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Original poster

Husband just bought home by police. Furious

622 replies

yellowelli · 12/03/2022 03:40

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 12/03/2022 07:28

I'm completely missing the point of the post but I love it when our police do a good thing like this. No need for them too but they are just fab sometimes.

Get your DH a maccy D breakfast and an Alka-Seltzer XS. He won't be drinking again for a while.....

Rainbowdrops2021 · 12/03/2022 07:29

I laughed too. And about how she found it “staggering” no pun intended 😂. Sorry OP but as long as he apologises I’m sure you’ll be laughing about this in a few days time.

TedMullins · 12/03/2022 07:29

How many people defending him would think it was fine if a woman with young kids did this?

saraclara · 12/03/2022 07:29

@Coffeetree

As soon as he wakes, tell him to go find another place to stay while you consider the relationship.

Predictably the pick-mes have arrived to minimise and normalise, but no this isn't remotely acceptable.

Oh for goodness sake. My DH was teetotal apart from the very occasional glass of wine at a special occasion, and even I can see that this isn't the sin if the century.

It was a one off, he didn't commit any crime, and it's very likely that his mates or a stranger were involved in him drinking more alcohol that he intended.

A big row over it and chucking him out is a massive overreaction.

Bringonsummer19 · 12/03/2022 07:30

Why doesn’t he go out very often? Sounds unhealthy

Clymene · 12/03/2022 07:31

I'd go out and leave him to look after the kids. Stupid idiot

user468375484 · 12/03/2022 07:32

As a one off I'd forgive him, but I also know someone who was run over and killed in almost identical circumstances, so I'd be fuming with him on those grounds

Original poster
yellowelli · 12/03/2022 07:33

He doesn't go out often by his own choice. He will get home from work an hour or so late because he had a couple of pints every couple of months but no since having kids he doesn't really ever go properly out for the night. He does plenty of things for himself, as do I, and we don't control each other but normally those things don't involve nightclubs and excessive drinking.

I don't know why I was anxious, I just knew he would be home at so and so time and when I'm expecting someone home I struggle to sleep a bit. It was him ignoring my text despite being online that worried me because again it was out of character. I wasn't blowing up his phone I sent one text asking whether he did get the taxi or not and just to let me know he was ok. After he didn't open it I thought I could check and his phone was in a night club. I rang it once. At this point I wasn't annoyed at all I just wanted to know he was ok and if I could expect him home that night.

I'm not angry at him for getting a bit too pissed and missing his taxi. I am angry at him for walking down a busy main road in terrible conditions where he would of barely been visible to drivers and could so bloody easily of left me a widow with two tiny children. We have all gotten too drunk and made a tit of ourselves but it's the danger of it. It's not a tipsy husband swaying down the lane giggling that he is trying to get home. It's a completely pissed adult in a tshirt walking home in pouring rain with no coat, no reflective items, no phone on a main bloody road. Literally on the road too the police said he was stumbling on to the grass when cars came past then back down on to the road.

OP posts:
grapewines · 12/03/2022 07:33

@TedMullins

How many people defending him would think it was fine if a woman with young kids did this?
Knowing the ridiculous double standards on here, people would probably be saying she needed the break, it was a one-off and to let her sleep.
MrsLargeEmbodied · 12/03/2022 07:33

@Clymene

I'd go out and leave him to look after the kids. Stupid idiot
unfair on the kids

no sympathy op for him
that is all, the hangover, if there is one, can only improve
its done now
he is alive

Lovelteers · 12/03/2022 07:33

He did something stupid, it’s out of character and he is going to be absolutely sick as a dog today AND humiliated.
Cut him some slack. He’ll already feel like a prize idiot once he sobers up, you sticking the boot in too isn’t going to help.

VisaQuestions · 12/03/2022 07:35

To get in that state, out of character, I’d listen to his story first before losing it or presuming anything. Maybe something happened

GurtBusty · 12/03/2022 07:36

I went out last Saturday to have a long overdue catch-up with friends. Drank too much, then drank too much again. Don't remember getting home, etc. Woke up with sore head and my side of the bedroom looking like a burglar had visited. Apparently I staggered in, tripped while taking off jeans and wiped out my bedside table. And do you know what DH did - put me to bed, tidied up the broken glass and put a cup of water and ibuprofen next to me. When I eventually resurfaced I got tea and a bacon bsarnie in bed. No drama. It's a very rare occurrence for either of us - no need for could've and should've and whatifs.

