Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote Eesha]@ibelieveinmirrorballs 5 stone is bloody amazing. I've lost about 4kg in the last two weeks pretty much because I've been busy and lost a lot of interest in eating. I have about 6kg to go at least to get back to my pre dating weight when I actually felt half decent! I'll look into keto. Is it very hard?[/quote]
It starts to feel doable once you've lost a bit, doesn't it? I think with keto (for me anyway) you need a complete mindset shift in that you have to really get into thinking that sugar and flour/gluten/carby food makes you feel worse. I feel much more liberated from the desire to snack and overeat when I cut out sugar and anything made with flour. Basically anything I tend to overeat compulsively I steer clear of.

I also stopped drinking a few years ago and that has made a massive difference to my health and life overall. I no longer feel like I'm swinging between "good periods" and "life slightly unravelling I'll do what I want" periods

@Thisisworsethananticpated

anotherdisaster

Hinge is my favourite app
It’s very simple
You set your range
People set theirs
If they like you you can either like back or not
If you like them they can either accept or not

It’s quieter than tinder (way quieter )
But busier at weekend and in my opinion better quality
You can also show your personality via the prompts

So funny re Hinge, I also never got on with it and hated the pressure to say something interesting in response to frankly, rarely interesting photos.

My favourites are Feeld (for frankness) and OKCupid (probably for the same reason). I think you do still get people on there looking for love/relationships, but everyone's just a lot more open.

@arghwhataminefield

Hi all, I've been following this from afar, but could do with some opinions and advice please! I've been single for approx 10 months after a 10 year relationship. I've dipped my toe in to OLD, have been talking to one guy for approx 2 months. We went on our first date after 10 days, which went really well, had a kiss, and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. But since then this second date hasn't materialised - he shares childcare with his ex and his work means he does crazy hours each day and doesn't work set hours. Although I'm sure he could find time if he wanted to.

These last few weeks contact has reduced massively from his side - I've called him out on it twice (once asking if he just wanted to be penfriends, I just got a roll-eye emoji response, and then asking him if he was still interested, he said he was). But we're at the stage now of a good morning message when he wakes up for work (4am), I reply when I wake up, and then I'm lucky if I get a message when he finishes work (9pm) and he's in bed. Some days I get nothing.

As disappointed and gutted as I am, as I really liked him, I need more effort than this (AIBU so early on?) and so for my sanity I need to call it off as I feel I'm wasting my time and my interest in him is stopping me getting back on the apps. Do I just let it peter out and stop replying (not that we talk much anymore anyway!) or do I send him a message telling him I'm done? I don't want to come across as too intense when we've only actually met once, but the early messages were very much how much he liked me and could see this going somewhere etc and for the first 5-6 weeks we spoke every day, throughout the day without fail.
Ideally I'd like to send him the message and him think "Shit, I've got to make more of an effort", and send me a grovelling apology, but I appreciate that's very unlikely to happen otherwise we wouldn't be in this situation.
Sorry for the essay, I get the impression my RL friends are bored of me asking for their advice! Xx

I would stop contacting him, for sure.

I mean - you can ask him if he wants to be pen friends all you like, the bottom line is you ARE pen friends. I would say there's very little likelihood he would ever respond to this saying "yes, I do! I do just want to be pen friends!" - he will say or respond in a way that gets him what he wants, which is to continue to offer you very little.

Bottom line is, who on earth is interested in having this sort of communication when the whole idea is to get to know someone and form a connection?

I think the strong response here is to message and say why don't we leave things for now as this level of contact isn't working for me, if things change for you get back in touch but in the meantime wish you well... kind of thing. And then personally I would delete his number and the chat (it's the way I do things ) and move on. If he keeps contacting you with mealy-mouthed breadcrumbs then block. Other option is you get the response you might hope for and he ups his game - but I would suggest that is not particularly likely.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Why did you delete the number and chat ! I do that too .
What are we all like hey , jaysus
I’m the same a bit
gelatodipistacchio , keep breathing too !! It’s mind over matter

Same for you both your irons sound decent
The issue is managing our heads isn’t it

Balkan stayed last night . He said this is the first time he’s stayed over at a woman’s house since he split with his ex !

Indeed - jaysus

We had a good video chat Thursday and said we'd speak soon.. he's gone back to Devon yesterday evening and we had a few messages back and forth but initiated by me (video call from him Thurs). I delete chats when I start to feel like I'm overthinking things and want to step away from it. Ultimately he's a young fellow-me-lad I've met once FFS... also we had a great time and I'm a great catch... and I hate worming myself into a position where mentally I start feeling like the underdog - fuck that. He should be chasing me if he wants to see me again, we should both be keen and it should be easy. I feel like I'm always very straight forward about things and definitely need someone to be the same - if he's straight forward I'll soon find out. Bloody overthinking brain of mine...

ibelieveinmirrorballs

We all do it
Hence the existence of this thread
I wonder if it’s the hot sex you had ?

arghwhataminefield

The time you lose being pen friends could be major
And yes you could be on the apps and finding some spunky fella who wants to see you
I don’t regret my penfriend as he got me sexual again
But he was overseas !
It’s a no for me (if you want my vote !)

