Page 25 | Husband just bought home by police. Furious

yellowelli · 2022-03-12T03:40:35+00:00

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 13/03/2022 05:39

This thread has turned into something quite different from OP's original post. I wish that if people want to start a different discussion within someone else's thread, that they would start a new thread of their own.

Given that I have just done exactly that without starting a new thread, I will excuse myself by saying, I don't think my point is worthy of a new thread, as I don't think anyone will reply to me anyway!

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 13/03/2022 06:48

I disagree, the derailment was still relevant to the op, if mid thread it derailed into a discussion on the emancipation of carrots then it would need a new thread.
But this is now a greater derailment than the discussion about op tracking her husband which is weird

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 13/03/2022 07:24

@BigOlDingleSlinger69

Idc how many people find it ok to track their partner or adult children on apps, it’s incredibly weird to want the power to do that. I’m not saying it’s abusive all the time - at the very least it is a normalised neurotic.

Also what does it being legal have to do with anything? It’s also legal to ask your partner for a full recount of their every move and every member of the opposite sex they talk to.

20 years ago putting a tracking device on your partners car would have been thought of as insane or neurotic behaviour - this is even worse but it’s becoming normalised so people don’t understand how bizzare it is - or they do and are in denial about being low level controlling of their relationship.

I'm just not sure how it's neurotic !? I have find my friends so that I can see when my husband has left work so I know when to heat his dinner up. He also picks me up from work once a week after picking up our youngest from nursery, I can make sure I'm packed up and ready so he's not waiting in the car with a grumpy toddler!! I also have it for my parents so I can see how close they are when they're coming to babysit - so I can get the kettle on 😂

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 13/03/2022 07:25

And just to add he has it too and uses it for similarly mundane reasons! It's not controlling it's just using modern technology to make life a little smoother for everyone!

Suzi888 · 13/03/2022 07:39

“You joke but this is what my friend used to have to do - literally take pictures when she got to work, tesco, her parents etc and her partner would then even ring her work or parents randomly to try and catch her out.
He now just uses the tracking app.”

Coercive and controlling behaviour, a colleagues DH has just been charged and released on bail for doing this -it wasn’t with her consent.
She’s now in emergency accommodation pending a divorce. He sees his child via supervised visits.

TiddleyWink · 13/03/2022 07:45

@Suzi888

“You joke but this is what my friend used to have to do - literally take pictures when she got to work, tesco, her parents etc and her partner would then even ring her work or parents randomly to try and catch her out. He now just uses the tracking app.”

Coercive and controlling behaviour, a colleagues DH has just been charged and released on bail for doing this -it wasn’t with her consent.
She’s now in emergency accommodation pending a divorce. He sees his child via supervised visits.

Awful, but totally irrelevant to the posters on here cheerfully explaining why mutual use of the app works well for their families on a purely practical level.

Usual mumsnet hysteria. Every single thing has to be taken to an extreme degree and made abusive and controlling.

SexiestDogWalker · 13/03/2022 07:47

Dear Lord.

I track my husband on Find My Friends. He does the same. Not obsessively all day every day. So we have an ETA when the other is driving home, or so we know where the other is when they're not answering their phone and we were expecting them. Good job really, it's how I knew mine was in hospital (after an accident) before someone called me. It's only controlling if you're using their actions and whereabouts against them. Basically it's only controlling if you're controlling.

And yeah, I'd be fine with my husband going out. Fine with the one off ridiculous drunkenness. Fine with the missing a taxi in principle (because I would have checked FMF too and seen he was in an establishment). But I would not have been fine with the police having to bring him home because he was risking his life along the middle of a busy road. That would have changed my previous "fine" into a different set of feelings. I wouldn't be angry that he'd made that choice to walk along the road per se- he was blind drunk and we don't make the right choices at all when like that. I would have been really upset thinking what could have happened, really cross he'd got so drunk that he didn't think getting in his taxi was a priority and I'd have been frightened thinking about what could have happened and unsettled seeing him in a manner I'd never seen (sobbing and paralytic between two police officers).

I think I'd probably not cater to his hangover. I wouldn't be unkind by banging doors and things, I just wouldn't cater to it.

BigOlDingleSlinger69 · 13/03/2022 08:12

@Littlehouseinthebigcity

You need to track him so you can have his dinner heated up the moment he’s home? A microwave take what? 1 minute? Why can’t you just do it when he gets home (or turn on the stove then). I’m not buying that you need to know exactly when your husband leaves work so you can heat his dinner up.
If you were cooking it alright - but even then, why not just a text “leaving work now, see you soon” etc, so you know? Why a tracker that is on all the time?

I don’t buy this. You really need a tracker so you can have people’s dinner heated up or their tea and coffee ready? What are you doing pushing a hot plate and mug in their hands the second they come in?

