Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote Eesha]@ibelieveinmirrorballs you're very right, with Mr M we talked for ages just generally and it was lovely. I likened it to chatting before bed but living apart. But really I never saw how he dealt with life/big situations at the time. He's very much someone who does things alone as he's been alone for so long. So actually I was just an observer looking into his life towards the end. I wonder if I could have changed things really but perhaps I should have walked when I heard about his traumatic background etc. I rarely ever find anyone I connect with super well so I guess when I do, then it all happens fast. I might just rethink that and keep my distance.[/quote]
Hi Eesha. That Fleabag clip got to me..! One of the things I've noticed about the men who are quick to incorporate you in their lives to that extent is that they can also be quick to disappear too when/if the going gets tough. And I think we can bob along with it thinking that their time investment means something significant, whereas to them although it DOES mean something, it doesn't give it the solid foundation we think it's building as time goes on. Then we can feel completely disoriented when it's taken away.

As someone who is quick to let someone into their life in this way, it is very hard for me to resist it, and to recognise that although I may want it in the moment, I'm actually slightly ignoring boundaries that protect myself further down the line, in case things go wrong.

I hope you are doing okay, and that the days will become brighter soon. I found writing lists of reasons why this was a good thing helpful, and writing in general my feelings about the situation, and of course talking to friends who lent a generous ear. It was hard for me to hear them saying anything negative about Mr M because I did and still do think he's very lovely, but that he was 'just' emotionally unavailable. They think slightly differently about it and over time I've been able to see that it wasn't good enough for me for many reasons.

[quote HowlongWillThisTakeNow]@Badbaddog
We were having a slightly flirty, exchange of messages, and I’ve hurt my back a bit, so was hoping for some kind of slightly risqué picture, and she a picture of a blanket, will have to just take some ibuprofen and go to bed early instead[/quote]
I guess you and Miss H are in a relationship now so asking for wank fodder images is par for the course, and maybe it’s something she and you have done before. So fine. I must admit the turn of phrase gave me the ick massively, but then I’ve made it clear to anyone I’ve dated that ‘sexy pics’ are a big fat no from me. Taking them doesn’t turn me on, so why should I do it just to turn someone else on?

You’d have got a lot worse than a blanket pic from me!

But I hope your back’s a bit better.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Basically I need someone a little bit fucked up But the same or close as me

I’m a bit fkd up in quite s lit of ways and bond best with the opposite, I like stable steady men, the opposite to me 🙂 had my best relationships with those kind of men.. men like me completely put me off, I’m drawn to calm mellow types thankfully 😅

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I've been reading the Mr Unavailable book

I remember Mr Bump, Mr Tickle, Mr Happy, but not Mr Unavailable, is he a new one ?

There is a unique place here for you @HowlongWillThisTakeNow 😄 also hope your back gets better soon!!

Funnily enough I bought Mr Tickle carex soap yesterday. I love their funny soaps 😂 the 🦄 one is the best though!

Hugs @Eesha…. Hope you start feeling a bit better soon… 3 month wonders can be the most painful! Worse than long term things ending sometimes xx

@Eesha I think you need someone who’s more of a fighter, has been through trauma but used that to make him stronger and better equipped for life. Going through trauma doesn’t always leave someone in the gutter for the rest of their life. Some people use the pain to push forward. He wasnt the right one for you x

ButterflyOfShay
Any mr turk sightings !?

I’m off for my Botox
This maintenance is a schlep and a half !
But feel so much fresher of face

Has anyone watched the woman sex documentary on Netflix ?
It’s quite interesting and explains a lot actually

@Badbaddog
I would definitely have sent a hot water bottle pic to ‘keep me warm’ all about context I guess…
One of my irons send me a voice clip of him singing last night, I mean he was quite good but I got a big cringe about it.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

Hajajaja !
It’s such hard work to do sexy photos
I can’t just take one (as men do )
Have to get the ambience right , lighting , tanning oil , shave , then edit the photo

So not bothering this time around

@Badbaddog
To be fair, of the 2 of us, I’m normally the cold one, so her warming me up is a bit of a joke

@ButterflyOfShay thanks ( I think? )

@Thisisworsethananticpated ooooh botox I want! My wrinkly forehead needs it! Have you had it before??

