I am housing my BF of 3 years and he’s using OKCupid.

[bibera1]

My bf admitted to using OKCupid, we have recently broken up, although most of our relationship has consisted of us functionally dating while he denies that we’re together.

We have a good time together, exchange great affection and intimacy and truly he is the greatest love of my life, but I feel that it’s a betrayal of him to use dating sites while I’m paying to housing him for free.

He has nowhere else to go as he was kicked out by his mother. I am absolutely gutted. One minute we’re in love, the next we’re not. I don’t know what to do.

If I kick him out it’s like coercion to be in a relationship and I don’t know the mortality or legality of that.

I’m in so much pain. I’m in hell. It hurts to breathe.

Kick him out, if you’re feeling generous give him a deadline to be out..maybe a week. But stick to it.

But he's getting you to pay for him to live now. What makes you think he'll contribute if he moves in to your new house? He's clearly demonstrating already that he doesn't give a shit about you.

Wake up and smell the coffee. Never mind an energy crisis. You've got a glass tinted cocklodger crisis. You would be absolutely insane to move this waster into your new house!

OP, he isn't the love of your life. Would the love of your life treat you this way? He wouldn't.
Throw him out, learn to sit with the pain and it will ebb away quickly leaving you free to meet the person who you love so much but who loves back the same way. You deserve respect and to be cared for.

This is your actual life you are wasting. He doesn't care about you, not one little bit, probably never has.

What's happened in your life that you think that this is all you deserve, all you're worth?

Fucks sake, wake up.

It’s a reverse or a hypothetical or a shaggy dog tale or something.

You sound like a kind, caring person who holds herself to a certain moral standard op. So ask yourself - why don't you expect the same from other people in your life? Why do you think a man who acts like you're together yet tells you you aren't fir three flecking years, is remotely up to the standards he should be? At ever chance he has had, he has stabbrc you in the heart. And now, he has stabbed you in the back too.

You're a nice person. He isn't. Heck, he us utterly lacking in goodness, kindness, respect, empathy and morality. People like this are bottomless pits where love goes to die. They take and they take, of you, until there is nothing left but a shell of the kind, warm, loving person you once were. Until you are lost forever.

He will never choose you. So please, choose yourself! Choose self love. Cut this venomous snake loose.

@bibera1

I can afford it or I wouldn't have been approved for a mortgage, I would just prefer to live with someone and have someone pitch in. In case you were somehow unaware, there is an energy crisis at the moment.

Get yourself someone you're not in the slightest bit involved with, not this cocklodger.

He's not exactly 'chipping in now' is he if you're subsidising him? You actually want someone who will decrease the amount you're paying out, not increase it.

Please speak to someone and give your health the shake it really needs.

Jeez

I can afford the bills I just want to have a bit more than £500 left over after my paycheck each month. I don't -need- a housemate to afford it.

@bibera1

The thing is, I'm about to buy a 3 bed maisonette, and I could really use his help with the bills. He was going to move into one of the spare rooms upstairs and pay the energy bills for me.

Is there no way we could just stay friends/roommates so that I don't have to live alone or pay everything on my own?

He's so used to you paying for everything, what makes you think he'll pay now! This is absolutely shocking!!! Girl wake up and smell the coffee please before he ruins your life! We've all been there. Looking back and wishing someone told us!!

You need to end this right now. You're being taken for a right mug.

He isn't the love of your life.. there will be a much better man out there for you who loves you back.
This guy clearly couldn't give a shit. You're not the love of his life, clearly, since he is actively seeking his next gf / hook up.

OP, you can live with other people - invite some friends to move in with you or, even better, advertise on spare room and meet some new women with whom to enjoy your 20s.
Please do not let this arsehole move into the home you've done brilliantly to secure for yourself. See this move as a fresh start: you have some wonderful years ahead of you. Don't let someone who can't make his mind up about you ruin them. It's massively his loss. He's had this chance - many of them! - and he's blown it. Now you move on with dignity and confidence.

although most of our relationship has consisted of us functionally dating while he denies that we’re together.

Why would you stay with a loser who wouldn't even admit he was dating you?

Get him out.

Then do the Freedom Programme do you can avoid deadbeats like him in future.

And why is your mother complicit in all of this?!?

@Thoosa she's 22. Is there any need to be so harsh? I remember being that age and any kind of hectoring like this pushed me closer to the idiot I was dating. Sometimes you need a little kindness to step back and see what you're missing

How's he going to pay the bills if he isn't working and can't even cover his own rent currently? You'd be housing him for free. You could always find a a lodger ( who pays for their rent) if money is tight.
And he'd be bringing girls back too, that's not going to make you relax in your own home.
Seriously, you don't have a responsibility to house him, and your plan to move him in to pay the bills is just ridiculous. He'll use up more energy gaming 24/7, and he won't pay. Are you trying to find a way to keep him in your life? Don't do it.

Kick him out!!!!

Is it just me or is the OP posts all over the place? So much drip feed

You can’t be serious?

im afraid so

BTW, you are doing very well if you can buy a 3 bed property by yourself at 22.

I don’t think bluntness is hectoring TBH @YukoandHiro , no.

what on earth do you do that you are 22 and have £500 left over after a mortgage etc ? Get a lodger if you need more money !

He is a complete user. Stop giving him money towards his rent in your mams house. DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU. You pay for him now, he will not contribute towards your house hold bills.

I know you are saying you don't need a housemate for financial reasons, but with a 3 bed house and £500 per month left over I'd be getting one. Is that £500 after or before bills? It will help you build up a little bit of money for house emergencies, you find there are a lot of unexpected costs when you own the house.

@bibera1

he's all yours, baby

What?

id rather be a helpless rentoid stuck in a 1 bed flat and have a loving bf. god i would give anything for him to actually be decent