Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I lurk and very occasionally post -just do wish I had been on this site last summer when so came out of a long marriage and accidentally started dating without expecting to. Made lots of naive mistakes that I could have avoided if zi had absorbed the wisdom on here!

Eesha
We were discussing this on last thread then it filled up

So does mr music have mental health issues ?

[quote Stayingstrongish]@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers your last comment cracked me up! Perhaps they feel they look better with a mask on?![/quote]
@Stayingstrongish haha maybe 😂😂🤣

I am not currently OLD but I want to get back into it. What apps is there out there ? I haven't done it for a longgg time.

Hi everyone

Another newbie, 31 year old single mum to one! Been wanting to dip into the thread a while but get so overwhelmed by the large amount of comments I've been waiting for a new one!!

I have a couple of people but nobody that I foresee becoming anything long term or serious. Feels like everyone my age is usually single for a good reason!!

@Cece92 I fluctuate between tinder and bumble tbh! It depends on the type of person you're looking for but I feel like these ones are a bit more laid back than paid ones, but also more chance of time wasters I guess.

Checking in, missed most of the last thread as I can't always be relied upon to remain polite 🤐

No updates here, been dating but nothing to report. Stuck between go on as many first dates as you like, you never know how it will work out and hold out for that someone who actually excites you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Okay he is fully gone, blocked, deleted, twat ❌

Now I just need to work on not getting so attached to people early on

Now I just need to work on not getting so attached to people early on

Don’t we all ! It’s all learning for everyone here
I think you said that you were intensely texting the week before the date till midnight ?
Don’t do that again
It creates that boyfriend girlfriend feeling and messes with head before the date xx

Cece92
I like hinge as it’s simple
Free
If you line them they can see
If they like you , you get a like
And you can personalise a bit so much can display your personality

I’m lazy and tend to just review the one that like me first

Tinder was way way too much traffic
And bumble you have to like first which I wouldn’t like

Quickly checking in.

@Thisisworsethananticpated - very amusing ref Baltic thinking you were accidentally calling him another man's name

@ihavetogoshoppingnow very good call to block him

No real news from me - Mr Filthy sporadic messaging, am getting stressed about potentially meeting him tomorrow as I've got a day with our CEO to think about beforehand followed by a visit to a project first thing in the morning... possibly not the best time to be thinking of squeezing in some filth

Also still very much in the 'should I delete all apps and focus on me for the next few months?' camp so heart's not massively in it.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Oh I don’t know , dress for mr filthy - for the CEO meeting

And look at me assuming your CEO is male
Shame on me
I work a very male sector but still
Gah

@Dancerinthemoonlight Thanks for the thread.

Welcome to the newbies 👋

Will be 2.5yrs with Mr K later this week, we might not make it there though...had an incident with DD's ex boyfriend acting psycho (mentiom on the grads thread) which was hugely triggering for me. I reached out to Mr K and didn't get the support I needed. Tonight we're having a chat about it, if the chat doesn't have the right outcome then the relationship can't continue as I need to know he's there for me (which is hard to admit as I pride myself on not needing anyone)

Morning everyone and welcome to the new posters. Good luck with your searches. You'll get lots of moral support along the way.
@SortingItOut, that sounds like a difficult situation with Mr K. I know that ( totally understandably) what happened with DD and her ex BF was very unpleasant and has been something that you can't just put to one side as 'dealt with'. Do you feel able to expand a little on what Mr k isn't doing that is making you feel the need to address it with him ? I completely understand the expectation that he should have your back and by default ,to a degree, that of your DC too. This is an important quality for me. I don't want to be told what to think or do but I need either validation that my reactions are acceptable or to offer an alternative way of looking at things without minimising what's happening. It is not a sign of weakness to expect support from someone you are dating, certainly not after over 2 years in each other's lives.

@ihavetogoshoppingnow, OMG, what is up with effing Mr Sparky ? I can't believe or understand the behaviour of some people online. Did you engage in any conversation with him last night when he reappeared ? Thank goodness he's finally gone now. Hopefully you won't dwell on it. It's situations like this that makes OLD such hard work and so mentally draining.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Mr M had the worst childhood imaginable and was depressed for many years but has done a ton of work on himself to fix this.

We are due to see each other this week after a month. We had a tough conversation yesterday where there was a bit of text miscommunication. I had thought he was managing my expectations about meeting this week and it was the straw that broke the camels back so I let it all out, asking whether he needed a girlfriend at all. The thing is he's genuinely unwell and feeling like shit so I feel like I'm not being understanding however that coupled with no more flirty chats etc made the whole thing feel really dull/boring. Obviously I didn't say the latter. It ended up really upsetting and stressing him out because he says he can't change this. We didn't end up talking in the night due to other stuff and I felt incredibly stressed. Anyway, i slept on it and am going to try and see how this weekend goes. I really like him and vice versa but this illness has really affected us both.

Eesha

Oh dear . It’s ever so hard isn’t it
I dont have the issues anything like he has . And I also have days when I can’t really engage
And I’ve had some irons who also have issues and go offline

I wish you good luck for the weekend
And iron clad boundaries around your own well-being

@Eesha, I think you would both be super human if you weren't affected by not being able to see each other, given that the first few months went so well and you were feeling so positive about him. I think seeing him in person is imperative. Again I would say that these testing times give you an indication of the person that he is, how he's responded to the stress. It may be that this test has come quite early on and there aren't as yet enough miles on the Eesha/Music relationship clock to see you comfortably through. At the weekend it would be nice I'm sure to regain some of the connection and affection that was there in abundance at the start. Try not to hold onto too much fear about what is going to happen with him and the relationship, switch it round and focus on rebuilding things. He also has a responsibility to do this.

@Stepcount @Thisisworsethananticpated thanks guys. I've been a bit all over the place thinking am I being selfish or am I setting myself up for a miserable existence.

Your not selfish
And the miserable existence is a valid question
See how things are this weekend ? X

@Eesha there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with being selfish, if you don’t look out for yourself (and your DC) then who else will? Just remember that you have choices, and no-one would judge you for walking away from a situation that looks like it may end up being a miserable existence for all of you. Devastatingly disappointing as that may be 💐

@SortingItOut you’ve always said you are emotionally unavailable with high barriers. This is always going to be tricky for Mr K to navigate when what you are needing is emotional support, so perhaps that just needs defining. In your (hopefully) face to face chat will you be telling him exactly what it is that you had hoped for from him? A deep, endless hug? Advice? A champion? A defender? Actual empathy?

[quote SortingItOut]@Dancerinthemoonlight Thanks for the thread.

Welcome to the newbies 👋

Will be 2.5yrs with Mr K later this week, we might not make it there though...had an incident with DD's ex boyfriend acting psycho (mentiom on the grads thread) which was hugely triggering for me. I reached out to Mr K and didn't get the support I needed. Tonight we're having a chat about it, if the chat doesn't have the right outcome then the relationship can't continue as I need to know he's there for me (which is hard to admit as I pride myself on not needing anyone)[/quote]
Without trying to sounding rude, it a bit like you are setting up Mr K for a fall, you normally say you don’t need emotional support, but now he needs to step up ?

SortingItOut

I don’t think people can always help with highly triggering situation
The trigger infers that it’s something very personal and specific to you , and it made you react very negatively
Obviously he needs to be kind
But I agree don’t necessarily discount him on this as actually many people struggle to support humans in such a scenario
I agree with what babbadog said x