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Original poster

I am housing my BF of 3 years and he’s using OKCupid.

187 replies

bibera1 · 16/03/2022 08:59

My bf admitted to using OKCupid, we have recently broken up, although most of our relationship has consisted of us functionally dating while he denies that we’re together.

We have a good time together, exchange great affection and intimacy and truly he is the greatest love of my life, but I feel that it’s a betrayal of him to use dating sites while I’m paying to housing him for free.

He has nowhere else to go as he was kicked out by his mother. I am absolutely gutted. One minute we’re in love, the next we’re not. I don’t know what to do.

If I kick him out it’s like coercion to be in a relationship and I don’t know the mortality or legality of that.

I’m in so much pain. I’m in hell. It hurts to breathe.

OP posts:
CrumpetStrumpet · 16/03/2022 10:03

Hes not the love of your life. He's not even your boyfriend.

He's a using cocklodger who doesn't even work. Raise your bar out of hell and kick the dick head to the curb. Stop giving your all to men who throw you crumbs.

NowEvenBetter · 16/03/2022 10:03

This is so cringey, come on OP, this comes across as being so desperate for a man you tolerate being made an utter mug of, for years. Ffs.

Hoppinggreen · 16/03/2022 10:10

It’s certainly starting to come across as something

Motnight · 16/03/2022 10:13

You are 22. You have your whole life ahead. Share it with someone who loves and respects you.

Honestly Op I don't know what you and your mother are doing. She's accepting money off you to house your useless boyfriend. It's almost unbelievable.

PearlclutchersInc · 16/03/2022 10:13

Another vote to give him the order of the boot - he's behaving atrociously and taking you for an eejit.

Does he not realise that he can't take you for granted like that Hmm

RishiRich · 16/03/2022 10:20

You're paying £250 for a random man who treats you badly to live with your mum? Right. Can you not see how you're being taken for a mug? Stop paying, tell your mum you're no longer in a 'relationship' with this cocklodger and spend the money you save on weekly counselling for yourself.

RealBecca · 16/03/2022 10:27

Hes taking the absolute piss out of you. More fool you if you think this is romance.

BeKind1981 · 16/03/2022 10:29

If someone shows you who they really are - BELIEVE THEM!

chemicalworld · 16/03/2022 10:33

All the shitty comments here having a go at this young woman. Yes, she's not been the brightest, but she has a lot to learn and this will be one of her lessons in life.

I dare say, she hasn't had the best examples growing up so please don't bash her.

NowEvenBetter · 16/03/2022 10:39

Report any ‘bashing’, I can’t see any. This woman needs to understand how skewed her perception of decent behaviour is, otherwise she’ll repeat her blunder and accept more trash in to her bed, and risk being impregnated by a waster.

Nanny0gg · 16/03/2022 10:43

@bibera1

I should also add that he's staying with my mother in my old room while I pay half his rent (we split it into £250) to her, and he's about 100 miles away.

I love him but it just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth to be paying to house someone who is actively looking elsewhere? I've been an extremely tolerant and devoted girlfriend for the last 3 years, I don't know what to do.

OFGS you do know what you have to do!

Your poor mother. Help her to get him out then block him.

I assume there is no formal tenancy/lodger agreement in place?

Original poster
bibera1 · 16/03/2022 10:43

The thing is, I'm about to buy a 3 bed maisonette, and I could really use his help with the bills. He was going to move into one of the spare rooms upstairs and pay the energy bills for me.

Is there no way we could just stay friends/roommates so that I don't have to live alone or pay everything on my own?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 16/03/2022 10:44

@bibera1

No. We go through periods of being 'dating', we drift in and out depending on how he feels, but for the last 3 years we have been a couple functionally.
No, I'm sorry, but you really haven't.

What on earth is your mother's take on all this? How have you got her involved?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 16/03/2022 10:44

I've seen some people on here with a low bar for relationships, but this one must be at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. Seriously, stop paying for him, get your mum to kick him out, get some counselling and FGS never see this loser again, he doesn't give two shits about you.

FlickyCrumble · 16/03/2022 10:45

He’ll find somewhere to go. Men like that always do. Get rid

Nanny0gg · 16/03/2022 10:45

@bibera1

I'm 22 and it just seemed like what we have is very sincere and romantic, I don't know how or why he would sabotage it like this
Because he and it are not in the least sincere.

What is your mother thinking to get involved with this loser in her house?

Thoosa · 16/03/2022 10:45

@bibera1

I should also add that he's staying with my mother in my old room while I pay half his rent (we split it into £250) to her, and he's about 100 miles away.

I love him but it just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth to be paying to house someone who is actively looking elsewhere? I've been an extremely tolerant and devoted girlfriend for the last 3 years, I don't know what to do.

With all respect, that’s mental. You’re not his parent and neither is your Mum. How did you get into such a situation?
Thoosa · 16/03/2022 10:46

@bibera1

The thing is, I'm about to buy a 3 bed maisonette, and I could really use his help with the bills. He was going to move into one of the spare rooms upstairs and pay the energy bills for me.

Is there no way we could just stay friends/roommates so that I don't have to live alone or pay everything on my own?

Are you winding us up?

Don’t buy a 3 bed if you can’t afford the bills.

Nanny0gg · 16/03/2022 10:47

@bibera1

The thing is, I'm about to buy a 3 bed maisonette, and I could really use his help with the bills. He was going to move into one of the spare rooms upstairs and pay the energy bills for me.

Is there no way we could just stay friends/roommates so that I don't have to live alone or pay everything on my own?

NO!!!

Get yourself a nice, pleasant FEMALE housemate!

Then work on your boundaries.

Original poster
bibera1 · 16/03/2022 10:48

I can afford it or I wouldn't have been approved for a mortgage, I would just prefer to live with someone and have someone pitch in. In case you were somehow unaware, there is an energy crisis at the moment.

OP posts:
spacehardware · 16/03/2022 10:49

You're not his girlfriend and never were. Sorry.

chemicalworld · 16/03/2022 10:50

Get a lodger, open up your world a bit more. Don't let him get under your skin even more. You are 22, and have wasted 3 great years of your life on this person.

Thoosa · 16/03/2022 10:51

@bibera1

I can afford it or I wouldn't have been approved for a mortgage, I would just prefer to live with someone and have someone pitch in. In case you were somehow unaware, there is an energy crisis at the moment.
Okay.

Well in case you’re unaware, 1) affording the bills is part of affording the flat, and 2) housing your ex like a pet is fucked-up.

But you know that, or you wouldn’t be posting. So why exactly are you posting?

spacehardware · 16/03/2022 10:52

You need an actual lodger, not a cock lodger

This man sponges off you, how would him living in your home help with bills??

JamieNorthlife · 16/03/2022 10:52

Is this for real?

Are you a troll?