended it.

As evidence by his lack of contact.

So the above is .... de trop, and unnecessary.

EthelTheAardvark · 22/03/2022 16:03

I rather agree. I really wouldn't waste any breath on talking to him, OP.

Opentooffers · 22/03/2022 17:53

Don't bother talking to him again, he said that and also followed up that he doesn't want to come on the meal with you. He probably knows that by doing these things the end can be expected shortly after. He's basically wimped out of saying that he wants to end things, and prefers to insult and cheese you off until you do it. Just ignore and lead your best life without him, it might just make him a little annoyed that he's met with silence.

BakeOffRewatch · 22/03/2022 20:02

I vote for female fellow makeup aficionado friend

Fr0thandBubble · 22/03/2022 20:30

Haven't read the full thread but I think it's one of two things:

1.He is embarrassed by your make-up and doesn't want to be seen with you (I find this one hard to believe, having seen your photo).

The make-up thing is a ruse. There is another reason he doesn't want to go out in public with you, and he's using this as an excuse.

I had a horrid ex once who did something similar once. We'd been at a big party together and one of his friends had put up photos on Facebook and tagged us both. Only I noticed that a few hours later, my ex had de-tagged himself. I sent him a message asking him why, and he replied saying he hadn't wanted to say anything but I had looked awful and fat that night and that my stomach looked awful in the photos (it was a Bollywood themed party and I had been wearing a sari-type thing). He said he de-tagged himself because he was embarrassed about his friends seeing him with me.

Now, I was 28 at the time, and I look back now and know that I looked bloody good! I'm 5'10" and about 9.5 stone, so I am not in any way fat. At the time though, I believed him, and was mortified. Turns out the real reason he de-tagged himself was that he was two-timing me and didn't want this other girl to see.

SO, I would say have a think about whether this guy might be cheating on you, or trying to get together with someone else, or if there might be some other reason why he doesn't want to take you out.

In any event, even if it is about your make-up, no decent guy would send a message like that. If it were my husband, for example, he would just make some very funny jokes about it and good-naturedly tease me (whilst still taking me out :)).

I'd throw this one back, OP.

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/03/2022 20:38

He sounds controlling to me OP, there’s nothing wrong with your makeup and you’re absolutely stunning so I would flick this one away and move on to the next (more deserving) bloke when you’re ready! Enjoy your meal!

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 22/03/2022 22:10

@Opentooffers

Don't bother talking to him again, he said that and also followed up that he doesn't want to come on the meal with you. He probably knows that by doing these things the end can be expected shortly after. He's basically wimped out of saying that he wants to end things, and prefers to insult and cheese you off until you do it. Just ignore and lead your best life without him, it might just make him a little annoyed that he's met with silence.

Agree with this. Silence is the best message. Go for the meal with one of your friends and have a blast and don't waste a second more communicating with this lumpen charmer. I know you said you don't like being rude, but he felt no such compunction, did he?

If he does try any kind of contact, or you absolutely must send something, I would go with 'I think we can both see this hasn't worked out between us'. Deny him any further sense of drama. He's dismissed, done, you're moving on.

Snog · 22/03/2022 22:23

Why would you even think of FaceTiming this man from a restaurant that you are going to with someone else? That sounds a bit like game playing?

Orchidsonthetable · 23/03/2022 08:08

Oh op. You’ve not ended it and you’re thinking of reasons to contact him again, I feel bad for you. Please try to grab hold of your dignity and block and delete.

Trippingslippingx1 · 23/03/2022 11:08

@Fr0thandBubble

Haven't read the full thread but I think it's one of two things:

1.He is embarrassed by your make-up and doesn't want to be seen with you (I find this one hard to believe, having seen your photo).

The make-up thing is a ruse. There is another reason he doesn't want to go out in public with you, and he's using this as an excuse.

I had a horrid ex once who did something similar once. We'd been at a big party together and one of his friends had put up photos on Facebook and tagged us both. Only I noticed that a few hours later, my ex had de-tagged himself. I sent him a message asking him why, and he replied saying he hadn't wanted to say anything but I had looked awful and fat that night and that my stomach looked awful in the photos (it was a Bollywood themed party and I had been wearing a sari-type thing). He said he de-tagged himself because he was embarrassed about his friends seeing him with me.

Now, I was 28 at the time, and I look back now and know that I looked bloody good! I'm 5'10" and about 9.5 stone, so I am not in any way fat. At the time though, I believed him, and was mortified. Turns out the real reason he de-tagged himself was that he was two-timing me and didn't want this other girl to see.

SO, I would say have a think about whether this guy might be cheating on you, or trying to get together with someone else, or if there might be some other reason why he doesn't want to take you out.

In any event, even if it is about your make-up, no decent guy would send a message like that. If it were my husband, for example, he would just make some very funny jokes about it and good-naturedly tease me (whilst still taking me out :)).

I'd throw this one back, OP.

I 100% agree

Any time a guy started picking on things or having unreasonable reactions was because he was fundamentally wanting out.

I would leave him to it.

FriendlyPenquin21 · 27/03/2022 07:32

Is his name Ian?
Walk away. I wasted 18 months with someone who started off like this and it shattered my self confidence and made me very insecure. He never wanted to do anything with me - dinner, drinks, activites, holidays.... the list goes on.
Not only was he telling me I wasn't his type, was bad at makeup, dressed badly, comparing me to other girls who were "hot", he was also telling other people this and telling them I was "crazy", all while pretty much living at my flat. He made out for the first 8 months he wasn't with me and that I was obsessed by him. What made it worse is that this was to people I knew via work!!!
I am quite ashamed that I became so insecure and jealous of other women, but he eroded my self-worth and even 5 years later I struggle with trust and self confidence. What is worse is he was in fact a bit of a dead end loser in his late 30s, with no real friends, no desire to do anything, no drive or ambition, yet he wanted to control me and make me feel worthless.
Walk away it isn't worth the pain.