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Original poster

Felt humiliated straight after sex

324 replies

supersonicspider · 13/03/2022 07:35

DH and I have been having problems and are doing marriage counselling. Sex has been off the cards for a while because I've not wanted to be intimate if we've been bickering, low libido due to recently starting antidepressants and intercourse can become painful after around 45 minutes due to scarring.
I agreed to try to be more intimate so last Saturday morning, a kiss and a cuddle in bed led to sex. Kids downstairs watching tv which puts me slightly on edge.
DH knows I don't want sex to go on for too long because of pain and risk of kids disturbing us. DH loves long, slow sex so we're slightly incompatible these days with that regard. Before second child came along, sex was still amazing.
Anyway... about half an hour into it, we switch to doggy style. He wants me to talk dirty which we sometimes do when we've had a glass of wine and it's at night. This however was morning, bright sunshine coming through skylights with me saying "fuck me, I want you to fuck me" I'm trying to do what he likes but did feel a bit silly and self conscious.
After another 10 minutes or so, I stop and lay down... it's become painful and he has spat on his cock a few times which I find gross. He said he'd buy some lube which he never did.
We've been together 20 years by the way and in early 40s. Sex was always amazing before things started to feel rocky within our marriage, hence the counselling.
DH gets straight out of bed saying that he couldn't climax because I didn't look like I was enjoying it, I was being too quiet and then he imitated me by pulling a grimacing sex face, saying that's what I looked like. I felt really embarrassed and said I'm sorry but I just became too painful and I thought he was going to get some lube. I also said that I thought he understood that I can't have sex for ages these days but apparently he was expecting a sex marathon that morning. He made me feel embarrassed and humiliated as he left me in bed to go into the en-suite bathroom to shower (and presumably to finish himself off). I felt upset because I'd tried and my vagina was hurting. I'd had my not so skinny arse in the air at him in broad daylight just moments before and he did a horrible impression of me? This was last weekend and now the thought of having sex with him again is not good.
I don't know how we're going to get back on track. Sex is a vital for him but not for me.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 13/03/2022 10:09

I think he’s really warped your perception of what normal sex is. 45 min of piv is going to be painful for any woman.

BigOlDingleSlinger69 · 13/03/2022 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

DrSbaitso · 13/03/2022 10:09

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@DrSbaitso

I won’t be drawn into your bitterness and projection and personal insults but since your talking about lack of sexual experiences, you are the one who isn’t even aware of spit being used as lubrication. It’s a very very common thing.[/quote]
And you don't seem to be aware of how to make a woman wet by other means. So, TexBigBollocks or whatever phallic name you've chosen... is it true about the talking ones? Isn't spitting a bit of an electrical hazard with the voice box?

lapsat · 13/03/2022 10:09

What on earth is a man with the sort of username which induces cringe, doing on mumsnet at 10am on a Sunday morning? telling women they should shut up and take it? What's he doing? One handed typing. The other hand on his mini dicky. Ignore the wankr.

RogueV · 13/03/2022 10:09

Wow sounds like a really long time for penetrative sex! I would be sore too! It’s him not you OP

Rosehugger · 13/03/2022 10:09

No wonder you get sore - 45 minutes? Who could be arsed.

DrSbaitso · 13/03/2022 10:11

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@NerrSnerr

Most women ime arent weird about it and find it a larf. It’s not a usual thing - just if it’s needed say for a real quickie in the spur of the moment.

I’ve even heard it talked about openly at work as well and it was chuckles all round from both sexes.

Only on Mumsnet![/quote]
Oh my God. You actually talk about this at work and you think everyone, male and female, thinks it's just so hilarious and not remotely creepy or inappropriate.

Folks, we have a live on here. Even the other penis-named users I've known since 2005 who used the Internet to correct women about sex knew better than this. It's like they're evolving in the wrong direction.

lapsat · 13/03/2022 10:12

The 45 mins thing is caused by porn induced death grip. LTB. There are plenty of men out there who will want to make love to you, not abuse you while the kids are in earshot.

AngelinaFibres · 13/03/2022 10:12

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@DrSbaitso

I won’t be drawn into your bitterness and projection and personal insults but since your talking about lack of sexual experiences, you are the one who isn’t even aware of spit being used as lubrication. It’s a very very common thing.[/quote]
Mainly when your only sexual partner is your own hand.

Gowithme · 13/03/2022 10:12

That is grim OP, I wouldn't be having 45 minutes of PIV with Brad Pitt let alone that selfish bastard. He doesn't want a loving, caring sex life that's wonderful for both of you, he wants a porn star to fuck long and hard.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 13/03/2022 10:12

He is being horrible.

I have vaginismus and find penetrative sex very painful. Not once has DH ever been horrible about it or kept going if I was in pain

Blossomtoes · 13/03/2022 10:14

My eyebrows shot into my hair when I saw 45 minutes. Quite apart from being incredibly sore, I’d be bored out of my mind long before 45 minutes.

No, he’d have pissed on his chips with me, no more sex ever lube or no lube.