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I 100% meant it nicely 😁😁

Oh and so I didn’t see Turk for 2 weeks, then the last couple of days seen him but I’ve kinda lost interest to be honest. Absolute zero on the iron front for me as I refuse to ever go on an app again so will leave it to fate the fairies and universal energy if their intention is to bring anyone into my life. Can’t believe it’s so hard to meet anyone. But it is!!

I always think a ‘warm’ pic (lol) is one of those things where you absolutely have to be feeling in your best place to do it or you’ll be disappointed with the result 🙂

ButterflyOfShay
You’ve gone off him !?

How old are you ? I’ve only started having it done since 2020 - I’m a fan . My forehead is smooth and in general I get told I look young (ish) for my age
I’m a fan
I know it’s a bit ethically iffy but my rationale is it makes me more confident

What the documentary called @Thisisworsethananticpated? I love watching them kinda things 🙂

@Thisisworsethananticpated I’ve not gone off him as such but the interest has kinda gone cos it’s not like he’s thrown me any glances, it feels like he’s not noticed me but he must have.
I’m 40 but taurean so have the wrinkly forehead that taureans can do 😂😂

Maybe it’s your ovulation cycle butterfly
Or maybe he’s having a bad week
I’ll post it later as can’t find remote

It’s just so weird as I'm sure i didnt imagine all the times before I’ve sensed a something there, but anyway it is what it is I've written it off really, if he wants to spark anything up again he can 😬

I’m off to Ibiza in May anyway so will be hoping there’ll be some hotness about 😅

Oooh @Thisisworsethananticpated I've not been sure about botox although have had profhilo recently... my first 'thing' like that.

Had my first video call with new iron yesterday, will call him Mr Ginger, and now really looking forward to our meet which may be tomorrow evening. He seems really very nice - fingers crossed. Have to take my own advice which is to not get over-invested, over-excited, etc etc.

will call him Mr Ginger

Was that a character in Reservoir Dogs ?

@growingweeble

May I join please? Widowed 3+ years ago followed by a very serious and wonderful (but fatally flawed) relationship. Now single again and have joined OLD. Really struggling to find anyone interesting on them though. Been on two uninteresting dates and rejected the entirety of the rest so far. In the meantime I’ve been set up with a friend of a friend. He lives fairly far away and made clear from the start he doesnt want to get involved because of the distance and lack of options for progressing things. But, then I proposed a casual no strings FWB type arrangement and (stereotypically) he was very keen on that. So that is where we are but our time together was wonderful and I can’t help but hope he does want to try a relationship. I will call him Mr Shoulders (they are lovely!). My plan is to keep on OLD looking for a decent local iron but keep Mr Shoulders for as long as it works for us both for the odd fun night away. High risk however that I get too keen on Mr Shoulders and end up hurt when he keeps to his word that he doesn’t want anything serious with me and overlooking OLD options. Girls, pls help keep me to the plan!

Welcome weeble! Only one bit of advice from me - listen to his words, not his actions. However lovely he is when you're together, if he says he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship. So have fun, but don't catch feels. Good luck!

ButterflyOfShay
It’s called The principles of pleasure on Netflix

Try and watch before Ibiza
Would you consider a fling there ? Your age or younger ?

ibelieveinmirrorballs
Tomorrow evening ! Fast work
Good luck , good to get them out of the way fast I say especially if you like the sound of him

I only had the Botox as it’s an old family friend that does it , also a nurse and she’s doing a nice job
But I’m quite liking it now , but also doing a lot
More skin care , self care , yoga , waxing , eyebrows, yoga, hair care , exercise , pelvic floor, shaving .. I’ll stop there

That’s a lot reading it !!!