I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

[Yorkshiregurl1]

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

@Tamworth123

"..... but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion ....."

Said no heterosexual man ever.

Also doesn’t make sense as OP has said she wears pinks and reds- hardly bizarre! Man is an eejit.

He’s trying to tell you that you are not up to his standard, but all he has done is show he is a lower standard than anyone should accept.

He’s basically told you that you are good enough to fuck, but not to show to the world.

Bin and move on.

Man has bizarre and oddly strong opinions about his DP's make up. Man seems afraid other people will judge him for his DP's make up choice. Man is likely to get worse as people age, unfortunately. Man is unlike most blokes I've met who don't notice or don't have such bizarre opinions and either misjudges his friends or has the unlikeliest and bizarre-est set of friends. If the latter then did they meet online in a 'bunch of tools with bizarre opinions about women's make up' social media group as it seems unlikely they would emerge naturally.

Good luck OP but time for a think. Let's hope your next DP is not bizarre.

Wow he comes across as very controlling.

He is gaslighting you.

Setting seeds in your head, making you doubt yourself.

Does he do this with your clothing? Food choices etc?

Let's hope he never remembers make up trends from the decades when he was young. Don't post a photo of yourself as there is no need but perhaps post a photo of this Adonis.

@Tamworth123 I thought the same but felt reluctant to say.

Perhaps he really has the Clooney vibe.

He’s horrible. Please get rid - life’s too short for that sh*t xx

Don't waste a se ond of your precious time and energy about wondering what is going on inside his head or questioning yourself. Just bin him

I've seen the photo you posted. You're stunning. He's a looser. Get rid.

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@saraclara
I get your point and I agree.
Sending a message at 4 am isn’t the norm for me (I think it’s the first time I’ve messaged him at that time) as I’m conscious of disturbing people but I felt I needed to express what I was feeling at the time.[/quote]
Don't feel bad. If he wasn't doing mind games on you, you wouldn't have been up half the night doubting yourself and his feelings for you, you wouldn't have felt the need to text. It's all signs of an unhealthy relationship. As is wondering if your boyfriend is embarrassed by you. You should know he isn't, if he's the one for you. The moment you start questioning things like that is the moment to end it. If it was a healthy relationship thoughts like that wouldn't even come into your head.

@Tamworth123

"..... but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion ....."

Said no heterosexual man ever.

My ex used to comment on my makeup, amongst other things, and with hindsight I too believe it was because he was in-denial-gay. There were other weird potential signs of him being gay. But ultimately his comments and behaviour were all about control. He was both homophobic and, I came to realise far too late, he despised women too.

OP it's bullshit that his response was because he woke up to your text. He needn't have answered it immediately. He could have spoken to you when you next met if he preferred.

No matter how annoyed he might have been to read that text, his response to being annoyed is to attack you. That's not a good trait. As if you're responsible for his emotional state (you're not) and if you "cause" him to feel negative emotions you deserve to be punished for that.

His emotional response is shit too. His girlfriend feels insecure and his response to that is annoyance? No thanks. He gonna be annoyed if you get the flu and can't do the housework that week (because you know with a man like him you're going to be the one doing it all)? What if you had to stay late with a work emergency? He gonna cook for you and run you a bath when you get home tired or he just gonna be on at you for not being there to get his dinner? Is everything that isn't exactly what he wants going to annoy him and provoke this behaviour? Yep, it surely will.

OP I have read you’re both Indian. I’m surprised you have to sneak around at your age even in south Asian culture, I’m Pakistani and Indian people in the U.K. generally are abit more open minded due to various factors education, socioeconomic etc. Certainly my friends although they still needed appproval of some sort but generally the relationships were in the open as they were respectable. So I am surprised. Is it his idea to sneak around? I feel it’s him deciding to keep you secret and maybe as he has something to hide, you say he’s not married but he may have other women? Do you want to marry him? Are you divorced? Even though he is divorced himself Asian men of a certain calibre think they are doing you a favour by marrying you if you are divorced/kids as they know about the social stigma women face around the people of similar calibre to these type of men. Venture out and be with someone who respects you and won’t keep you a secret. Something tells me he has some skeletons in his closet and god knows what damage he did/tried to do to his ex wife. Please see this as a lucky escape, you’ll find someone who is worthy of you not this POS I promise you.

