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Original poster

Husband just bought home by police. Furious

622 replies

yellowelli · 12/03/2022 03:40

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 12/03/2022 07:45

@avamiah

Firstly I’d like to say that i don’t wish to offend OP but I have literally just laughed out loud after reading how her husband told the police that if he walks straight he will end up home.hahaha

No harm was done and he got home safe and at the end of the day he was spotted by the police who of course had a duty of care to stop and check he was ok and after finding his address from his licence took him home.

Everything ended well .

Yes, sounded quite familiar in a strange way, like something he remembered from a survival film .

The police sound very helpful.

As a one off, I'd forgive it, if he's not a usual drinker.

I'm not a drinker, and would be floored after half a shandy, so he may not have any tolerance for alcohol.

He'll probably have a wretched hangover as well.

ClemDanFango · 12/03/2022 07:45

Fuck… will get slaughtered but I’d be laughing my arse off if my husband did this. Brought home by police like a wayward teen, he’d never live it down and I’d be ribbing him about it for years to come.

NOTANUM · 12/03/2022 07:45

Like you I’d be annoyed because of the worry that he didn’t show up as planned and you’d no idea where he was.
But this could be one of those stories that gets great mileage if played with a light hand: police car, home in a straight line while staggering around..Grin
Of course I’d have a different view if it was every month but as you it’s once every blue moon.
His head today though!!

MadeinSW3 · 12/03/2022 07:46

I would be pissed off but if he shows remorse today I don’t think it’s that bad. I wouldn’t be letting him forget for a while!

Plinkyplonkyplonk · 12/03/2022 07:46

@TedMullins

How many people defending him would think it was fine if a woman with young kids did this?
I did- my dh just made sure I was safe and sorted kids. I didn't drink for a while......
femfemlicious · 12/03/2022 07:48

I would have put him on the sofa with a bucket near his head. He is likely to pukeSad

TracyMosby · 12/03/2022 07:49

I'm more shocked he was in a night club at all. I can't imagine anything worse anymore
You do sound controlling though. So what if you dont like the sound of it? It wasnt your night out! It was excessive to be checking in on him so much, tracking his movements. Thats so over the top.

Be annoyed he got completely hammered and will no doubt lose today. That’s reasonable. But the actions before that point are down to you. Your lack of sleep was because you were following his movements.

EatYourVegetables · 12/03/2022 07:51

He’ll have a hangover from hell today, and deserve it.

Passanotherjaffacake · 12/03/2022 07:51

Ah, it’s really natural to be mad for a bit OP as you were worried and maybe feeling vulnerable with being pregnant. Thank goodness the police found him and bought him back. One of my colleagues got very drunk at a work night when he had young kids and tried to walk home, fell over a small wall and slept in the ditch he fell in. His wife must have been feeling exactly the same as you.

I would plan a fun easy day with my toddler (preferably somewhere where he can’t bore you by talking about how rough he feels) tell hubby to look after himself when he wakes up but that you want tomorrow off as a thank you.

I would be dining out on the police bringing my husband home for ages though - with a wry smile!

OverTheRubicon · 12/03/2022 07:52

@ClemDanFango

Fuck… will get slaughtered but I’d be laughing my arse off if my husband did this. Brought home by police like a wayward teen, he’d never live it down and I’d be ribbing him about it for years to come.
I think isn't good but seems a one off that he'll feel bad about too and isn't worth a big fight - however am shocked at all the people who think that someone walking home in the dark and rain actually on the main road is hilarious. It's so dangerous.

British attitudes to drinking are one thing I've never got used to, in decades living here.

Harridan1981 · 12/03/2022 07:53

A lot for me would depend on how he behaves after. My husband did this once, not to the same extent (tripped on the way home and a passing person took pity on him and walked him back) and he was mortified. Horrified that the kids might have seen him (they hadn't) etc.

The next day he was due to do a drive somewhere to do something that couldn't be put off but clearly couldn't have driven and been under the limit so I drove, and we went as a family. He was so angry with himself, and sad.

He didn't drink for about 4 years after that and now is very moderated.

I was less angry at him than he was at himself, because he never goes out and is the most reliable husband and father normally. This caught him unawares.

H1Drangea · 12/03/2022 07:53

I’m with you @yellowelli I’d be furious that he put himself in danger like that , trying to walk home
However , he’s home now safe
Probably feels like death and will be wondering what the hell happened last night
I’d give him a gallon of water and some pain killers and leave him to sleep off his hangover

DH did a similar thing ( without the walking home , I collected him ) went to a fundraising charity lunch , then asked me to collect him at 8pm as he was going round the pubs with the boys ( not his usual behaviour )
He was waving in the breeze when I collected him and went straight to bed , he felt so ill the next day , but had to work as he’s self employed

Hopefully when your DH wakes up , he’ll be sorry for worrying you , you can get over it and things will get back to normal
I don’t think you’re controlling , a caring wife is a better way to describe it

Gollumy · 12/03/2022 07:54

If it's just a one off I wouldn't be too bothered. We all make mistakes and thankfully he was lucky enough to be picked up and helped by the police. When I read your time I thought maybe he got into a brawl or did something criminal but it looks like (on this occasion) no harm was done.

As long as he seems to realise this wasn't a great idea and shouldn't be repeated I'd just laugh it off to be honest or at least shrug it off. He's an adult. Don't treat him like a like a rebellious Teenager.