Suzi888 · 12/03/2022 07:36

@avamiah

Firstly I’d like to say that i don’t wish to offend OP but I have literally just laughed out loud after reading how her husband told the police that if he walks straight he will end up home.hahaha

No harm was done and he got home safe and at the end of the day he was spotted by the police who of course had a duty of care to stop and check he was ok and after finding his address from his licence took him home.

Everything ended well .

Me too🤣 BUT As a one off- but he would be in the dog house and I’d want a sincere apology and it had better never happen again!
ThePlantsitter · 12/03/2022 07:37

Very annoying. However if you hadn't tracked him with your phone til 3am you would be annoyed not reasonably well rested this morning. You're both adults and don't need to account for your whereabouts at all times - after all it didn't practically help on this occasion did it?

I suggest you find something nice to do today so your entire weekend doesn't revolve around your H's disastrous night out.

PinkSyCo · 12/03/2022 07:37

I get your anger but you said yourself that your husband never goes out so I think it’s quite understandable that he’s forgotten his limits and had one (5) too many on this occasion. As long as he doesn’t start making a habit of this I think you should let him know how worried you were, but apart from that his hangover and severe beer fear when he comes to will be enough punishment on this occasion.

dworky · 12/03/2022 07:37

I don't see why you'd be embarrassed, you didn't do it.
Women need to stop taking responsibility for men's shit.

Clymene · 12/03/2022 07:37

@GurtBusty

I went out last Saturday to have a long overdue catch-up with friends. Drank too much, then drank too much again. Don't remember getting home, etc. Woke up with sore head and my side of the bedroom looking like a burglar had visited. Apparently I staggered in, tripped while taking off jeans and wiped out my bedside table. And do you know what DH did - put me to bed, tidied up the broken glass and put a cup of water and ibuprofen next to me. When I eventually resurfaced I got tea and a bacon bsarnie in bed. No drama. It's a very rare occurrence for either of us - no need for could've and should've and whatifs.
Is your husband heavily pregnant? Do you have two young kids?
Original poster
yellowelli · 12/03/2022 07:40

I've been around on mumsnet long enough to know not to take these things to heart but I must say if some of you hate women so much just say that. Automatically assuming from he doesn't go out anymore that I control him and am obviously the force behind that, because it must be a woman's fault and not a mans conscience decision. There are lots of ways as an adult to blow off steam, he sees his mates plenty, they'll have a few beers in the garden, or watch the football, or go to golf. I go out for dinner with my friends fairly regularly. We're always home safely at a relatively normal time. Surely this is more normal at this point of our lives and as parents then being pissed as a fart in a night club until all hours. Why are so many people shocked he doesn't do that more often?! I'm more shocked he was in a night club at all. I can't imagine anything worse anymore especially as it was a student town and he was probably 20 years older than everyone!

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 12/03/2022 07:40

@Usou

Adult man gets tanked up on incredibly rare night out.

What is this? The controlling wives club?

Adult man gets so tanked up that he's a danger to himself.

Some of the responses here are way over the top, but it's still very stupid and a big turn off. He's not 19. I'd be annoyed as well, but let it go assuming he feels bad later and it really is a one off.

MissyB1 · 12/03/2022 07:41

I get it OP. You were anxious because your gut told you something was going wrong - and you were right about that.
And no the majority of men in their 40s don’t behave like that - at least I hope not!

He needs to try and work out why he made such a massive error of judgment. I hope he feels really ashamed of himself today. Hopefully that shame will prevent him from ever getting into that state again.

Really emphasise to him the worry and stress he caused, but also the fact that the police had to be involved. He took two police officers away from other work they could be doing. It was extremely kind of them but they shouldn’t have to go around picking up drunks.

UsernameInTheTown · 12/03/2022 07:42

Don't stuck pigs bleed, not snore?

Febrier · 12/03/2022 07:42

I think it would depend how he reacts this morning.

Neverendingdust · 12/03/2022 07:44

He went out and had too much to drink. He’s not murdered anyone and he’s not broken any laws. Yes he’s daft to have done it but that’s all.

Get some sleep and really don’t take any notice from some of the bitter responses on this thread.

Plinkyplonkyplonk · 12/03/2022 07:44

If it's a one off and he's apologetic- I'd let it go. We all do stupid shit.
I'd be expecting full grovel mode though! Grin

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