I am housing my BF of 3 years and he’s using OKCupid.

[bibera1]

My bf admitted to using OKCupid, we have recently broken up, although most of our relationship has consisted of us functionally dating while he denies that we’re together.

We have a good time together, exchange great affection and intimacy and truly he is the greatest love of my life, but I feel that it’s a betrayal of him to use dating sites while I’m paying to housing him for free.

He has nowhere else to go as he was kicked out by his mother. I am absolutely gutted. One minute we’re in love, the next we’re not. I don’t know what to do.

If I kick him out it’s like coercion to be in a relationship and I don’t know the mortality or legality of that.

I’m in so much pain. I’m in hell. It hurts to breathe.

@bibera1

I should also add that he's staying with my mother in my old room while I pay half his rent (we split it into £250) to her, and he's about 100 miles away.

I love him but it just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth to be paying to house someone who is actively looking elsewhere? I've been an extremely tolerant and devoted girlfriend for the last 3 years, I don't know what to do.

Honestly woman you are a complete doormat By Tolerant and devoted you mean complete doormat Stop paying his rent and tell your Mum to kick him out

Why can’t he pay his own rent? It’s up to your mother if she continues to let him lodge there but why are you paying half the rent?

His mom kicked him out because he's a useless chump. You should do the same. He's a user and a cocklodger and you must raise your standards and your self esteem. Get him gone, block him and move on with your life!

@bibera1

No. We go through periods of being 'dating', we drift in and out depending on how he feels, but for the last 3 years we have been a couple functionally.

I don’t even know what that means but I do know he’s a lazy pointless man and you would be better off in so many ways if you have nothing more to do with him. At the moment you are paying him to be your boyfriend on a very basic level, he’s basically a prostitute

if by being devoted, you mean allowing him to treat you like shit, and taking advantage of you - yo are giving him the message that you will accept any treatment and he will continue to take the piss.

Get rid.

Are you really young OP? Because I find it hard to believe an adult would let someone treat them this way. He's not the love of your life , he's using you to keep a roof over his head. It sounds like he's done a number on you . You need to work on your self esteem , get angry and kick him out . No doubt when you do he'll start throwing big gestures and promises out of desperation but he does NOT care about you.

I'm 22 and it just seemed like what we have is very sincere and romantic, I don't know how or why he would sabotage it like this

Lovely, he is using you while trying to date other people. Why are you accepting this rock bottom standard for yourself? It doesn't matter that you've been an A* girlfriend for years, if he hasn't seen how great you are by now, he never will. I caught my ex boyfriend using dating apps (actually posted on here about it!) and I'm now 8/9 months out from cutting him off and feel SO MUCH STRONGER for it. My self-worth is back, my confidence is bulletproof, I've started tentatively dating again and I can see clearly now how little respect my ex had for me. It's hard and it will hurt, but I promise you won't regret it. I will also add, him deluding himself in thinking Miss Universe contestants are just around the corner waiting for him on OKCupid and will turn up any day now desperate to date him is everything to do with his insecurities and not a reflection on you. He's got problems that a loving and supportive relationship could not fix, don't waste your time on someone that clearly needs professional help (would bet my last quid he's addicted to dating sites and classes seeing women's profiles as a form of pornography because "they are real", as my ex admitted to me ). I'm happy to chat about how I got over it if you want to reach out. You've got this though OP, it's one precious life please don't settle for being treated as a host to a parasite xxx

I am sure that you can do better than this excuse for a man. Stop enabling him to treat you badly and start living for you.

best comment. ill be in touch

He is ABSOLUTELY NOT the love of your life. He may be the best romantic prospect you've had so far but you are young it will get better, and will one day you'll realise what an utter loser this guy is. You deserve better.

Why isn't he working, is he ill or disabled.

You're 22 with your whole life ahead of you. Dump him. You're not in love. You just think you are. He's just looking for a free shag and somewhere to live. Take on board all these comments from women who are probably a whole lot older and wiser than you are. Dump him and concentrate on your own life and your friends.

Wow. He sounds like an amazing catch! I'm signing up to OK Cupid right now. 🙄

Wow!

he's all yours, baby

Why doesn’t he work OP?

I despair

I did a similar thing when I was younger, and it turned out I needed a lot of counselling to understand what a good relationship was.

I compromised every step of the way thinking he would see how amazing I was, how accommodating and he would love me. Doesn't work that way....it just got worse and in the end I had zero self esteem.

The bar seems to be so low. You are not his Mother or his Guardian. He is massively taking the piss.

Why are so many women willing to prop up useless men? Jesus christ.

Aye?

No relationship
No housing
His problem. Not yours. You are like his substitute mummy with the added bonus of a bit of sex.

Move on without this loser.

I don’t think he’s ever been your boyfriend, not in his mind anyway. He’s been denying that you’re in a relationship for years, he lives 100 miles away, and is your mum’s lodger. Stop paying his rent and let your mum decide whether she wants to get a new lodger. Then think about what it is you want out of a relationship and why you’d think this situation counts as one. Do you have any friends who you can talk about how odd a situation this was with?

Oh my word. He's not your boyfriend - you just admitted you've broken up. Also that you were only sort of together - I'm assuming "together" meant sex and lots of alone time but not going out together as a couple to parties, events and group activities? You believe that deep down he loves you.

You know, I had one of these when I was your age. Mine at least paid his way and regularly paid for me too. But eventually I woke up and realised that for my own personal mental health I had to cut him out of my life completely. I loved him. But he did not love me. He liked me a lot, and he found be massively attractive and loved to have sex with me. But he didn't love me. And for me it was all or nothing. So I went with nothing.

Be me. [Also, when I bumped into him 15 years later.... I was very glad].

He is NOT the love of your life. He’s just reasonably good in bed and you are lonely.

He does not love you.