If a man said 'she's no Scarlett Johansson' about you

[Onthetoadagain]

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

Sounds very hurtful and tactless thing to say

????? Mate dump him he’s negging you

Yes this is awful. Don't see him again.

Is he marking you out of 10 too? When you cook for him will he prefix any compliment with "well she's no Martha Stewart/delia smith/Mary Berry but..."

Yes, thats not a nice thing to say. And it's really not nice of him to tell you he said it either.

Blimey, what a bizarre thing to say 😳.

You are right to question it. It's not so much the fact that he said it to his friend, but that he chose to tell you, and see how you react to a bit of undermining.

You have self esteem issues and he has willingly told you something he must know is likely to affect someone's self esteem. Maybe he is doing this to make you feel less value and more grateful for your relationship. Maybe it's innocent lack of tact.

Either way make your concerns about such comments known. If he reacts badly, it's probably because he wants to beat down your esteem further for his own advantage and he's not for you.

That’s a shitty thing to say to your face or otherwise.

Negging. Throw him back.

Well in the context you've described it does sound mean and unnecessary. Especially in the early days of dating! I wouldn't be impressed either.

He's a dick. That's a terrible thing to say. Dump him now. My ex used to say stuff like that. I put up with it far too long!

Sounds like he told you this to subtly undermine your confidence and to try to make you think he usually dates better looking women. That way he can make you think you’re lucky to be with him.

Or he could just be a bit daft and clumsy with his words.

It’s really hard to say, but yeah, I wouldn’t have liked that.

He is an arse, you can do better

Never cool to talk badly about you to another or to tell you about how he talked badly of you to another. He's testing your bar. Set it high.

Isn’t this classic PUA-type negging?

Never mind the actual comment, telling you he said it makes him either mean or thick.

Horrid. Right if you to question. If he can openly admit to saying something so cruel at the start, imagine what he’ll be like as time goes on.

I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

I used to date a man I called Offensive George who seemed like he made it his mission to say at least two awful things to me each time we went out.

He was gutted when I dumped him which I couldn’t understand as he didn’t seem to like me very much!

The context is key here.

Is Scarlett Johanssen his dream woman and his friend knows that? So it’s jokey.

I’ve said to DH when booking holidays/surprises etc. Sorry, Kelly Brook is busy that weekend so you’ll have to go with me

I'd have probably blurted "and you're no Rhett Butler" and left him wondering if I was dumb enough not to know who Scarlett Johansson is or if he'd just been insulted back.

He is rude. Self assured, confident that you'll react in a way that is beneficial to him.

Not one to keep. Throw him back.

If you don’t already know about it (I didn’t until a recent thread on here), google PUA and negging.

Then dump him.

Saying it to a friend is shit enough, then telling YOU that he said it is utter dickhead territory.
He's no Keanu Reeves, get rid & move on.

His saying your not that pretty or attractive but “you’ll do”. What an idiot, dump him!

Is he very good looking out of interest? Can’t believe he said that to you!