I am housing my BF of 3 years and he’s using OKCupid.

[bibera1]

My bf admitted to using OKCupid, we have recently broken up, although most of our relationship has consisted of us functionally dating while he denies that we’re together.

We have a good time together, exchange great affection and intimacy and truly he is the greatest love of my life, but I feel that it’s a betrayal of him to use dating sites while I’m paying to housing him for free.

He has nowhere else to go as he was kicked out by his mother. I am absolutely gutted. One minute we’re in love, the next we’re not. I don’t know what to do.

If I kick him out it’s like coercion to be in a relationship and I don’t know the mortality or legality of that.

I’m in so much pain. I’m in hell. It hurts to breathe.

You're being a mug

This post breaks my heart your in your wonderful prime and with a horrible man..we have all been with a utter tosser before. I bet your stunning and can get a better man tomorrow ditch him and throw on a nice outfit and celebrate your youth you don't get that back! I'm 32 and i don't have kids but I love reading about relationship stuff on this forum because it educates me too! I look back at pictures from 10 years ago and couldn't believe the poor treatment I accepted regardless.At least have a decent bf which even if it doesn't work out with in the future leaves you feeling loved and brings you flowers x

@bibera1

The thing is, I'm about to buy a 3 bed maisonette, and I could really use his help with the bills. He was going to move into one of the spare rooms upstairs and pay the energy bills for me.

Is there no way we could just stay friends/roommates so that I don't have to live alone or pay everything on my own?

How could he pay the bills if he can't even pay £250 to your mum?? Think it through.

You are not a couple, you have never been a couple. You are an atm giving out free money. Please, block him, kick him out, whatever, but most definitely get some counselling to find your selfworth. Good luck

"If I kick him out it’s like coercion to be in a relationship and I don’t know the mortality or legality of that." Wow a number has really been done on you hasn't it.

Categorically:

He is using you for a roof over his head and giving you zero respect in return.

He has spent the last few years deliberately (this stuff doesn't happen by accident) pretending to you that he loves you when he very clearly has zero respect for you. You can't love people you don't respect and you don't disrespect people you love.

If you kick him out that isn't coercing a relationship unless you tell him he can stay if he is in a relationship with you - that would be manipulation but mostly on his part as all he would then have to do would be say okay then let's do that, then keep pretending.

Simple solution there is simply don't say that. Instead say "get out of my home please, you are no longer welcome here, then delete my number"

Good bye to him and hello to your self-respect.

@bibera1

The thing is, I'm about to buy a 3 bed maisonette, and I could really use his help with the bills. He was going to move into one of the spare rooms upstairs and pay the energy bills for me.

Is there no way we could just stay friends/roommates so that I don't have to live alone or pay everything on my own?

If he cant [ay his way NOW, how the hell do you think he will pay his way when it's YOUR house.

You have the perfect sceanrio to rid yourself of this millstone, you stop paying your mum, say to her that he needs to go and she can and should ask him to leave. She won't find it as hard as you to ask him to go because they have a different connection.

If you let him into your home after this, you would be an utter fool.

End it.

He ended it the minute he signed up to OKC.

Advertise for lodgers, or se if any of your girl friends want to move out of mum and dad and come live with you?

The OP's posts read like limerence.

The guy sounds like a cocklodging lowlife but who can blame him for living somewhere when a working woman (who lives 100 miles away and he has told he isn't in a relationship with) is happily paying half his rent for him?

He's not the love of a life, its not love, you're not even a couple. A couple has to be consenting on both sides, you can't force it. See it for what it really is, a waste of your valuable time, money and energy.

It doesn't matter that his own mum kicked him out, that's his life. Prioritise yourself, get a paying lodger for your new home, stop paying his rent and ask your mum to boot him out (no problem doing that, its her home he's a lodger not a private rental property). The morality of kicking him out is that he's taking the piss out of you for as long as you let him - so don't let him. If it helps, put 'his' rent money into a separate savings account and either watch it grow or enjoy spending it on something fabulous for yourself.

Put him in the box marked 'teenage crush', grow up and move on with your own life.

Get a lodger.
Preferably someone your age, female.
You can have a laugh and go out in the pull together.
Could and should be the best years of your life.
Not mooning over that cock-lodging dickhead.

Fgs OP. If he can't pay 250 quid he can't cover energy bills and even if he does it'll be energy HE uses. Get a lodger! One with actual money.

Also if you have him in your new home while he's looking for another gf ..... then you must really love shopping for stabs.

Get RID of this abhorrent leech!

Kick him out. End of.

Not 'coercion to be in a relationship with you' because this cocklodger is not worth your commitment. Don't take him back, whatever he promises will be lies anyway. Just get rid.

People who are worty being in a relationship with do not behave like this. He is showing you who he is. Believe him. When he says he can change, well maybe he can but he definitely won't if you don't chuck him out. You will be doing all womenkind a favour by making sure he gets the consequences of his decisions.

If I kick him out it’s like coercion to be in a relationship and I don’t know the mortality or legality of that.

I don't really understand this. I guess you mean morality not mortality? Are you saying that you won't chuck him out because he will think you are calling his bluff, that it's just a threat to make him commit?

As for morality, if that's what you mean, just look at him! What is he doing that has a smidgen of morality? Nothing?

Legality? If you rent the place, does he have a rent book? Is he an official lodger? I would guess no.

Don't think OP's coming back..

@Nanny0gg

Don't think OP's coming back..

Think she realised we were onto her!