Can’t believe some of these passive aggressive comments about your make up. Completely irrelevant even it it was drag make up everyone can express themselves how they like. We are all individuals so no need to diss OP’s make up, OP I wish I never had critiqued your make up because even though I liked it it really is irrelevant what I think

Oh OP, this is heartbreaking. I started reading the thread wondering what the other side to the story is, ie, what you wrote to him and what your make up really looks like but still of the opinion that his reply was dump-worthy.
Having now seen your original message and your make up, there is more going on here. I know some PP are suggesting other women. You've suggested he can't be seen with you because of family. Maybe he is just a controlling negging piece of scum. None of it matters, his reply is vile, disrespectful and desperately unkind. You deserve more than a relationship with this piece of shit, who clearly will never treat you well.
I hope you find your inner confidence and tell him to fuck right off.
PS you look beautiful!

I cannot believe this man is an adult. Dump his ass.

FWIW, I just showed your eye makeup to my husband and he was appreciative. A little too appreciative actually. 👀 😤

@PeeAche2

I cannot believe this man is an adult. Dump his ass.

FWIW, I just showed your eye makeup to my husband and he was appreciative. A little too appreciative actually. 👀 😤

Probably because he is actually heterosexual.

I read his response to me partner put of curiosity and he said "he's a psycho".

That most men might notice makeup and I they think its over the top or not to their taste etc. but that the level of detail he's noticed, analysed and critiqued (and been annoyed by) .... reminds him of the character Patrick Bateman the psycho in American Psycho.

So there you are; gay, psycho or a gay/bi psycho.

I've just seen your picture OP and I have one question. Is he fucking blind??
You are gorgeous, and so is your eye make up. He doesn't deserve you.

I keep coming back to find out whether you've dumped him yet, OP.

Yep. Dickhead. Dump.

@saraclara

Your message was yet another thing that should have been a face to face conversation. If my phone pinged at 4am and I read that as soon as I woke, I'd roll my eyes and be a bit pissed off, too.

Messaging emotional stuff never, ever ends well. I've said that on this board many times. Without facial expression, tone of voice and body language, everything about the message can be misinterpreted by the reader. Not to mention that fact that you've no idea what mood they're in/how busy they are etc. Added to that, sending at 4am indicates irrational and wound up feelings, and them having to answer it when barely conscious themselves is never going to go well either.

I swear that the number of fallings out and relationship upsets are at a far higher rate than they were when people at least called each other, and at best actually spoke while in each others' presence.

If something is that important an issue in your relationship, then for goodness sake talk instead of typing.

It might not go well, but if one person is doing something which makes the other person feel bad and awful enough to actually be distressed about it to the point they message them at 4am and then that person is pissed off at them and eye rolling over it then the relationship is in a terrible state anyway.

If she broached the issue during the day and he said "Well to be honest I don't want to upset you at all but I don't like how you do your make up and so I was a bit embarrassed to be seen with you sorry" then that's still absolutely awful.

No matter what way he put it he still let something so stupid affect how he treats his girlfriend....the horrible way he answered her isn't the main issue at all. Even if he didn't do that or even if he was extremely sorry for saying it that way then that doesn't fix it, it's a lot easier to get over being angry at someone after a fight and they say horrible things than it is to get over something very hurtful such as your partner avoiding being seen with you!

Thank you all for your comments. Some of them made me laugh (much needed.)
Here’s where I’m at . I don’t want to see the guy , I don’t want to talk to him ever again . I feel sick at the thought. I spoke to my friends and they are of the same opinion that I need to get rid as his response was brutal and uncalled for.
I have my self respect and I cannot accept someone treating me in such a cruel way . I feel I deserve to be treated much much better.
I am confident and outgoing and I’m going to concentrate on doing me.
Yes , I feel really rubbish and my self esteem is bruised but one day at a time !

@Yorkshiregurl1 good for you! You'll soar without him. (Also I wish I had your eyes!)

Good move OP. You will be much happier with someone who wants to be with you as you are, not an imagined version of you. It sounds as though you have good friends so lean on them for a while.

Good luck! You sound lovely.