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Original poster

If a man said 'she's no Scarlett Johansson' about you

359 replies

Onthetoadagain · 12/03/2022 08:55

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onthetoadagain · 16/03/2022 13:24

Hey thanks for asking, PPs. Yes, I did. No big drama thankfully, he just said he regretted messing things up. Onwards and upwards!

OP posts:
Nouveaunew · 16/03/2022 23:54

Best of luck @Onthetoadagain

I’m sure he regretted it and you were true to yourself.

Original poster
Onthetoadagain · 17/03/2022 07:36

Thanks nouveau there was a lot of 'you're out of my league' 'I didn't mean it like that' etc so I suspect it was either extreme clumsiness which he didn't rectify well at the first opportunity (I didn't go into his follow up comments) , or a backfired attempt at negging. Either way, I want someone who is just happy to be with me.

OP posts:
Flyg · 17/03/2022 11:45

I'm so glad you ditched him. I would do the same, a comment designed to start the long process of wearing your confidence and self esteem down at worst, and an unbelievable insensitive and thoughtless comment at best.

In the bin he goes.

me4real · 17/03/2022 18:41

Well done @Onthetoadagain , saying that shows he's a bellend.

xfgdhfgnhkk007 · 17/03/2022 21:19

Dump his ass. You don't need to be around someone who makes you feel like shit, life's too short.

My very first BF once said to me "well... you'll never make the cover of Vogue but I like you". Oh thanks, honey! The twerp couldn't understand why I started crying and why that hurt.

It wasn't as if he was that amazing, the more I looked at him the more he looked like Adrian Mole Grin. I dumped him fast.

xfgdhfgnhkk007 · 17/03/2022 21:20

Ah I see you did already, well done!

Nouveaunew · 17/03/2022 22:02

@xfgdhfgnhkk007

I can’t believe your first BF said that and I’m impressed you ditched him.

@Onthetoadagain

Either way, I want someone who is just happy to be with me
This is all that matters. It really is.

99pronouns · 18/03/2022 08:04

Well done op - my ex was a negger and its actually impossible to have a happy, healthy relationship with someone who will knowingly throw your esteem under a bus to pump theirs up.l, so you've absolutely done the right thing not accepting it.

CambsAlways · 18/03/2022 10:19

Dump him! What a nasty thing to say and then to tell you! I take he thinks he’s Brad Pitt

CambsAlways · 18/03/2022 10:19

Take it he thinks he’s Brad Pitt

aalidfeie · 18/03/2022 11:39

Fuck him right off. Knobend. Imagine the audacity of saying it and also telling you?!!! he sounds horrible! that would have given me such the ick and would have iced my heart over.

Think about, its the start of a relationship, he should be charmed, enamoured, in lust, and all you get is "she is no (insert unobtainable beauty) - as if he thinks he is somehow punching below....jesus christ

Livpool · 18/03/2022 14:44

He is a cheeky bastard!!! Why say that to his friends and then to you ( which is bizarre). I would dump

Knittingchamp · 18/03/2022 14:51

@Onthetoadagain

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

Jeez, he's revolting. You're gorgeous no doubt, and more importantly there's a guy out there who will see it and bless his lucky stars you looked his way. And the last thing he'll say is she's no Scarlett Johansson'.
AllOfUsAreDead · 18/03/2022 15:23

@Pinkbonbon

Thought he was a 'new' man?

Why on earth is he telling yo he is in love with you?! That's so creepy.

Sounds like he is a love bomber as well as a negging wanker. Narcissist alarm!

This. He'll probably contact you eventually asking for a second chance, blaming some reason for why he said what he did.

Don't let him back in. He is a sleaze.

Somethingsnappy · 18/03/2022 17:43

Well done OP! It does make you wonder about the motivation behind a comment like that. I agree that it's designed to dent your confidence, whether he did it consciously or not, and thus make you feel you've got a catch in him. The one time in my life when someone made a similar comment to me, when I was not much older than a teenager (and gorgeous), was in a bar in Germany. He said 'you're no Claudia Schiffer, but I like you'. He then proceeded to make some nasty racist comments. I turned my back on him mid speech.... I didn't have a word for what he was doing at the time, but I knew he was one to avoid like the plague...

JustKittenAround · 19/03/2022 02:30

OP I’m so glad you saw this red flag.

So many of us have just internalized these comments and explained it away in our own heads….

It’s not right and you saw that it wasn’t.

H112 · 19/03/2022 03:03

That's one of the cruelest comments I've ever heard a man saying. I bet you're gorgeous too. F him.

Grasping · 19/03/2022 04:49

@H112

That's one of the cruelest comments I've ever heard a man saying. I bet you're gorgeous too. F him.
Really? It may have shown him up to be a bit of a dickhead but the cruelest comment?
Anon778833 · 19/03/2022 04:59

Most women don’t look like Scarlet Johansson (not least because they don’t have her money) but normal men wouldn’t say that to the person they’re dating. The only reason he will have said this is to knock you down a peg or two because he knows you’re better looking than him! How pathetic he is…

ZealAndArdour · 19/03/2022 05:28

He’s either very bold and dry and this is his sense of humour (but I assume you’d already know that and would have no doubt about it being a joke) or he’s trying to put you in your place so you’ll always have a doubt in the back of your mind about how attractive he thinks you are so you’ll be striving for his approval.

Springhassprung3 · 19/03/2022 07:17

Some men never grow up. They walk around looking at women like they for sale. I've had a boyfriend who couldn't stop judging women. He was constantly looking at every woman that walked past and would comment on their appearance in some way.it gets dull pretty quickly. You are who you are and he's lucky to have you. Is he channing tatum standard? I very much doubt it. He's also never seen scarlett j. She might have hairy legs and rarely shower for all he knows. When she wake up first thing she might look rough as anything. She may also have the personality of a fish.

He needs to get out of a dream world. That was a childish comment to make and really unattractive.

Nouveaunew · 19/03/2022 15:35

He was constantly looking at every woman that walked past and would comment on their appearance in some way.it gets dull pretty quickly

I’ve a lot of male friends so I used to think this was the norm. I no longer entertain it when they routinely objectify women as though it’s the most normal thing in the world & we women are supposed to just go along with it. Enough enough enough! God I love being in my 40s and no longer willing to put up with utter shite from men

Chonfox · 19/03/2022 16:03

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 throw this one back

VioletLemon · 19/03/2022 16:07

Oh no. Get rid of this stupid man who lacks manners, self awareness and kindness. You deserve a kind, loving man who makes you feel amazing and will put you first. They are out there, your self esteem is keeping you doubting yourself. The guys a dick.

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