Husband just bought home by police. Furious

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Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

My DH did this to me when DC was about 5 months old and I was due to have my very first Girls Catch Up with baby.
Went out with workmates ( not close ones) at lunch,came back an absolute riot carried in by the shop owners on our street( who he's tried to start a fight with) pissing bed at 7pm Absolutely no recollection of how he got home or why the shop guys were fighting with him( he'd punched their window it seemed?) DH is lairy when drunk but not violent.
He was more embarrassed and shocked at himself than he was sorry, for ruining my plans the next day.
I didn't speak to him for 2 months and it nearly ended our marriage ( he hadn't covered himself in glory when the baby came)
He just stays at his mates now and I don't deal with it. And he not allowed to come home hungover

@Monzeitia

I do, it’s just not ok, if I want to go to Next after work to buy a dress that I don’t really need but I saw a coworker wearing it, I can go, buy the flipping dress and regret it after, my husband doesn’t need to know, it’s called boundaries within a relationship

If you don’t feel comfortable then don’t use it, that’s more than ok. It’s the insulting and calling abnormal those of us who are comfortable with our own different boundaries which I object to.

FWIW I find it far more concerning that you seem to feel the need to shop secretly from your husband. Mine wouldn’t bat an eyelid at me buying a dress. I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a relationship where I had to secretly shop for what, fear of what he’ll say about it?! Eeek.

But that’s what it comes down to - different people are ok with different things in a relationship and (bar genuine abuse etc) then that’s ok. Live and let live! I just object to people insulting me and my relationship because my boundaries are different to yours.

I do, it’s just not ok, if I want to go to Next after work to buy a dress that I don’t really need but I saw a coworker wearing it, I can go, buy the flipping dress and regret it after, my husband doesn’t need to know, it’s called boundaries within a relationship

My partner wouldn’t care less if I went and bought a dress in next, there’s no reason that he couldn’t know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh OP I feel your pain and mine wasn't even as embarrassing as yours as no police.

My DH hardly ever goes out because we've got two small children and we just have much opportunity plus we don't drink much anyway. He went out during the World Cup last year to a pub a train ride away with a group of 'the lads' and spent a day drinking, not having any food, in the sun and heat watching football.

Well. He got in such a bloody state. He was sick on the train on the way home, he was sick on the platform when he got home, he walked to the taxi tank to come home and they refused to take him. So he staggered through town, had a sleep on a bench (apparently) then staggered home (a two mile walk). Now luckily it was summer so it wasn't dark but he was still wandering up main roads like a total prat. One of our neighbours spotted him when he was out on a run about half a mile from home, and walked him home because he was worried that he was going to be hit by a car. I was so embarrassed when lovely Steve from down the road knocked on the door at 8pm and handed me an absolutely plastered DH who promptly fell in a heap in the door.

Luckily my kids were in bed when he did that because they'd have been really upset. I was furious with him too. I left him in the recovery position on the hall floor all night. I couldn't move him and I figured at least if he was sick it'd be on flooring not on my carpet or in my beds!

He was mortified when he woke up. He couldn't really remember much after being sick on the train, his friend filled him in. I didn't go on too much because he's never done it before in twelve years of me knowing him and I hope won't do it again (he'd better bloody not!). It happens, people fuck up but my god it did make me realise how bloody immature and stupid men can be especially in packs, even in their forties! He did also go round and thank/apologise to lovely Steve!

So you tracked him to see what time is back so you can have his food ready right? Can’t he even bother to send you a text or a call to say he is late so his food can be microwave when he is back

Neither mine I use my own money but if I’m supposed to be late, he is going to track that I went to Next and why do I have to explain this to him, just a quick call, I’m going to be a bit late from work don’t worry

So you tracked him to see what time is back so you can have his food ready right? Can’t he even bother to send you a text or a call to say he is late so his food can be microwave when he is back

Is that to me? If so, we often just wait go order a takeaway til my son is home, so no, he wouldn’t text or call. But if one of us is hungry or has plans later on so wants to eat as early as possible, we’ll use the app to see where he is.
Microwaved takeaway...🤮

@Monzeitia

So you tracked him to see what time is back so you can have his food ready right? Can’t he even bother to send you a text or a call to say he is late so his food can be microwave when he is back

Oh come on, you’re clutching at straws here but since you apparently need it spelt out: no, my husband doesn’t use his phone while driving on the motorway. And I’m more than happy about that. We also prefer to eat together and chat over our meal, no doubt you’ll scrape the barrel to find something negative about that!

You don’t have to attack as a form of defence. If you’re happy with your own relationship boundaries then why the need to be so horrible to other people about theirs?

Neither mine I use my own money but if I’m supposed to be late, he is going to track that I went to Next and why do I have to explain this to him, just a quick call, I’m going to be a bit late from work don’t worry

It’s not that I have to explain. Just that I don’t have an issue with my partner knowing where I am as he wouldn’t care where I was or what time I came home. We just tell each other so we know. We’re interested in each other’s day, even the small things.

if I want to go to Next after work to buy a dress that I don’t really need but I saw a coworker wearing it, I can go, buy the flipping dress and regret it after, my husband doesn’t need to know, it’s called boundaries within a relationship

This is such a bizarre comment. You seem to think that those of us who use FMF are watching our partner's movements 24/7. Does your dh really have time to do that? Is he interested? How would he know you're actually buying anything in Next and not just browsing?

