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Original poster

Financially irresponsible man?

191 replies

Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 20:31

I've been going out with a really nice bloke, it's coming up to a year now of meeting but been exclusive for about 8 months.

He's always been honest about the fact that he has 'no money' as he is in the process of trying to launch a business (what seems like extremely slowly) but thing is, in the mean time it seems he is just not paying his bills and living on mounting credit.

There was an incident a few months ago when a bailiff knocked on the door and he was forced then to sort of come clean about his money issues but thing is he still hasn't earned any money at all and in my opinion hasn't really made steps to find an income.

He made a comment the other day that he'll just go stacking shelves if needed, good for you I thought, go on then. But nothing.

He has not brought in any money in two years now. He left his well paid full time job when covid hit in a 'now or never' sort of way as his job wouldn't furlough him so he just quit, he already had the business idea but it is a tech based start up so in need of £ investment before he can actually make it.

I asked him a few months ago how he was living and he said 'just savings'. I know this not to be the case though. He gets some UC but for a single person it is hardly any, it wouldn't cover his rent alone per month.

I think he might be taking money out of his business account per month to buy food etc, he has some individual investors who have put money in early doors before the business is launched. Is this even allowed? I'm not self employed myself but I know SO many people who are. But all of them started their businesses on their own from scratch and made sure they were off the ground before leaving paid employment.

I'm wondering if this guy is just burying his head in the sand or is this sort of thing normal pre launching a business? Is there usually a period of years before any income is generated?

I like him a lot but as we approach the year mark I wonder if there is any future for us together long term. I've made some bad financial decisions in the past regarding partners which is one of the reasons I still don't own a house so I'm really wary at the moment. For instance I couldn't imagine a world we could ever live together as I don't want to financially link to someone with bad credit not to mention not bringing money in.

For context. I'm a single mum. Work full time long hours, not a high earner but average full time wage (public sector). Zero assets and just about covering my bills.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:17

Thank you for the info. I'm sure he will have to get one of these at some point.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/03/2022 23:20

If he goes anywhere near bankruptcy then he can't be a director of a limited company. That will really prevent him getting anywhere with his start up.

My son is creating a start-up at the moment with his business partner. They each share another business which is doing well and both also work freelance, which actually pays their bills. Getting an investment for a tech start-up is incredibly hard and it's understandable that any investors will want to know that he is financially sound.

What he should be really doing is working full time and doing the start up in the evenings.

Ultimately if you become really involved with him it's inevitable that he will want to live with you because he can do that for nothing. By that point it might be a really desperate situation with the bailiffs. How could you say no to him then? Better to do it now. I think I'd tell him that his focus has to be on supporting himself and on his business and that he really shouldn't be involved in a relationship right now.

Icanflyhigh · 12/03/2022 23:20

@Stealmyheart

What's an IVA is that like bankruptcy where you consolidate all the debt and make an agreement to pay it off in a certain time? He should definitely do that. But we don't have the transparency to have those conversations at the moment I think he's embarrassed. I'm very financially independent as I have to be on top of things (because I'm not a irresponsible idiot and I have DC to care for!)
Yes it's exactly that - you are making an admission that you have been financially irresponsible and a commitment to repay some of the debt and in doing so, with no defaults, whatever is left at the end of the term (6 years max) is written off. One step away from bankruptcy and does severely limit your credit rating, but for me now, I'm starting afresh and building a new credit history by being responsible.
icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:22

At the minute he's unemployed and in debt... forget his airy fairy ideas of the future which may or may not transpire. Bailiffs at his door is serious... that's not forgetting a single payment. And he left his job in furlough- that was over a year ago! Plenty of time for him to find something new. I wouldn't be hanging around.

Icanflyhigh · 12/03/2022 23:25

One thing I will say in all my years of issues with debt and financial irresponsibility I have never had a bailiff or debt collector at my door and the fact that he has tells me he has already seriously default or has borrowed from unscrupulous lenders.
The worst I had was phone calls and letters and they were bad enough.

Original poster
Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:25

You all have good advice.
Tell me more about the not being allowed to have a company if you are bankrupt thing. At what point do you become personally bankrupt?

He has money in the business account that is other people's money. But I think he's spending it, to live off at the moment. As the business doesn't have any costs yet. As it isn't operational.

If people invest in a business. Is that a normal way to do things, they would put up some money and then just wait a few years until it generates profit? If it was me, I'd put whatever money I had saved up into starting a business or get a bank loan, this is what I've seen friends do. Tech costs more to build though doesn't it.

