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Relationships

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Original poster

Financially irresponsible man?

191 replies

Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 20:31

I've been going out with a really nice bloke, it's coming up to a year now of meeting but been exclusive for about 8 months.

He's always been honest about the fact that he has 'no money' as he is in the process of trying to launch a business (what seems like extremely slowly) but thing is, in the mean time it seems he is just not paying his bills and living on mounting credit.

There was an incident a few months ago when a bailiff knocked on the door and he was forced then to sort of come clean about his money issues but thing is he still hasn't earned any money at all and in my opinion hasn't really made steps to find an income.

He made a comment the other day that he'll just go stacking shelves if needed, good for you I thought, go on then. But nothing.

He has not brought in any money in two years now. He left his well paid full time job when covid hit in a 'now or never' sort of way as his job wouldn't furlough him so he just quit, he already had the business idea but it is a tech based start up so in need of £ investment before he can actually make it.

I asked him a few months ago how he was living and he said 'just savings'. I know this not to be the case though. He gets some UC but for a single person it is hardly any, it wouldn't cover his rent alone per month.

I think he might be taking money out of his business account per month to buy food etc, he has some individual investors who have put money in early doors before the business is launched. Is this even allowed? I'm not self employed myself but I know SO many people who are. But all of them started their businesses on their own from scratch and made sure they were off the ground before leaving paid employment.

I'm wondering if this guy is just burying his head in the sand or is this sort of thing normal pre launching a business? Is there usually a period of years before any income is generated?

I like him a lot but as we approach the year mark I wonder if there is any future for us together long term. I've made some bad financial decisions in the past regarding partners which is one of the reasons I still don't own a house so I'm really wary at the moment. For instance I couldn't imagine a world we could ever live together as I don't want to financially link to someone with bad credit not to mention not bringing money in.

For context. I'm a single mum. Work full time long hours, not a high earner but average full time wage (public sector). Zero assets and just about covering my bills.

OP posts:

icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:43

Come on, you really think there will be a launch?! He's living in a dreamland! And you've fallen for it by the sounds of it. He's earned NOTHING in two years (probably longer!)

Original poster

Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:44

Yes know all friends and family and have no doubt about any of other backstory previous life/jobs any of that. He's very loved and respected by them all and has always wanted to start his own thing.
They think it's great what he's doing and are extremely patient to the point I think they must know something I don't as they hq

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2022 23:44

I'm astounded and horrified that you've actually wasted this much time on this loser. What are you thinking? Give your head a wobble and bin this liar off.

HollowTalk · 12/03/2022 23:44

@Stealmyheart

He wants to launch it in one area first and then expand that is part of the plan. It's something that I've said from day one that he should be careful about posting too much on his social media yet before launch cos yes someone could just nick it.

It's not just having the idea though is it? There aren't that many completely unique ideas. He has to be able to show that he is the best person to run that business. If he is financially irresponsible, what makes him think that he is the best person?

Hawkins001 · 12/03/2022 23:44

@Stealmyheart

I've been going out with a really nice bloke, it's coming up to a year now of meeting but been exclusive for about 8 months.

He made a comment the other day that he'll just go stacking shelves if needed, good for you I thought, go on then. But nothing.

I'm wondering if this guy is just burying his head in the sand or is this sort of thing normal pre launching a business? Is there usually a period of years before any income is generated?

For context. I'm a single mum. Work full time long hours, not a high earner but average full time wage (public sector). Zero assets and just about covering my bills.

Id seek legal advice as to the details, but all the best op

Original poster

Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:45

They believe in him fully.

There isn't any secret assets anywhere that are paying him an income eh rent from a property or anything. He's divorced.

OP posts:

icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:46

You do know you can get housing benefit and that's how he'll be getting his housing paid for, his UC will be his spending money and yes not enough so he's living off credit, not from imaginary investors, the only investors are us taxpayers

Monty27 · 12/03/2022 23:52

OP get real. You'll be spending hard earned money on this guy to the detriment of you and your family's own welfare.
Run a hundred miles. Don't allow him to leach you.

Chatwin · 12/03/2022 23:53

If his business hasn't got anywhere after 2+ years it's not likely to now is it. What's preventing him getting a job and spending his evenings and weekemds on his start up? He isn't demonstrating any kind of drive or ambition to get it going is he?

I wouldn't waste any more time on him.

