Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow it's funny you say that. A couple years ago a few colleagues from London came up to Scotland to do some training with us. They were really shocked how friendly men and women were together . One said he smiled at a woman in their office and was taken to HR which I couldn't believe, but I can totally see where your coming from.

Ok so I feel totally disappointed! Wandered up the high street a little earlier than usual today but saw him walking down the road already with a coffee. He had what looked like work trousers on so maybe busy, or avoiding me as in work clothes or maybe I have imagined the WHOLE DARNED THING and I’m officially a nutjub??

Arrggghhhhh 🤯

Thank you @Pavesi 🙂 got a link at all?? I need help 🤣🤣

The last two times I’ve seen him he’s started sitting at an outside table at my coffee shop so I walk right past him on the way in and there’s been looks etc. Maybe he thought it would be creepy if he did that a third time in a row?? Any thoughts?

To be fair @HowlongWillThisTakeNow if any man approached me even if it was innocent I’d probably be scared or freaked out. I feel sorry for men because on the one hand we want them to make the first move but on the other if they try you would understandably be very worried about the woman’s reaction.
No wonder everyone’s online!!

Marking place!

Another coffee meet on Friday (could this be 3rd time lucky 🤣),

And another flying the flag for the over 50s, although I feel neither old or past it!

@ButterflyOfShay, do you know where he works? It’s not a shop or anywhere you could legitimately manifest an opportunity to chat ?

I have absolutely no idea @Stepcount. I’ve been in every shop in my town and never seen him. He’s either a WFH like me or doesn’t work (doubtful, as he’s buying coffees and cigarettes!). Its a mystery!

@VivaVegas

Marking place!

Another coffee meet on Friday (could this be 3rd time lucky 🤣),

And another flying the flag for the over 50s, although I feel neither old or past it!

@VivaVegas good luck! ❤️

@ButterflyOfShay I’d say it’s probably just a change in schedule and not him purposely hiding from you

With regards to mr sparky yes I did talk to him because it was the first time he’d engaged in an actual conversation since we met and really I just wanted an explanation, he’s still maintained lost phone/missed messages/crossed wires which I don’t think is necessarily true but he did apologise and admit it looked really bad but managed to get him to admit he wasn’t looking for anything serious and had probably come on too strong and made me think otherwise so said I wasn’t interested in talking anymore. Feeling a bit deflated as as I’d said before we just seemed to click and chatting was so easy and seemed genuine which it clearly wasn’t.

Was meant to be meeting sex hippy tonight but wasn’t feeling it and luckily he’s messaged to cancel before I had too

So I’m back to zero

@ButterflyOfShay

Ok so I feel totally disappointed! Wandered up the high street a little earlier than usual today but saw him walking down the road already with a coffee. He had what looked like work trousers on so maybe busy, or avoiding me as in work clothes or maybe I have imagined the WHOLE DARNED THING and I’m officially a nutjub??

Arrggghhhhh 🤯

Maybe there's a risk of overinvesting in strangers IRL as well as when chatting on the apps? Have you looked for a wedding ring?

@WeWantTheFinestWines yep I hear you, who doesn’t over invest though?!?😆 No wedding ring, never seen him with a woman in the last nearly 2 years.

My potential has just said that book clubs have a 'home worky' theme to them 😮

He's never actually been in one though. I said he should try one and find out. 😊

Still it's good he's into reading 😅

Just checking in here.

I think I am violating rule #3 already, by bizarrely being super excited for a lunch date I have just scheduled for next week.

I am put off by most men but somehow immediately felt connected to this guy. I'm trying not to assume too much that my instincts in this regard are to be trusted!

Hello @gelatodipistacchio that’s exciting! Nice to feel that way 😁

gelatodipistacchio
Hey
It’s nice ! Assuming not Italian 😂

who doesn’t over invest though?!?😆 No wedding ring, never seen him with a woman in the last nearly 2 years

To be fair this thread is mainly full of us lot
Over thinking abiut men
And a few men doing similar

I know you don’t want to chase but I’d like a few smiles and fluttered eye lash please

Sorty to come back the next day to thank you all for your comments again but work is manic and I didn'tget a chance to pop on.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I've told Mr K some things about my emotionally abusive marriage and of course he experienced it first hand when my ex slashed a tyre on his vehicle when he stayed with me.
I agree with @Badbaddog that men can understand if they want to. I think what men don't always understand is the mental and emotional impact of that abuse and how it affects us long term. Mr K tries to understand but I don't tell him much about how my marriage still impacts me because that's far to personal to share and fir the most part doesn't impact me. If I do share, like telling how triggered I was on Sunday and why he is always very good and just wants to hug me while I snivel😂

badbaddog I'm not sure I'll ever thaw but I do allow the barriers down very, very slightly. Its the reliance on a man that I can't even consider.

@ButterflyOfShay I'd built it up so much in my head that I was so worried but the reality was so different. Speaking to my counsellor the day before helped as I broke the Sunday down into sections and dissected it all so by the time I saw Mr K I was nearly all cried out and not as emotional.

@ButterflyOfShay When you say Mr Turk was wearing work trousers do you mean office wear, combats, chefs whites, dirty jeans...we might be able to decide his line of work.

I agree that it sounds like change of schedule.

Get yourself back to the coffee shop today and get smiling again. See if you can drop in a Hi

@Stepcount Thanks for your comment. Forgot to name check you in my other post.

When are you seeing Mr V?

@SortingItOut I’m glad you are working through Horrible Sunday so effectively, it all sounds really positive. For clarity, I’m not advocating reliance on a man. God no. Rely on no-one but yourself. I’m just suggesting that if you have a decent man who wants to be emotionally supportive - the big hug while you snivel 😂 - this is something to be enjoyed and valued in the moment, something you can open yourself up to. It doesn’t necessarily have strings attached.

On men understanding abusive relationships, the only close friend I have who has been in one and come out the other side is a man. (Most of my female friends are firmly locked in to continuing their crap marriages until death.) It’s been 5 years now since he got out and he is effectively no further forward. Very sad.

If a guy hasnt asked you out after two years....he is not interested. No matter how many coffees he buys at your shop.Men dont do subtle. I think some folk on here carry on like a mills & boon.
By creating a total fantasy about this man you are potentially letting something real pass you by.

@MrsBerthaRochester Your posts on mumsnet are designed to be provocative, you never have anice word to say about anything.
Not sure what is going on in your life but you sound unhappy.

This thread is a supportive one, we don't tolerate people who are just plain horrible.

@SortingItOut, I’m glad that you found a way through the conversation with Mr K that felt comfortable for you. Whenever I speak to Mr V about stuff I can be sometimes a bit too frank and then do a mini panic and try to reel it back in 😬 neither of us has a temper, we haven’t had any arguments or fall outs, all our discussions are about physical and emotional availability. I saw him last night and it feels like we are in a good place at the moment.

@MrsBerthaRochester I think you always sound incredibly harsh. Are you expecting everyone here to go "This woman has told us this amazing truth!". I don't think you realise your style of communication can come across