Page 22 | Choking during sex, is this normal

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 10/03/2022 07:12

@CornishGem1975

Women don't HAVE to be beaten or choked as part of a 'normal' sex life, the vast majority aren't but who is to say what is normal and why should people have to justify what they like?

What's normal for you will be different for someone else. For some people, normal sex is having it once a week on a Saturday night, lights off, under the covers. That's very very far from my normal but I'm not going to apologise for not enjoying vanilla sex!

Why do you think letting us know how sexually liberated and cool you are is relevant in anyway to this discussion?

CornishGem1975 · 10/03/2022 08:24

Lol @theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity it was a conversation about 'normal' sex. Go back to adjusting your cardi.

bluesberry · 10/03/2022 16:14

The people who shame women for their kinks that they enjoy and only practice when consensual and try to make out that there's something wrong with them need to take a long, hard look at themselves!!

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 10/03/2022 16:50

@bluesberry

The people who shame women for their kinks that they enjoy and only practice when consensual and try to make out that there's something wrong with them need to take a long, hard look at themselves!!

But this thread was not about that was it? It wasn't about who thought what was acceptable and what they enjoyed It was about an experience that shit someone up , a dangerous 'kink' that one partner decided by themselves was acceptable It wasn't about how Gemma is so sexually liberated she loves choking and an excuse to call everyone else boring

BringTeaAndCake · 10/03/2022 17:08

No, the question was, is it normal.

A fair few women have come on here and said, yes, for them, they like it. But they're being shot down. Being called "cool girls" being told they only like it for the men.

Thats not on. As I explained, I had a very similar experience to the op, the difference was, I was hugely turned on by it. Nothing to do with his enjoyment.

I dislike being told its because I'm deeply unhappy or suffered past trauma or I'm a man pleaser.

BringTeaAndCake · 10/03/2022 17:09

And almost every woman that has said she enjoys it has also agreed that the op has made the right decision to cut contact.

CornishGem1975 · 10/03/2022 17:10

It was a thread the OP started by asking whether something was normal.

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

For some people it is. For some people, it isn't. Lots of people have shared what is normal for them. Nobody has said anyone is boring, I didn't use the term vanilla, someone else asked what was wrong with vanilla. Again, I never said anything was wrong with vanilla. And I never said I liked being choked.

But now we know what kind of sex you have, so thanks for sharing.

CornishGem1975 · 10/03/2022 17:11

@BringTeaAndCake

And almost every woman that has said she enjoys it has also agreed that the op has made the right decision to cut contact.

Exactly that - and as I have said numerous times - the important thing is consent. A conversation about it BEFORE it happens.

AlisonDonut · 10/03/2022 17:20

Ask yourself if it is normal in any other situation to say you enjoy being strangled.

This is not normal in any way. Self harm, not normal. Pulling your own hair out, not normal.

So add sex into the mix and suddenly it's all fine for women to be strangled.

No. Not normal.

bluesberry · 10/03/2022 17:24

@theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity
It wasn't about that initially but when people start to say that women who like this need help and other offensive things then there are going to be responses where people defend themselves.

Threads always evolve. But on mumsnet I have noticed that people often get hyperfocused on the title of the thread instead of really looking at the details that are within the post. That happens regardless of the topic and often people don't give real advice, they just answer according to the thread title!

But if people are going to say inflammatory things like that women who enjoy certain things need help then of course posters are going to defend themselves!!

AlisonDonut · 10/03/2022 17:29

But if people are going to say inflammatory things like that women who enjoy certain things need help then of course posters are going to defend themselves!!

I'd say exactly the same if you were cutting yourself...why do we ignore it just because it is all in the name of the great God sex? Because a penis is involved suddenly anything goes?

CornishGem1975 · 10/03/2022 17:34

What has any of it got to with a penis? You know that some lesbians also enjoy rough sex too? Without a penis in sight.

CornishGem1975 · 10/03/2022 17:34

Obviously still doing it for the men though

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 10/03/2022 17:44

@CornishGem1975

It was a thread the OP started by asking whether something was normal.

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

For some people it is. For some people, it isn't. Lots of people have shared what is normal for them. Nobody has said anyone is boring, I didn't use the term vanilla, someone else asked what was wrong with vanilla. Again, I never said anything was wrong with vanilla. And I never said I liked being choked.