Thanks @ibelieveinmirrorballs and @Thisisworsethananticpated, you have both said what I would be saying to someone else in this situation, I just don't want to believe it. It's 100% a case of listen to his actions, not his words. But recently even his words haven't been that frequent 🤣. I'm conscious of coming across too intense and him thinking, "bloody hell I barely know you...", but then ultimately who cares if I get embarrassed as I'm unlikely to see him again. I've been reading up on breadcrumbing, and this is 100% him. I've just gone along with it as I've taken any contact to be better than no contact. I need to get some self-respect and get rid xx

Hi 👋🏻 everyone
I've had a bit of a break due to Covid and seeing elders and travelling halfway across the continent and having a massive blow up with MrD which some lovely friends from this thread helped me to sort out.
I've RTFT and am now exhausted 🤪
Welcome newbies @arghwhataminefield @anotherdisaster @Moopyhereagain @bathsh3ba and others I have undoubtedly missed out
Hi 👋🏻 oldies
@Eesha @WeWantTheFinestWines @ButterflyOfShay @SortingItOut @Stepcount
@HowlongWillThisTakeNow and everyone else
MrD and I are still on, god knows how but the mysteries of love and life are many ...
hope everyone has a lovely weekend

[quote Eesha]@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I would personally see how things go if you like her enough. She sounds like shes giving you the time she can.[/quote]
Thanks, you are right of course, she actually has more free time than I have, but when she’s free l’m working and vice versa, this is a new situation for me.

‘Oldie”, indeed, yeah it’s true

[quote Eesha]@ibelieveinmirrorballs 5 stone is bloody amazing. I've lost about 4kg in the last two weeks pretty much because I've been busy and lost a lot of interest in eating. I have about 6kg to go at least to get back to my pre dating weight when I actually felt half decent! I'll look into keto. Is it very hard?[/quote]
There's a great series of dieting threads on here. I followed the keto one for a bit after Christmas, they had some great recipes and shopping lists. Maybe mix and match keto for a bit and see how you go? I couldn't do it completely as I'm also trying to cut down all meat and dairy. Any non alcohol periods are useful too as that's often just sugar cravings

Lovely to see you again, @BelladiMamma 💋

Not a sausage on Hinge atm. Started talking with a guy last night, but just had to unmatch with him as the conversation was getting really boring. He was one of those 'how's your weekend?' types. 😳

but just had to unmatch with him as the conversation was getting really boring. He was one of those 'how's your weekend?' types. 😳

lol - were you chatting to me 😂😂

Oh my god! Guess who I've just seen on Hinge....

Only Mr Gambit. I cannot believe it.

He's trying to make himself sound all datable, when we all know that he doesn't have time for dating. It's ridiculous.

He talks to people when HE wants to. And woe betide anyone who actually tries to get him to go out on a date.

I think they should make one of those board games out of it, actually. Whoever's playing can follow him though local landmarks (as well as his school, obvs) with the aim of him going on a date with you, and if you get him to go to the little coffee house, you've won the game ❤️ 😂😂🤣

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

but just had to unmatch with him as the conversation was getting really boring. He was one of those 'how's your weekend?' types. 😳

lol - were you chatting to me 😂😂

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow you'd be more interesting than he was 😂😂🤣

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

Oh my god! Guess who I've just seen on Hinge....

Only Mr Gambit. I cannot believe it.

He's trying to make himself sound all datable, when we all know that he doesn't have time for dating. It's ridiculous.

He talks to people when HE wants to. And woe betide anyone who actually tries to get him to go out on a date.

I think they should make one of those board games out of it, actually. Whoever's playing can follow him though local landmarks (as well as his school, obvs) with the aim of him going on a date with you, and if you get him to go to the little coffee house, you've won the game ❤️ 😂😂🤣

My goodness how do we know we are in this game? Coz I really might be 🤔

Had a Date 1 with Mr Brass today, who I wasn’t really feeling after date 0- but was surprised to really enjoy his company, a walk and lunch. he then messaged ‘when are we doing again.’ Not sure I overtly fancy him but I could see it developing.. chemistry is a weird thing. Think need alcohol next time to see

@Moopyhereagain sorry. He's my ex iron who didn't want to date. I enjoy making jokes about him occasionally 😂😂🤣

Glad to hear you had a good time with Mr Brass. ❤️

New thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4525936-Dating-Thread-227-Stepping-Into-Summer?watched=1

So, I had deleted Hinge, but got a notification through email to say someone had liked me. We'll call him Mr Essex. We chatted quite alot and had a phone call. He is really attractive, and easy to talk to, but hoping to meet in person soon.
Mr Brown eyes and I have been chatting for about 2 weeks. He is a nightmare to pin down, and I don't feel like we are getting anywhere. He said he's a really busy person, and that's just fed into my insecurities. So think this is a dead end. He is unbelievable good looking though.
Mr Young and I met for a walk. He's lovely, lived nearby and really sweet. Not sure if I am massively attracted to him, and he's away for the next two weeks. So will see how I feel.
I wish i could skip all of this and just find Mr Right!!

@Itsthejourney Come and join us on the new thread, link posted just above your post.

If only Mr Right could just fall right in our laps without any effort....but then we wouldn't have this great thread and all the people on it.