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Original poster

If a man said 'she's no Scarlett Johansson' about you

359 replies

Onthetoadagain · 12/03/2022 08:55

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

OP posts:
Pyewhacket · 12/03/2022 09:03

Sorry, but that's a huge red flag to me. To openly court a compliment and then reply with a shitty comment like that is crass and immature.

I'd be looking for an easy way out.

layladomino · 12/03/2022 09:03

Never mind the actual comment, telling you he said it makes him either mean or thick

Perfectly put.

Fuckitydoodah · 12/03/2022 09:03

If you're in a new relationship with someone you supposedly really like, why the hell would you tell them you'd said that about them? It's really unpleasant. It would totally change my views on them. He should be showering you with compliments not making you feel inadequate. What a dick.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/03/2022 09:03

Why would he tell you this? Don't see this guy again, his intentions to you aren't coming from a good place

Eddielizzard · 12/03/2022 09:03

Dump him, but don't tell him why as he'll try to make you feel stupid for feeling (quite rightly) the way you do.

LemonMuffins · 12/03/2022 09:04

Definitely a dick. I'd be getting rid and telling him why. Rude twat.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 12/03/2022 09:04

That's how I would take it yes. It maybe one of those things you think, or even say in a private conversation to a friend. Well he's no brad pit but yeah I really like him, and he's got a great a**e for example (but even then I don't see why it's necessary) but there is absolutely no reason to tell you that. Unless of course he's intention was to make you feel 'lucky' to be with him. I want you to know I think your punching so you'll remain greatful I decided to overlook that and be with you.

Why would you even bother wasting a thought on this guy. It's early days if he's being a twat already it's only going to get worse. Just throw this one back and be greatful he showed you this snippet into his phsyce so early on.....next

gingerhills · 12/03/2022 09:04

He's negging. My attraction to someone would drop to zero if they told me that. Twattery is an instant turn off.

Clymene · 12/03/2022 09:05

Dump!

RaininSummer · 12/03/2022 09:05

Agree that he sound a bit of a git.

ToniLaRoni · 12/03/2022 09:05

If he's telling you he's insulting you behind your back at this early stage then imagine what he's not telling you. Or wouldn't down the line.

Grade A twat. At least you found out early.

doubletreats · 12/03/2022 09:06

My husband once told me early in I'm no Claudia Schiffer when I stupidly asked if he thought I was pretty (I was young in my defence) - I'm actually pretty good looking but no clearly I'm not Claudia Schiffer but god it hurt.
I don't think men realise that actually we want to be the most beautiful to them and this really hurts even if factually it's true.
He could be negging you but 25 years later with husband I know he is not a negger m, doesn't put me down at all, would never consciously say anything nasty about my appearance in fact when I put on 5 stone in pregnancy he barely noticed - when I lost it he made a passing remark but didn't really care.
What I'm saying is - yes it hurts but sometimes men say thoughtless things and it doesn't necessarily mean he's a terrible person but obviously be on the watch for anything else.

lemongreentea · 12/03/2022 09:07

hes a twat. trying to put you down. block/delete/move on

AryaStarkWolf · 12/03/2022 09:08

@Grasping

The context is key here.

Is Scarlett Johanssen his dream woman and his friend knows that? So it’s jokey.

I’ve said to DH when booking holidays/surprises etc. Sorry, Kelly Brook is busy that weekend so you’ll have to go with me

You've said that though, big difference. I've said similar to my DH and he always replies with "you're way better" does he really think I'm better looking than Scarlett Johanson? Pretty doubtful 😅 but he's a good guy and he's not a cunt
LizzieSiddal · 12/03/2022 09:08

He said a horrible thing about you to his friends and then told you he’d done it!!

So that’s two 🚩

He’s not a nice person, get rid of him.

tribpot · 12/03/2022 09:09

This is negging isn't it? It's meant to sound like a compliment but it isn't. He's implying he's doing you a favour by agreeing to date you even though you're 'no Scarlett'. It seems like the whole 'asking you what you'd told your friends' thing was a set-up.

I think you've definitely picked up a challenge to your self-esteem and boundary issues, so it's great that you have that awareness. The next step is to put the boundaries back in place. Maybe this was just a tactless remark, in which case he will want to apologise for hurting your feelings.

Lurking9to5 · 12/03/2022 09:11

That's weird all right. Does he think his friends would expect him to be with ''a scarlet johansson''? so he has to justify his decision to choose a woman who is ''no scarlet johansson''.

Who does he think he is!?

PeaceForUkraine · 12/03/2022 09:12

Not a nice thing to say, but a nice thing to think.

Block him.

Loopytiles · 12/03/2022 09:12

Deal breaker!

TeeBee · 12/03/2022 09:13

Throw him back. Not a good catch.

Donson · 12/03/2022 09:13

Agree with pp, he is negging you.
Dump him now.

JaninaDuszejko · 12/03/2022 09:13

What did you say to him when he said that? Just tell him he's no (incredibly handsome movie star) either. How he reacts to that will tell you if it's a clumsy expression or if he's an arse.

Karwomannghia · 12/03/2022 09:15

He’s made you feel uncomfortable and that’s not a good sign.

Nowomenaroundeh · 12/03/2022 09:15

I would never see him again and I would not tell him why. If he pressed for a reason I'd say something like "I'm sorry. You're a nice guy. I know I'm being shallow but you're just not the right match for me."

AryaStarkWolf · 12/03/2022 09:16

@tribpot yes it definitely sounds like the question was a set up for him to tell her that. Which is why it's not the same as what you're describing happened with your dh @doubletreats, you asked him if he thought you were pretty whereas this guy specifically wanted to tell op she wasn't that good looking (which by the way OP I'm sure is not true)