Mylife2000 · 12/03/2022 07:54

It's a one off. He got home safe. It will probably never happen again . Move on.

LittleSnakes · 12/03/2022 07:55

I’m with you, OP. It’s so dangerous to walk along main roads in the dark. All it takes is someone glancing at their phone for a second while driving and he’s gone. Or him staggering out. I hope he feels awful when he wakes up.

DancingBarefootOnIce · 12/03/2022 07:55

I get the anger at him endangering himself but it was his drunkenness which got him there. I assume he wouldn’t do something that stupid normally. At least everyone is ok. Hopefully he’s sorry for his behaviour and you can move on.

If you think you’re disgusted by him and find him unattractive. My ex was once brought home in a very drunken state by paramedics. He’d not even been able to walk home and had slumped down at the side of a building. AND worse of all he’d lost control of his bowels 🤮. So could’ve been worse.

Original poster
yellowelli · 12/03/2022 07:56

I did- my dh just made sure I was safe and sorted kids.
I didn't drink for a while......

As I said, you and many others may have drunk too much and made a tit of yourselves, gone over you limits, been very rough.

You didn't walk down a main bloody road in horrific conditions and risk your life, your children having a father and not to mention destroying the life of anyone who may have happened to hit him. People romanticising that as being a wayward teen, funny or adorable either don't understand the gravity of that, or are more focused on being cool about things. As someone who is well aware of the road where this took place, how bad the weather was etc I really don't find it funny. I find it horrifying. Someone close to us lost her son years back because he climbed scaffolding drunk and fell and died. He knows how many lives that ruined. Why nearly end up the same way? You don't hear that story and think well he was just letting his hair down and took it too far. You think what a waste of life. How preventable. How tragic. I'm not embarrassed to feel like that about this. If that makes me uncool then ok.

OP posts:
ComeUnderMySexBlanket · 12/03/2022 07:58

If I had a nocturnal visit from the police, I'd be so relieved it was just a stupidly drunk husband that I would be inclined not to give it any further thought.

However, I have young adult children (students away from home), so a nocturnal visit from the police would immediately fell me. Anything other than harm to your children is small beer (sic).

(I've never got into that state of drunkenness, btw, despite PP who say we've all done it - but I know many, many people who have done at least one completely stupid thing while very drunk).

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 12/03/2022 07:58

@TedMullins

I can’t believe anyone thinks this is normal or ok. British drinking culture actually disgusts me sometimes. Unless he was spiked or has problematic drinking behaviour, it is very easy to say no thanks I’ve had enough now, I’m going home/I’ll stick to the lemonades from now on. This is the kind of thing you expect from a teenager who overdoes it, not a grown adult who should be perfectly capable of regulating your own drinking. I’d be absolutely disgusted.
I'm sure being disgusted really helps the situation
Ponchek · 12/03/2022 08:00

OP you are not uncool - your outrage is totally understandable. It comes, I think, from fear - this has scared you. He got so drunk that he did something terribly dangerous. You are probably in some shock.

No in my opinion it's not funny or sweet or laddish. I agree it's deeply irresponsible and he's very lucky they found him.

I think just no more going out drinking for him. Ever!!

Original poster
yellowelli · 12/03/2022 08:02

@TracyMosby

I'm more shocked he was in a night club at all. I can't imagine anything worse anymore You do sound controlling though. So what if you dont like the sound of it? It wasnt your night out! It was excessive to be checking in on him so much, tracking his movements. Thats so over the top.

Be annoyed he got completely hammered and will no doubt lose today. That’s reasonable. But the actions before that point are down to you. Your lack of sleep was because you were following his movements.

How is it controlling to say I can't imagine anything worse than being in a night club? It's controlling to check find my friends once, and only once it was after the time I expected him home and I couldn't get hold of him? Some of your marriages must be so odd if you find a wife sending one text, making one phone call and checking find my friends once to be controlling behaviour. It's more just basic concern and caring for someone. As I've repeated said I'm not mad he was in a night club (the shocked comment was more tongue in cheek) I'm not mad he missed his taxi and I'm not mad he got a bit too drunk. I'm mad about the brazen risk of walking on a main road in the dark and rain. It's really not hard to comprehend.
OP posts:
TracyMosby · 12/03/2022 08:02

I'm not embarrassed to feel like that about this. If that makes me uncool then ok
It makes you sound incredibly anxious. That can limit yours and your families experiences if it goes untreated.

Porcupineintherough · 12/03/2022 08:03

I am teetotal and have always disliked nightclubs but I must admit that your " what was he thinking at our stage of life" comments sort of make me want to get togged up, go clubbing and get pissed (maybe some wild dancing too).

Harridan1981 · 12/03/2022 08:03

I agree with you about the gravity, and it isn't about being cool for me. I would just be putting in the context of what he is like normally, and how he behaves when he surfaces.

Lovemusic33 · 12/03/2022 08:04

I would be angry too OP but I think because it’s a one off I would let it go, he’s probably going to be feeling pretty embarrassed and hung over this morning, yes walking home wasn’t a good idea but when your pissed you don’t think rationally and you feel like you can do anything, yes it was dangerous and he was a idiot but hopefully he has learnt his lesson and won’t be doing it again in a hurry.