Most normal people take a few minutes before arriving home or at someone’s house at least before they’re chowing down and drinking tea.

It’s neurotic to think you actually need it for these reasons when no one in the world cares about their meal or tea taking one minute more than it would if they were being tracked 24/7.

Yebs · 13/03/2022 08:21

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@Littlehouseinthebigcity

You need to track him so you can have his dinner heated up the moment he’s home? A microwave take what? 1 minute? Why can’t you just do it when he gets home (or turn on the stove then). I’m not buying that you need to know exactly when your husband leaves work so you can heat his dinner up.
If you were cooking it alright - but even then, why not just a text “leaving work now, see you soon” etc, so you know? Why a tracker that is on all the time?

I don’t buy this. You really need a tracker so you can have people’s dinner heated up or their tea and coffee ready? What are you doing pushing a hot plate and mug in their hands the second they come in?

Most normal people take a few minutes before arriving home or at someone’s house at least before they’re chowing down and drinking tea.

It’s neurotic to think you actually need it for these reasons when no one in the world cares about their meal or tea taking one minute more than it would if they were being tracked 24/7.[/quote]
Honestly mate who the fuck are you to come on a thread and kick off at people about what's normal or not? Do you get off on arguing? Controlling this, neurotic that, people have repeatedly told you why the app works for them and they every time you come back repeating your point again and again. We got your opinion 3 pages ago. Please sling your big ol dingle somewhere else.

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 13/03/2022 08:40

@Yebs thanks for that!
@BigOlDingleSlinger69 yes I do have coffees ready the minute my parents arrive - they've driven 2 hours to help me out with my kids and I know they'll want a coffee straight away. My husband is notoriously bad at remembering to text when he's leaving which is why I check, but it doesn't really matter! It works for us, clearly wouldn't work for you and that's fine :)

MrFsAunt · 13/03/2022 08:46

Please sling your big ol dingle somewhere else 😂

SpinsForGin · 13/03/2022 09:23

@Suzi888

“You joke but this is what my friend used to have to do - literally take pictures when she got to work, tesco, her parents etc and her partner would then even ring her work or parents randomly to try and catch her out. He now just uses the tracking app.”

Coercive and controlling behaviour, a colleagues DH has just been charged and released on bail for doing this -it wasn’t with her consent.
She’s now in emergency accommodation pending a divorce. He sees his child via supervised visits.

Clearly this is horrendous but just because some people use it to control their partners that doesn't mean everyone does.

daisyjgrey · 13/03/2022 11:11

@BigOlDingleSlinger69 are you still going?

Clymene · 13/03/2022 11:18

[quote daisyjgrey]**@BigOlDingleSlinger69* are you still* going? [/quote]
He's a PBP and has been banned again (on another thread)

Spidey66 · 13/03/2022 11:55

Suggesting that everyone who uses a phone tracking app is controlling is like suggesting everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic. I mean every alcoholic drinks alcohol don't they, ergo everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic! Err no, it's perfectly reasonable to use both in moderation without any issues!

tkwal · 13/03/2022 12:29

OP had already cleared all of this up about the tracking app. Its like everything else, depends on how and why you use it

Marvellousmadness · 13/03/2022 12:36

After all ops reactions it is no wonder her dh got so drunk give the man a break. And sort your anxiousness and melodramatics out op.

TiddleyWink · 13/03/2022 13:04

@Marvellousmadness

After all ops reactions it is no wonder her dh got so drunk

give the man a break. And sort your anxiousness and melodramatics out op.

Ah, a desperate ‘cool wife’ who is such a great mum that she’s totally fine with her kids’ dad endangering his life

and finds it all totes hilarious.

Every thread needs one!

ImAvingOops · 13/03/2022 14:47

This might shock you, but men don't care whether or not you find them attractive

Husbands usually care if their wives find them attractive though

Bookworm20 · 13/03/2022 15:59

I find it quite amusing that those against couples using fmf have very strong opinions on how apparently unhealthy and weird it is. And try and enforce their opinion on those that use it, whatever their reasons.

And those that use it do not give a crap and do not force this issue on those that don’t.

I know which relationship I’d rather be in.

StrawberryPot · 13/03/2022 16:02

Spot on @Bookworm20 !

TiddleyWink · 13/03/2022 16:38

@Bookworm20

I find it quite amusing that those against couples using fmf have very strong opinions on how apparently unhealthy and weird it is. And try and enforce their opinion on those that use it, whatever their reasons.

And those that use it do not give a crap and do not force this issue on those that don’t.

I know which relationship I’d rather be in.

Also ironic that the obnoxious people insisting that no one else should use FMF despite both parties wanting to and finding it useful….are accusing others of being controlling