SeenYourArse · 13/03/2022 10:14

I feel REALLY sorry for your kids do you really think they didn’t know exactly what was going on upstairs? It’s not appropriate to have sex in that situation at all if you know it won’t be a silent quickie, the fact that he wanted you to make more noise? Disgusting pig, wanting his kids to hear that is absolutely vile. He sounds absolutely horrible and if I were you the marriage would be over.

inheritancetrack · 13/03/2022 10:15

He sounds awful. No wonder you are not interested in sex with him. He sounds very like a sex by numbers kind of man.

JemInher40s · 13/03/2022 10:16

@JemInher40s

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate to the long sex sessions, 30- 40 mins off straight penetration in my opinion is too long. In my case if I'm not feeling it I just stop, or might go limp. However, as other posters have stated the issue is your partner being inconsiderate of your pain. I hope you can resolve the situation.
*HE might go limp.
inheritancetrack · 13/03/2022 10:16

I would simply buy the lube for my own comfort, not for his.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 13/03/2022 10:16

Pmsl at the man on here thinking it’s normal for spit to be used as lube. Clearly he’s never managed to get a woman wet any other way.

And nah, really not believing this was a workplace convo. Any workplace Ive worked in, if any creep started this type of convo HR would be escorting them out the building quick smart

Baaaa · 13/03/2022 10:17

No one should put up with pain and spitting and mocking just because their partner wants them to.

Nanny0gg · 13/03/2022 10:18

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@supersonicspider

This is a woman’s site OP (and those that congregate here tend to be even far more inclined to take that side than those irl) so your going to get a lot of answers shitting all over him and playing into your feelings - BUT, you won’t get many explaining his.
You’ve made him feel unwanted, probably thinks is inevitable you’ll continue to lose attraction until divorce (as so many do) aren’t willing to try to work on things - being indignant at the idea of buying lube shows this - and aren’t into and won’t try to get into sex. Obviously he’s going to find it hard to finish under those circumstances and he stopped once he thought you were uncomfortable.

Yes he made you feel insulted, but you also made him feel insulted because it’s clear you aren’t interested in sex with him and are basically just grimacing through it because you don’t like him. If you can’t even be bothered to buy lube what is there to say? Your sex life with him is over by your choice.[/quote]
She was grimacing because it bloody hurt!

But she has to put up with that for his pleasure?

45 mins of PiV sex which hurts. Where did he try and pleasure her? If you know your partner is a bit reluctant but wants to try, don't you do everything you can to make it mutually enjoyable?

And to be so vile when he didn't get his rocks off is unforgiveable.

He was treating her like a blow up doll.

Blossomtoes · 13/03/2022 10:18

@inheritancetrack

I would simply buy the lube for my own comfort, not for his.
You’d still have sex with him? Seriously?
Gowithme · 13/03/2022 10:18

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@NerrSnerr

Most women ime arent weird about it and find it a larf. It’s not a usual thing - just if it’s needed say for a real quickie in the spur of the moment.

I’ve even heard it talked about openly at work as well and it was chuckles all round from both sexes.

Only on Mumsnet![/quote]
I think you're 15 and when you say 'work' and 'both sexes' what you actually mean is 'school' and 'the lads'. There literally is no other explanation. Now run along and do your homework, GCSE's are fast approaching.

DrSbaitso · 13/03/2022 10:18

God, this is amazing.

OP: My husband spits on his knob instead of using lube. I hate it.

Five pages of posters: Ugh, that's horrible.

BiggusDickus: No! Women don't mind! I've never heard a woman complain about it, even after I inflate her really well! All teenage boys do it and if that's not proof that it's a sign of skilled and seductive lovemaking then what is? Women don't mind!

Posters: The women on here are telling you they mind.

BiggusDickus: No! It's not true! I have conversations about this at work and everyone says how true and funny it is!

Nanny0gg · 13/03/2022 10:19

@BigOlDingleSlinger69

The other thing is in the middle of the day with the kids downstairs is a bad time to have sex and especially if your not feeling it but hoping to get in the mood. If you can get the kids out the house or at least to bed, night would be much better. Maybe after a glass of wine or two (even leave it by the bed) or a doober if you do that.

It’s hard for anyone with kids screaming downstairs who could yell out to you at any moment.

Didn't bother her husband though did it?

You're telling the OP what she already knows,

MsGoodenough · 13/03/2022 10:20

I can't imagine any woman enjoying 45 minutes of piv sex. Is he doing anything to stimulate you and give you pleasure during this time? He sounds horrible.

Baaaa · 13/03/2022 10:21

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@NerrSnerr

Most women ime arent weird about it and find it a larf. It’s not a usual thing - just if it’s needed say for a real quickie in the spur of the moment.

I’ve even heard it talked about openly at work as well and it was chuckles all round from both sexes.

Only on Mumsnet![/quote]
Where the fuck do you work?! You'd be fired for security harassment if you tried to discuss that with people in my office.

And thanks for telling us all how we should feel. Glad we had a man to tell us.

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