The reality for me is that I might use FMF once or twice a month. Half the time I forget it's there. Just every so often it's useful. Not essential but useful.

I'm disappointed the hangover wasn't worse

Oh come on, first time for so long that England got to a final, most of the British population were already tipsy before the game started, the drinks roll in, we lost, we were piss off, we did things, like the Op is one off, I’m sure the lovely neighbour would have understood, it’s life isn’t

@Monzeitia

Oh come on, first time for so long that England got to a final, most of the British population were already tipsy before the game started, the drinks roll in, we lost, we were piss off, we did things, like the Op is one off, I’m sure the lovely neighbour would have understood, it’s life isn’t

It wasn't the Final, but anyway regardless he was still an irresponsible dick. He accepts this, not sure why you don't!

@Monzeitia

People will try to turn this round on you questioning them wanting to be aware of where their partner is at every time but really their behaviour is quite strange. A lot of people are literally defending it as “well neither of us have anything to hide so why shouldn’t we track each other 24/7?” One person even making their college age son go on it? Wow, just wow.

And this is all totally normal on a site that’s all about calling out “red flags” and “controlling behaviour”. If your partners going to be late from work or is in traffic, guess what they can text you, or you can text them.

Some people have got so emotionally dependent on being able to contact their loved ones by mobile phone at any time that they’ve progressed to literally needing to be able to have constant access to their location. It’s completely weird and cringey.

You said last year, so I presume was the final lol, mine went to the pub and came back drunk and decided to cut the grass, didn’t go to far, like yours was one off, we laughed about it now

@Marvellousmadness

Oh stop it. The man let loose. Once!!

It was dumb. But....it was a once off.

This... I was married to an alcoholic. I would have prayed for this situation.

He made it home...Shake it off. He will kiss your ass for awhile...but don't nail him to the cross."

I got so drunk once after a wedding ( I don't really drink)
That I pissed in my Grandmother's treasured large Hope Chest...thinking it was a toilet.

I was fucking over the moon that we had FMF on our phones when DP & DD went to see Ariana Grande in Manchester a couple of years ago, & could see they were on their way home

A lot of people are literally defending it as “well neither of us have anything to hide so why shouldn’t we track each other 24/7?” One person even making their college age son go on it? Wow, just wow.

But we’re not tracking each other 24/7. It’s used occasionally for a reason and everyone is happy with that. I haven’t ‘made’ my son have it. He wants it, he uses it to look if we’re anywhere near him so he can get a lift or see where we are with the dogs to meet us for a walk. He can turn it off whenever he likes but he doesn’t care. He spends lots of time out of the house, goes away for days/weeks to see friends and we don’t check where he is. So you can ‘wow’ all you like, we all come and go as we please, there’s no control or abuse, it’s just useful sometimes.

I agree, I knew I was going to get a lot of criticism but when you are in a relationship that you don’t need to track each other you can see that is wrong, one more thing, before I meet my lovely husband; I wish if I could track my ex; so I can understand some of these post, I leave it there

These people who track their other half and their children should watch Black Mirror Arkangel” because that’s where they are heading for
Everyone need places of solitude to retreat to, places where we are free of the gaze of others in order to relax and feel at ease, for God sake, even my dog who always want attention, leaves the room when he had enough
Luckily @Monzeitia it’s not tracking people it’s tracking a phone! A phone that can be turned off, left somewhere else or if you just don’t want the tracking on you can turn it off.

My teenage sister and brother who are living with us, asked if we’d add them. It’s so we can find their phones if they lose them.

Hilarious 😂

Any kind of tracking/find my friends stuff is one of many reasons I don't have a smartphone.

I'm hardly off shagging in the undergrowth and clubbing, but I do not want anyone, ever, to track me in Tesco or some such. I don't track my teenagers either (can't, thanks to no smartphone, which solves the problem).

I understand the 'by consent' argument - but what if you don't consent? Would you be regarded as being shifty? If a 17 yo didn't give consent, what would you do? Would you end up having to agree, just to prove that you weren't up to no good? The whole thing is a minefield.

OP, your husband behaved like a prat, but you rightly seem now to be moving on.

Just brought this thread up to the SIL who just visited. Mainly the tracking aspect. She doesn't have a partner or child but travels to various cities/hotels for work. She told me that years ago she used Facebook to check herself into places as a safety feature for a woman travelling alone in case she was never heard of again (it happens) but she found that to be too outing regarding her life posting her destination/resturant choices on FB all the time. So she asked my DH (her brother) if they could share locations with eachother so he knew where she was if she never returned from a work function etc or so he knew her last known location as a helping point. I didnt even know she does that but similarly I have my little brother on mine because sometimes he goes out in a city close to our town and likes me to pick him up but can explain where he is properly, the location navigates me straight to home and I get him home safe to my parents. Also if I ever wanna turn mine off for privacy issues like a walk along the canal after an argument, I have done and DH has never brought it up. Its not always 'controlling' and 'sinister' like PPs are suggesting.