But now we know what kind of sex you have, so thanks for sharing.

Of course you do! You carry on thinking you are some beacon of sexual liberation....

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 10/03/2022 17:45

It's just like the women who assert they don't mind their men looking at porn in fact they enjoy it also as they are just sooooo cool

bluesberry · 10/03/2022 17:57

@AlisonDonut

But if people are going to say inflammatory things like that women who enjoy certain things need help then of course posters are going to defend themselves!!

I'd say exactly the same if you were cutting yourself...why do we ignore it just because it is all in the name of the great God sex? Because a penis is involved suddenly anything goes?

Yes of course you would, because you equate it with self harm because you are incredibly narrow minded.

You are telling women that the things they think they enjoy they don't really enjoy them, that the choices they make in their own sex lives are wrong, that they have no agency in deciding what happens in their own sex lives.

As a pp said, some lesbians mutally enjoy this too with a partner they trust, so it's not to do with penises.

But if you're bringing penises into it, then it's pretty ironic because you are doing something that men with penises have done for a very very long time, using the "you need help" argument to shut down women, to shut down their opinions/views/likes/dislikes/needs/wants.

Incredibly harmful behaviour. Women are finally owning their likes/dislikes/what they want and need and now we have women criticising them for it and using that old male argument that they "need help".

Your words are harmful. Incredibly so. but you want to equate a woman enjoying something with them cutting/harming themselves!!!!

AlisonDonut · 10/03/2022 17:59

If all the women who just lurve being strangled enjoy being hurt so much, then harmful words will just add to that, right?

It's not my words that are harmful, it is the lack of oxygen and brain damage. But you keep on keeping on pet.

bluesberry · 10/03/2022 18:02

@AlisonDonut
I don't believe that all women lurve it at all, and out of those who do many just enjoy a hand the neck, there's no pressure, they're not being hurt. No breathing is affected.

Your words ARE harmful.

AlisonDonut · 10/03/2022 18:03

[quote bluesberry]@AlisonDonut
I don't believe that all women lurve it at all, and out of those who do many just enjoy a hand the neck, there's no pressure, they're not being hurt. No breathing is affected.

Your words ARE harmful.[/quote]
Oh dear never mind.

MrsBerthaRochester · 10/03/2022 18:34

Eh its called Breath play for a reason! So for those saying its nothing to do with restriction thats just shite!
Plus if you use the term vanilla outwith talking about ice cream you are a daft cunt anyway.

CornishGem1975 · 10/03/2022 18:41

Haha @theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity I will. Go me!

nightwakingmoon · 10/03/2022 18:53

@bluesberry — IKR? Like imagine anyone not thinking that people’s right to have the deviant porny sex they want isn’t, like, the last bastion of the liberal ideal!

Anyone suggesting that men roleplaying violently killing a woman from strangulation during sex isn’t the acme of Western human rights — your words are HARMFUL. Like, literal violence, you know? People literally die if you deny them the right possibly to actually die from a stroke after being choked by a man who’s watched too many pornhub videos. Or something, anyway.

AlisonDonut · 10/03/2022 19:00

So we are at 'it is harmful to not want women to die of strangulation'.

Top work there 'ladies'. Top work.

bluesberry · 10/03/2022 19:13

@AlisonDonut

So we are at 'it is harmful to not want women to die of strangulation'.

Top work there 'ladies'. Top work.

No you're the one adding 2 and 2 together and coming up with 767.

There's no excuse for such ignorance in this day and age, you clearly have internet access, educate yourself, plenty of online libraries out there!

HRTQueen · 10/03/2022 19:18

It’s not normal it’s risk taking

If someone feels shame about calling it what it is that is for them to deal with

It should not be considered normal to prevent oxygen reaching your brain

As for the cool girls of course many women have been coerced into pleasing men on a site for women I would expect this to be acknowledged not denied

Many of us will have done things for men in our 20’s that we would not consider in our 40’s as we are more confident in ourselves again shouldn’t be denied

And there certainly is sneering from many into BSM and other practices at so called vanilla sex (which is a ridiculous term in itself)