Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Can i join too please? Just started OLD and i'm meeting someone at the weekend and i'm massively over the top nervous. We get along really well on text but i'm nervous about what he'll think of me, what i'll think of him etc. Is there any advice for not getting too over invested too soon and pre "date" nerves!? Heeelp!!

I wish dating followed the same procedures as how we made friends as children. As a child I never had doubts about whether my looks or my personality was good enough. If there was someone who had the same interests and we got on together, you'd just spend time together doing shared interests.
Nor did I ever worry about tidying my room before new friend came round, or whether the dog made the house smell.
Wouldn't that be great if we all still had the attitude of a child.
Instead, I read profiles referring to liking 'good food and wine' and I just despair. It's all so pretentious. Any mention of e.g. 'rioja', or pics of him on a yacht and I just think I'm on the wrong planet.

Arghhhh. Mr M's child who he was with all weekend has just tested positive for Covid so likely he might get it too.

Ooof @Eesha, that’s bad luck indeed! I really hope he doesn’t get it. Will you still see him if he does have it?

@Badbaddog I've said we can postpone but he said to see if he actually gets it. Sigh.

MincedMalbec welcome to the thread. What you have is a date zero. That's not really a date. It's an opportunity to see if you like him and would like to go on an actual date with him. Texting can get very involved so you're doing the right thing meeting quickly before you get invested in a virtual thing with someone you don't know.

You're checking him out and deciding whether he's a possibility. You have no control over what he thinks about you so no need to worry about that. Good luck!

[quote Eesha]@Badbaddog I've said we can postpone but he said to see if he actually gets it. Sigh.[/quote]

He may not get it. I've been around people with Covid and people who've been around people with Covid and never got it. Fingers crossed you manage to meet up.

Same here. Given how stressed this pause has made you @Eesha, I would fight pretty hard to get the meet-up in

Thanks everyone for comments about Mr K.
I'm aware he has not done anything wrong as such, he is a very rational/logical person so when I was panicking about the ex boyfriend breaking into my house Mr K was saying things like 'why would he do that?','what would he gain?'. I tried to say logic doesn't apply to people who have gone slightly psycho but he kept trying to reassure me by asking the questions.
What I needed was for him to say 'there, there' or to come to my house (he is 15mins away) but he didn't and I didn't ask.

Mr K doesn't understand abusive relationships so doesn't understand triggering. He's very much get on with things and not let it affect you in the future.

I'm going to listen to his view on it and go from there.

SortingItOut

Men will never understand abusive relationships and the male role in this
I don’t sometimes think they even want to
I’ve given up trying to explain , but manage red flags and boundaries very carefully

@Eesha What bad news, just as you were planning your meet.

I've had Covid twice, the first time my children didnt get it even though I live in a small house.
The second time my daughter had it but not sure who gave it to who.

Fingers crossed he doesn't catch it.

@SortingItOut, FWIW I think Mr V might well react as Mr K is, trying to rationalise things, mostly as a form of reassurance. Do you want Mr K to be emotionally invested in you ? Not sure if that’s a silly question but it seems that one of the recurrent things that you share is projecting that you want independence but feel short changed when Mr K doesn’t get more involved. Would it be worth explaining to Mr K, to a level that you are comfortable with , where these triggers emanate from? And what you need from him.

@Eesha, oh no, that is terrible timing. Has Mr M been having contact with his DC whilst he’s been unwell? Are there actually any rules left now about not seeing someone whilst they have Covid ? Let’s hope that he doesn’t get it as he’s already under the weather.

I don't have much of an update.
I had a great date with a local iron 10 days ago. He went quiet for 36 hours so I thought I was being ghosted but then he messaged we agreed to date number 2 today and he vanished from Saturday until 3pm today when he messaged about something else so I asked if tonight was still on. Read and no response - think he is just breadcrumbing me at this point and that I won't actually see him again. It's frustrating as I thought we got on well and it was the best date I have had. I don't understand men and wish he would have the balls to say no I don't want to see you

@Stepcount yes he had them this weekend. I had it in late January. I think if I'm frustrated, I end up looking like a shit person! Hopefully he doesn't get it but I'm not hopeful. Imagine dating someone you can't see in a month plus. I'm really feeling sorry for myself now!

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Thanks, you’re quite right!! Even a week is hard not to invest, I think I need better distractions!! Well fingers crossed he’s worth the energy even if it’s as a new friend!

@Eesha, I really feel for you, this has been a horrible run of bad luck. The positives are that he’s staying in touch and expressing his frustration with the situation. Let’s hope that he doesn’t test positive and feels well enough to see you this weekend. It’s going to continue feeling like you are in limbo until you can actually get back together in person. The waiting can feel never ending though.

Hey all,

I’ve got my first date this week. First date following quite an emotionally abusive relationship so I’m a little nervous, but looking forward to it and going to take it for what it is.
No nickname yet but will give you an update following the date and hopefully he’ll have one by then!

Any tips from you experienced daters are more than welcome.

What dates does everyone else have lined up for this week?

No dates for me. Feel literally emotionally drained and bashed from the one I met last Thursday. He was so intense, wanted to see me Friday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...........then slow to text, then cancelled a date Sunday...... then gone........... lesson very very learnt!!

@Dancerinthemoonlight
I’m sort of feeling the same about breadcrumbs from Ms Horse, the communication from her is quite sporadic, she never seems to communicate until I poke her (not literally of course), just all feels a bit flat,
We are supposed to be meeting up Friday, if I’m still not feeling it afterwards I might pull the plug 🔌

@howlongwillthistakenow it's very frustrating. I'd sooner just know if he actually wants to see me and the rubbish communication has just been because of his night shifts for the past week and he can't text while working due to the nature of his work or if its just breadcrumbs and enough to keep me interested.

I'm on the apps and still swiping but no other dates arranged yet

@Pavesi good luck, let us know how it goes!

I’m seeing my Mr Beard tomorrow and then going out with some work friends of his at the weekend. Being dating a few months, met via OLD. Feel lucky as so far it’s still going well

@Dancerinthemoonlight I wouldn't be happy if I had a date and he ignored me for almost 2 days. That's weird if it was a good date he be texting yoy none stop. If he had something urgent then a message to let you know doesn't hurt.

Dancerinthemoonlight
Boiledcabbages

I’m sorry abiut the flaky ones
I had one like that he’d go very silent and then pop up , and he always did

I actually think he liked me but the lack of comms drive me crazy

Eesha
Covid can be added to list of inevitables now (death , tax , covid) but it’s very disappointing