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Original poster

If a man said 'she's no Scarlett Johansson' about you

359 replies

Onthetoadagain · 12/03/2022 08:55

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

OP posts:
RobinBlackbird · 12/03/2022 10:19

Op explains the context in first part of post.

knittingaddict · 12/03/2022 10:19

@Onthetoadagain

Sorry, by 'some good points' I mean he listed some good things, he didn't just say that.
Of course he didn't. He couldn't get away with it if he said only bad things. If he wraps the nasty stuff in with a few compliments then you will doubt yourself, which is what you're doing now.

I've been married 35 plus years and we don't have to call each other out on our lack of physical attractiveness or other negative points. I'm no supermodel either, but I would be very upset if my husband felt that needed saying in any context. It's never a nice or positive thing to say. I'm willing to bet good money that he did it deliberately.

RobinBlackbird · 12/03/2022 10:20

It was essentially unsolicited and deliberately done.

RobinBlackbird · 12/03/2022 10:21

I could say now you are hardly Einstein Why2why and I'm sure you'd judge me on it. And I wouldn't blame you!!

knittingaddict · 12/03/2022 10:21

@beattieedny

Get rid. I've been there! My husband regularly, after years of marriage and kids and middle aged spread and wrinkles, etc, tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and tells his pals how gorgeous I am. Love softens the rough edges. Tldr this dude is a dick
Indeed. My husband calls me gorgeous all the time. I am not. Very far from it, but it's lovely to hear.
ClemDanFango · 12/03/2022 10:24

He already feels very entitled to make you feel like shit. It does not bode well. Throw him in here ➡️🗑

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2022 10:26

I'm willing to bet good money that he did it deliberately.

Of course he did. He wants to keep her down, in her place, right from the start. He wants her to be ever so grateful for any meager crumbs he tosses her way.

OldWivesTale · 12/03/2022 10:28

Horrible bastard. I would see him again.

godmum56 · 12/03/2022 10:28

I would have dumped him for the question (what have you told your friends about me?) let alone his answer.

OldWivesTale · 12/03/2022 10:29

*wouldn't

TerraNovaTwo · 12/03/2022 10:29

Ew. I would instantly lose any affection and attraction I had for a partner if they said that kind of thing. To me he sounds creepy/sexist, judging just from that one comment.

iwishu · 12/03/2022 10:30

I would dump him not only for the Scarlett thing, as if! He'll be waiting along time.
He said some good points, he's not that into you. He would be gushing about you if he was. Horrible of him to tell you he said these things about you, remember this is him at his best in the early days, it won't get better

Iamnotamermaid · 12/03/2022 10:31

That crosses even my fairly tolerant boundaries. It would be a marked card from me and probably be heading for the exit.

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 12/03/2022 10:37

I would have backed off and said, 'Oh, OK' and left then and there.

They do it to see how far they can push you down before you react. If you stay with him..well, good luck with that.

pictish · 12/03/2022 10:42

I’m no Scarlett Johansen. I certainly didn’t earn from my looks when I was younger or otherwise. I’m quite plain but vibrant and stylish (imo obv) nevertheless. I’d be taken aback at such a comment. It wouldn’t be a case of feeling insulted (although I would feel insulted) - it would be the set up where he clearly wanted to chip that one in. That’s a red flag fluttering at the corner of my eye. Really disappointing.

pictish · 12/03/2022 10:49

Don’t think I could get over the sinking, nagging feeling that he’s a prick…that there would be more to come when I am further invested. The age I am now (46) I’d pay attention the first time. Honest answer.

GreyCarpet · 12/03/2022 10:51

@Grasping

The context is key here.

Is Scarlett Johanssen his dream woman and his friend knows that? So it’s jokey.

I’ve said to DH when booking holidays/surprises etc. Sorry, Kelly Brook is busy that weekend so you’ll have to go with me

Can you not see the difference between your husband and a man someone has just met?

As you say, context is key...

OP, I agree, PUA type negging. I dated someone who did that. It was more.subtle than that though and got an awful lot worse by the end. If you continue to see him, this will be the tone of his comments towards you going forward.

JamieNorthlife · 12/03/2022 10:53

OP, do check what others wrote about PUA. They are a bunch of weak idiotic men that practice making women insecure to the point they doubt themselves.
When you first meet, did he play funny games, made you feel insecure, insulted you or share something very "personal " about him to make you feel sorry for him? If yes then he is immature, has low self esteem and likes to manipulate women.

Years ago one of my good friends ended up dating a pua. He behaved like if he was a big deal, he was not. when he realised that she did not enjoy the date he played the poor me "my parents got divorced " card. She felt sorry for him and went out with him a few times but she kept telling us that his conversations were all bitching about women and apparently he was also deluded thinking that all women had a thing for him. Later she realised he was just a nasty little man.

tkwal · 12/03/2022 10:58

Scarlet Johansson isnt Scarlet Johansson in the way he means without a full team of hairdresser , MUA and stylists either. It may just have been a passing comment but if it's making you uncomfortable I would advise you to be busy next time he tries to arrange something. If you like him or think he has potential to be a good partner then just see where it goes

AnIconOfImperfections · 12/03/2022 10:59

What a tool.

I hope you told him he’s no Aaron Johnson, but he’ll do for now.

Original poster
Onthetoadagain · 12/03/2022 11:02

@JamieNorthlife

OP, do check what others wrote about PUA. They are a bunch of weak idiotic men that practice making women insecure to the point they doubt themselves. When you first meet, did he play funny games, made you feel insecure, insulted you or share something very "personal " about him to make you feel sorry for him? If yes then he is immature, has low self esteem and likes to manipulate women.

Years ago one of my good friends ended up dating a pua. He behaved like if he was a big deal, he was not. when he realised that she did not enjoy the date he played the poor me "my parents got divorced " card. She felt sorry for him and went out with him a few times but she kept telling us that his conversations were all bitching about women and apparently he was also deluded thinking that all women had a thing for him. Later she realised he was just a nasty little man.

Hmm... he did tell me quite a personal thing early come to think of it.
OP posts:
Velvian · 12/03/2022 11:03

Definitely begging. At least he's told you early that he is a misogynist arsehole.

Velvian · 12/03/2022 11:03

negging

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 12/03/2022 11:06

If he doesn't think that you're the most beautiful person he's ever seen then he is certainly not worth going anywhere near.

UsernameInTheTown · 12/03/2022 11:06

Cunt, throw him back.