Savoury · 12/03/2022 23:53

Tech startups is an area where there are a lot of dreamers, cypto is another. So it sounds like he’s spent the initial investment but not got the next round of funding.
The issue is that he has nothing right now: an idea maybe but no software (it doesn’t sound like he’s a developer?), no business etc. In other words, he’s not a great bet for an investor who always want something tangible.
Sorry but he needs to get a job.

icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:54

I doubt there was an initial round of funding to begin with. He can tell you anything - have you seen proof of any external investment into this idea?

Original poster

Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:56

Housing benefit is within UC now. It's just one payment and as a single person the monthly amount is low. It won't even cover his rent payment I know how much his rent is.

To answer above. I've just checked and it is a limited company.

In Jan he has appointed his friend as a director too (I don't think this friend has put any money in)

He's done this incase he goes bankrupt hasn't he.

That way the company isn't instantly dissolved?

Would that mean any personal financial risk to the friend? I like him he's a nice guy.

If he goes personally bankrupt can creditors not take money out the business if there is another director listed?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 12/03/2022 23:56

So these people who have invested already, what percentage of the business do they own? I've seen this a few times on dragons den where someone wants to give away e.g. one percent and it turns out they only own 5% because they gave the rest away for about 50 quid to relatives.

icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:57

If he goes personally bankrupt can creditors not take money out the business if there is another director listed

Erm. What money?

Original poster

Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:59

Yes he needs to get a job! A year ago he said this. I have been saying it lots recently. There's absolutely no reason he can't. He could get a bar job tomorrow. But he used to be well paid so somehow maybe thinks is above it now? I don't know. I'm confused.

I have met the investors or a few of them yes, at an event so I do believe people have put in cash. But we aren't talking millions but in the tens of thousands between six individuals.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stealmyheart · 13/03/2022 00:00

In terms of the percentages of each persons share I don't know and I'd have to trawl companies house but boyfriend still owns most and wants to sell loads more. What a mess

OP posts:

icelolly12 · 13/03/2022 00:03

He can't have much in savings as if you have over 16k you're not entitled to UC. I honestly think he's fed you a pack of lies op

HollowTalk · 13/03/2022 00:05

@Stealmyheart

In terms of the percentages of each persons share I don't know and I'd have to trawl companies house but boyfriend still owns most and wants to sell loads more. What a mess

But say he approached an investor today. They would say so you have given away 10% for example of your business for £10,000. Why are you offering me 10% for £500,000? Doesn't he watch Dragons' Den?! It happens every single episode virtually.

Original poster

Stealmyheart · 13/03/2022 00:11

He definitely has no savings left. Yes, I suspect the 'living off savings' thing was always bollocks as if you had a lump sum of cash sitting enough to live off for two years you'd use it to start the business wouldn't you!

So to be eligible for UC would need to be under 6k for sure. So I've known for a while that he was on UC as a text popped up before Christmas.

I don't know about the investment thing tbh it's not my area. Looks like it isn't his either eh.

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/03/2022 00:12

OP, you're spending hours of your time on this guy. Looking into financial statements. Working out his realistic business model (or lack thereof) vs what he's told you. Being concerned enough to start threads about him. So much time. It cannot be worth it! This cannot seem sensible to you? The red flags are clear. You need to act on them and stop getting drawn into checking all this shit out. Just stop seeing him. You're a kind, sensible person with a kid. You've worked hard to be independent. You are not compatible with him. He is the kind of 'Project' person women waste years trying to fix up. Drop the rope.

Original poster

Stealmyheart · 13/03/2022 00:13

If shit hits the fan and bf goes bankrupt. Can limited business co director friend be harmed by this do you know? He owns a house with his family so I would hate for him to be impacted

OP posts:

icelolly12 · 13/03/2022 00:14

So before the UC text popped up how was he claiming he was surviving? I think he's living off UC and Mum/Dad.... but to sell himself made up some business idea.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/03/2022 00:14

Directors of limited companies have a legal responsibility to understand the commitment they are making and sign papers to confirm they have properly researched and understood all implications. So it's up to his mate to worry about all this, not you. All you need to do is look out for you and your child. Which means walking away from him.

icelolly12 · 13/03/2022 00:17

He probably begged his mate to loan him some money, and said in return I'll make you a director... we'll be millionaires rodders...

ChickenStripper · 13/03/2022 00:18

I have no idea why you are even giving this a second thought.

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