OP posts:
icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:26

Have you seen this business account? I doubt it exists.

Original poster
Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:27

I haven't seen a statement for it but I'm pretty sure it exists, it's with Starling.
He does tax return and has done for 2 years already etc. Earned zero obvs.

OP posts:
icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:28

So he's earned zero in two years? That's not a business!

icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:29

He probably set it up to try and get Covid loans/grants, sorry to be so blunt but really- he's unemployed and in debt, that's it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/03/2022 23:30

I think this thread is an example of one of the issues with this dynamic OP.

You're using headspace and effort looking into ways that he could reduce his debt / reasons he may be in this position / info on running a business and the financial implications and responsibilities etc.

All this headspace this early on and it would only get worse and worse, with you clearly being a problem solver and kind. A recipe for a relationship in which he becomes the problem and you become the fixer.

Exhausting and thankless. Not worth the risk!

Holothane · 12/03/2022 23:30

Run and don’t look about

icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:31

He's probably been on the dole for years and fed you a load of shite...

Holothane · 12/03/2022 23:31

Sorry meant back,

Original poster
Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:33

It's an online business that he is in the stages of developing. Think along the lines of transport. It's a good idea and there isn't another one where we are Nothing as big as Uber of course but in order to design the site and app he needs Megabucks to pay for some sort of web developer people. So he has initial investment from personal people, that was enough to build the prototype but to actually bring it to market another round of further investment is needed, a big amount. I think.

OP posts:
icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:36

Oj dear you've fallen for his crap - hook line and sinker... He's on the dole but obviously doesn't want to tell a potential partner this, as he wouldn't get a date, let me guess you met him online right.. so claims he's going to be the next Elon Musk/Steve Jobs... it aint gonna happen. Lots of people have ideas for apps! I can think of about ten from the top of my head! That doesn't mean they're going to transpire into anything ... this guy is unemployed with a few ideas. They mean nothing.

Supersimkin2 · 12/03/2022 23:36

I’ve worked with many a tech startup, only the successful ones, mind.

He’s not setting up a tech firm.

The big fear of investors is, as it happens, what DP is doing - spaffing cash on going out ie ‘networking’. That might explain why he can’t and won’t get investors. Even if he was doing real work.

Leave. He might get a job but…

Original poster
Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:37

I mean, there's not really any excuse for someone to not have a job for that long is there? Unless they are properly ill or at home with kids. He's a dreamer isn't he

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/03/2022 23:37

@Stealmyheart

It's an online business that he is in the stages of developing. Think along the lines of transport. It's a good idea and there isn't another one where we are Nothing as big as Uber of course but in order to design the site and app he needs Megabucks to pay for some sort of web developer people. So he has initial investment from personal people, that was enough to build the prototype but to actually bring it to market another round of further investment is needed, a big amount. I think.
Is it a unique idea or is it something that Uber could think that's a good idea, we'll do that?
icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:38

He's a dreamer but worse he's a liar. There are no investors.

HollowTalk · 12/03/2022 23:39

@Stealmyheart

It's an online business that he is in the stages of developing. Think along the lines of transport. It's a good idea and there isn't another one where we are Nothing as big as Uber of course but in order to design the site and app he needs Megabucks to pay for some sort of web developer people. So he has initial investment from personal people, that was enough to build the prototype but to actually bring it to market another round of further investment is needed, a big amount. I think.
But if an investor is investing megabucks, then they won't want a company that's limited to your area will they? They will want something that could be at least a national business and preferably potentially an international business.
Original poster
Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:39

No we didn't meet online we met in real life but neither of us were looking for a relationship, well I was looking for a casual arrangement really. We got on and it sort of went from there and here we are

OP posts:
icelolly12 · 12/03/2022 23:41

Okay so do you know his friends/family and do they back up what he says...did he have a good high paying job before Covid for example?

Original poster
Stealmyheart · 12/03/2022 23:41

He wants to launch it in one area first and then expand that is part of the plan.
It's something that I've said from day one that he should be careful about posting too much on his social media yet before launch cos yes someone could just nick it.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/03/2022 23:43

www.simplybusiness.co.uk/knowledge/articles/2010/11/2010-11-16-bankruptcy-and-your-business-can-i-run-a-business-while-bankrupt/

If he is spending the investment money on his everyday household bills, then his investors will surely find out about that because he will have to show them what he spent the money on. Has he got a private limited company or is he a sole trader?

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